Painted on My Heart
by gengen0776
Summary: Dean receives a call that sends him racing to San Antonio with Sam wondering who needs their help and what's in store.Please, please, please review! Good or bad I want to hear what you think! Though if you don't like it please tell my what or why!
1. Chapter 1

**Painted on My Heart**

**by: gengen0776**

**Chapter 1**

"Dude, what the hell?" Sam cried from the passenger's seat. He hit his head awake as Dean dangerously arced the Impala into a U-turn without slowing the car. It had been two weeks since they'd left Wyoming, one since they'd left Bobby's and about twenty-four hours since they'd left Chicago. They'd been in Chicago for another demon exorcism; it had been one after another since that night in the graveyard. The lower level demons latching themselves onto whoever they could and Dean, Sam and Bobby had been working overtime exorcizing every demon that crossed their path.

"Dean what's going on?"

"Gotta get to San Antonio," Dean stated simply, without looking at Sam. He hoped that Sam would just leave it at that, that he wouldn't start asking questions, but he knew it was no good.

"Why Dean? What's in San Antonio?" Sam's rapid-fired questions were causing Dean to cringe. Again the pained look on Dean's face quieted Sam's questions. Dean sighed loudly, knowing he'd have to explain what was going on to his brother. He'd just hoped to put it off until he'd had time to consider the implications of Bobby's cryptic phone call.

"There's someone there…someone that needs me," Dean murmured, his voice sounding far away. As his mind drifted Dean's gaze coming to rest on the ring he wore on his right hand. "Ronnie" he breathed shaking his head to bring himself back to reality, to this time and place. "How long to get to San Antonio from here college boy?"

Sam pulled out his laptop to search of the information Dean had requested as questions filled his head. Who had called Dean? Who was Ronnie? When had Dean been to San Antonio? Why was it so important to get there now? Sam forced himself not to bombard Dean with these questions, he knew his brother would tell him when he was ready. Dean would never leave him in the dark about what they were hunting, Sam just wondered if this was an actual hunt.

"It's gonna take almost a full day's drive, over eighteen hours," Sam informed after a few minutes on Yahoo maps looking over at Dean to gauge his reaction. Dean stared stoically ahead, his nod so imperceptible that Sam wasn't sure Dean had actually heard him until he felt the car pull a little harder as Dean floored the accelerator. "We should drive in shifts." Again Dean nodded, appreciating that his brother understood the urgency he felt to get to San Antonio as quickly as possible though he hadn't explained why. Dean wished he knew himself; but Bobby had been cryptic, simply repeating that Ronnie needed him, refusing or not knowing any details that could be given over the phone. Dean had hesitated only momentarily, he'd long ago promised himself to keep her safe from the demons and evils that they hunted, even if that meant he had to stay away. So he had never spoken about her, never called her, reminding himself that if the demon realized she was important to him it might hurt her or worse. There was no way Dean could deal with that, so he stayed away, vowing to find her when it was over; when the demon couldn't harm her. Unfortunately, before they'd killed that yellow-eyed bastard he'd let out a lot more of his friends. Besides how he could he tell her he only had a year left to live.

Remembering his deal with the demon Dean began to wonder if he'd sacrifice his time with her for nothing. His mind flashed with the image of Jessica burning on Sam's ceiling reminding him of what letting someone get close could do. Suddenly, Jessica's face became Ronnie's and Dean's heart clenched as he pushed the image from his mind. Nothing could be worse than losing her. _Nothing_ Dean thought knowing he'd pissed off a lot of the demons that had escaped, demons that could do the same as the yellow-eyed demon or worse.

"Dean?" Sam's voice brought him back to reality, though he could still feel the heat of the flames, that had enveloped Ronnie's form, on his skin. He turned to see Sam eying him cautiously. "You okay?" Dean simply nodded as he returned his eyes to the road. "We should get off the next exit, get some gas and food," Sam suggested. Dean simply nodded again, trying to push the image of Ronnie as far to the back of his mind as he could. He had to believe she would be alright, had to believe he could save her. _If not what was the whole point of staying away? _

"Yeah, maybe you can take a shift driving then. What do you think Miss Daisy?" Sam simply nodded ignoring the Miss Daisy comment. He was just happy that Dean was willing to let him drive a while and that maybe he'd get some rest. Dean looked exhausted, having driven for hours before the phone call and who knew what was waiting for them in San Antonio. When they arrived at the rest stop, Dean jumped from the car tossing the keys to Sam and heading to the men's room, leaving Sam to fill the car with gas and get the supplies. "I'll be back in a few."

Dean entered the dingy bathroom, stepping in front of the sink and running the cold water without looking at his reflection in the mirror that hung above it. When the water was good and cold he splashed some on his face and neck hoping to relieve some of the fatigue he was feeling. He'd been driving for more than twelve hours straight. When he hazarded a glance at himself, he sighed loudly. Between his bloodshot, glassy eyes and his five o'clock shadow long overdue, he looked haggard and exhausted. There was a fear in his eyes that was unsettling, not knowing what was going on and why Ronnie needed him was killing him. Yet he kept himself from calling her, that couldn't help her, she needed him there whatever the reason.

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Ronnie stared down at the telephone for a long moment after she'd hung up with Bobby. _He's on his way _she thought, her heart swelling with emotion as she realized she would see Dean Winchester again, something she hadn't been sure would ever happen. _I just wish it was under happier circumstances, _she thought staring out the window and allowing herself to be caught up in her memories of him from long ago.

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Sam was exiting the Quick Mart with a large brown paper bag filled with provisions and two steaming cups of coffee for the long drive ahead when Dean returned. Dean grabbed the coffee from his brother and headed to the car without so much as a peek at what else Sam had bought. He paused at the driver's side of the Impala as though considering whether he could continue to drive, but he moved on to the passenger's side thinking better of it. He knew Sam would rag on him if he didn't get some rest and he wasn't in the mood for a Sammy sermon. Especially, when he knew his brother was right. Sam remained silent, a satisfied look on his face as he slid into the driver's seat and proceeding to unlock the passenger's door for Dean.

They'd driven a few miles in silence when Sam finally hazarded a glance at his brother. Dean sat staring out into the darkness. Sam switched on the radio in an effort to fill the silence between them, hoping it would keep him from filling it with the unanswered questions dancing around his head. Dean had him worried. Since the phone call he'd barely strung together two sentences and was constantly staring off lost in thought.

The rock station pumped out the last set of Metallica's _Wherever I may Roam_ and again Sam looked over at his brother for some kind of reaction knowing it was one of Dean's favorite songs by one of his favorite bands. Still nothing except that his eyes were now closed and his head pressed against the passenger's window. Sam sighed _at least he's getting some rest _he thought as the pounding sounds of Metallica faded and were replaced by the smoother sounds of a ballad by the Cult.

_I thought you'd be out of my mind_

_And I'd finally found a way to learn to live without you_

_I thought it was just a matter of time_

_Till I had a hundred reasons not to think about you_

_But it's just not so_

_And after all this time, I still can't let go_

_I've still got your face_

_Painted on my heart_

_Scrawled upon my soul_

_Etched upon my memory, baby…_

Dean had closed his eyes after Sam had looked over and turned on the radio. He could see the questions, he'd been so thankful Sam hadn't voiced earlier, were now making Sam edgy. He knew he'd have to explain his need to get to San Antonio, just who Ronnie was and why she was so important to him. He just wasn't ready to talk about it yet. So he'd closed his eyes and pretended to sleep, knowing his brother wouldn't disturb him. They still had at least fourteen hours before they got to San Antonio and Sam would force himself to wait until Dean's next turn to drive to ask as long as he thought Dean was sleeping now. Dean didn't like to lie to Sam, even faking sleep, but he was exhausted and feared that voicing his fears would somehow make them come true. So he'd closed his eyes and lost himself in the pounding sounds of Metallica.

Then the song changed, Dean recognized it immediately and nearly laughed at the irony. It was The Cult _Painted on my heart_ the one song that always reminded him of Ronnie. It wasn't only that the lyrics spoke volumes about his feelings for her and how he tried to keep her out of his thoughts. It was that it had been their song, the song that had been playing when they'd first kissed. A small smile adorned his lips as he thought back to that night.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Painted on My Heart by: gengen0776**_

_**Please note: this chapter is completely in italics since it is a flash back. Hope that doesn't make it hard to read.**_

_**Chapter 2**_

_It hadn't been one of Dean's best days. It had been two months since Sam had left for Stanford and Dean had been in no mood to visit see one of his dad's old friends in some god forsaken little town just outside San Antonio Texas. Then Dean had lost it when his father had informed him that his friend, Jack Taylor, was going to work on the Impala. Dean couldn't understand why someone else needed to touch her but he hadn't questioned his father, he never did. _

_When they'd arrived at Jack's garage, Jack told them he was going have his best mechanic work on the Impala. He called someone named Ronnie over and damned if Ronnie wasn't a chick. One look from his father had silenced Dean's sarcastic remark; apparently John Winchester was going to let a woman work on his beloved Impala. Then Ronnie had begun to berate them about all the things that were all wrong with the a\car. She walked away muttering to herself as she'd gathered her tools. Dean had felt a little better about her working on the Impala after that. Anyone who showed that much passion for a car that wasn't even theirs was definitely someone who would take care of her. Besides she was hot in those coveralls not to mention her beautiful eyes. _

_Jack had then taken them aside to his office to talk business. They were dealing with a werewolf and that night was the last night of the moon cycle. They decided to do some recon in the area where the victims from the month before and the first two days of this moon cycle had been found._

_That was when Dean's day had gone from bad to worse. As they'd scouring the woods at the edge of a ravine where the teenagers liked to go parking, he'd lost his footing and had fallen down the steep incline. Tumbling for what seemed like forever trying to catch hold of something, anything to halt his fall, but there was nothing to grab onto. Finally, his fall was stopped by the jagged rocks along the side of the stream that ran at the bottom of the ravine. The rocks sliced a deep and painful gash in his thigh as his head smacked hard onto a large rock. He'd lain there unconscious and bleeding for nearly thirty minutes before his father and Jack had been able to get to him._

_He'd awoken later lying in an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar room, unable to remember how he'd gotten there. As he'd sat up, his head spinning, he noticed that he was in his boxers and there was a bandage on his leg. He sat a moment remembering the fall. He slid slowly off the bed and hobbled over to the chair next to the window where his duffle bag was perched. He pulled out a pair of jeans and carefully slid them on trying now to pull the stitches he knew were hidden beneath the bandage. Gingerly he made his way down the stairs wondering if his dad had waited for him to hunt the werewolf. _Yeah right. _Dean thought as he limped to the kitchen finding the lights on and music playing. _

_As he entered the kitchen he found the room empty and wondered why someone would leave the music on if they were gone. Then he noticed the open door leading out to the back porch. Dean hobbled as quietly as he could to the open door, though the blasting music easily masked any noise his approach might make. He stood in the doorway for a long moment scanning the large yard behind the house, bordered at the back and to the right by dense woods and to the left by a large red barn where Jack kept his 'tools'. As his gaze shifted closer he noted a swing set and a sandbox to the right and in front of the large porch just beyond the door. He stepped gingerly out onto the porch his gaze resting on a large porch swing where the unmistakable form of a woman sat cross-legged in the shadows; her eyes closed her breathing slow and steady. Dean assumed she was sleeping and began to turn quietly to leave not wanting to disturb her whoever she was unable to make her out in the darkness._

"_Did the music wake you?" A soft voice asked from the woman's direction. Dean spun back toward he woman whose voice was strangely familiar._

"_Nah my stomach did the waking," Dean assured patting his stomach as he stepped toward the woman. She moved out of the shadows giving Dean a better view of her face and he suddenly realized why her voice was so familiar. Though her hair was loose and she now wore street clothes, her blue-green eyes were unmistakable. "Ronnie?" He questioned bewildered, he'd been sure this was Jack's house so why was his star mechanic here? _Jack you sly dog. _Dean thought grinning internally. "What are you doing here?"_

"_Umm…I live here," she replied with a look that said 'duh'. Dean struggled a moment to understand, his head aching from when he'd smacked it on the rocks earlier. Again his mind complimented Jack on landing such a hottie at his age. "Jack's my grandfather, I live here with him," she added as though she reading his mind._

"_Oh yeah, that makes sense, he mentioned a granddaughter. I just didn't realize it was you."_

"_Yup, it's me," she replied as she stood. "How does a sandwich sound? Roast beef?" She called over the blaring music as she entered the kitchen._

"_Don't go to any trouble," Dean called, hurriedly stumbling after her into the kitchen. "Just point me toward the peanut butter and bread and I'll be fine," he added after she lowered the music but she shook her head._

"_Really it's no trouble. There's some leftover roast beef from supper," she assured as she ticked her head toward the table, giving him a 'sit down' look before turning back to the sandwich she was making. _

_Dean watched her prepare the sandwich. Her fitted crop shirt clung to her curves and showcased a tattoo on her lower back just above her low rise jeans. Dean smiled at the sight of the tattoo. _Nice tattoo, this is my kind of girl. _Dean stood up and began to limp over to her side wanting to help by getting them something to drink and to get a little closer to Ronnie. She looked over her shoulder and shook her head giving him a disapproving look._

"_Would you sit down before you rip your stitches and I have to sew you back up again." _

"_You sewed me up?" Dean asked in disbelief, though he wasn't sure why he was surprised. _Except that Dad doesn't usually let anyone near me or Sam when we're hurt; not when he can take care of us himself. _Dean thought as he moved back to the designated chair. _

"_All twenty-seven stitches," Ronnie smiled, moving toward him with the biggest sandwich Dean had ever seen. Dean forced himself to take his time and not inhale that sandwich like he hadn't eaten in days. She sat across from him, watching him eat for a moment before she spoke again. "So your dad didn't tell you anything about me?" _

"_Nope" Dean mumbled his mouth full as he eyed her curiously wondering why she seemed so uncomfortable that he might know something about her. "Why?" He asked after he'd swallowed giving her his patented Dean Winchester smile. She just smiled and shrugged, walking over to the refrigerator and grabbing two beers. She twisted the caps off and tossed them in the trash as she sauntered back to the table. "So what'd old Jack tell you about me?" Dean asked changing the subject when he realized she wasn't going to answer his question. He accepted a beer from her hand and took a long swig as he waited for her to respond. She fell back into the chair across from him and closed her eyes as she took a long sip of her own beer before answering._

"_Dean Winchester, one brother Sam, father John. Your mother died when you were four in a nursery fire caused by a demon. Your father then began hunting that demon and killing any other one that crossed his path dragging you and Sam with him. Sam ran off to Stanford a few months ago; which by the way I'm amazed either of you managed to graduate with all the moving around you did. And you have taken up your father's crusade." Dean smiled as she rambled off what she knew about him and his family._

"_You forgot to mention that I am one handsome devil." _

"_Oh yeah and cocky and self assured," she chuckled as he grinned widely at her. "But there's something in your eyes, this sadness that all your smiling and smart ass comments can't erase…losing a parent it something that doesn't ever go away," she added becoming serious as her eyes met his. Dean suddenly felt like he was looking in the mirror._

"_What would you know about that?" Dean asked defensively tearing his gaze from hers._

"_I lost both my parents," she stated simply staring down at her beer bottle, tugging on its label. "My mom died when I was a baby and my dad died when I was twelve," she added without looking up._

"_I-I'm sorry…I didn't…know," Dean stammered unsure what else to say. _What the hell Dean? You saw the pain in the woman's eyes how dumb can you be? _He berated as he realized she'd said that her mother had died when she was a baby. _Like Sam. _"Your mom…she…how did she…?" _

"_Did she die in a nursery fire like your mom?" She asked cutting him off. He simply nodded refusing to meet her gaze. "No…She killed herself…" _

"_But why?" Dean blurted out before he could stop himself. Ronnie winced at his words as though he'd slapped her in the face. She quickly stood looking as though she were about to bolt, but somehow she managed to calm herself._

"_I don't know," she whispered softly, her eyes glistening with tears. "I…I need some air," she added swiftly moving out the back door and onto the porch. Dean hesitated wondering if he should follow her outside or give her some space. He decided that he should apologize, so he limped out after her. He found her on the porch swing again; her eyes closed, her long dark hair hanging around her face that rested against her raise knees, tears glistening on her cheeks. _Great, you made the girl cry…just great. _Dean thought as he stood in front of her. He move to bend and meet her gaze but felt his stitches pull painfully in his thigh. _

"_Don't you dare pull those stitches," she warned opening her eyes in time to see Dean grimace in pain. She grabbed his arm and forced him to stand back up as she stood. She then eased him onto the swing and sat back down beside him. Staring at him a moment, she watched as the pain eased in his face. When he opened his eye, he looked long and hard into her eyes. Gently touching her cheek, he watched her eyes fluttered closed. _

"_Ronnie…I'm sorry…" Dean whispered, tugging her close to him, noticing her shiver in the cool October night air as he did. _

"_It's okay…it was a long time ago…" she assured her breath warm on his neck as she spoke. He held her a long moment, gently running his fingers through her dark curls. Pulling away a little to look at her, he wiped away the tears from her moistened cheeks. When she closed her eyes again, he leaned in and brushed her lips with his, lightly at first, then more hungrily as he felt her react, pressing against him. When the kiss ended Ronnie turned and reached for a blanket at the end of the swing and leaning back against Dean's chest, she spread the blanket over them. Dean wrapped his arms around her and let his mind drift, wondering how long he and his dad would be here and if he was willing to let himself get attached to this woman who understood the pain he felt. Sitting there he noticed the song that was playing, the Cult _Painted on my heart_. He silently wondered if the song was slightly prophetic and if he would have a hard time forgetting this woman when he left. Sitting there, with her in his arms and not moving to take things farther than a kiss was not Dean's usual style with women, but this was an unusual woman, unlike any other Dean had ever met and he knew he would never forget her._


	3. Chapter 3

It was nine a.m. when Sam stopped for gas and coffee at a small gas station outside Austin. He had been driving for almost ten hours and needed caffeine. Dean had slept almost the whole time he had driven and that left Sam with a lot of time alone with his thoughts. He tried not to think about what lay ahead in San Antonio because he knew it would cause the questions in his head to multiply and then his need to know would override his desire to let his brother sleep.

So, he had tried to think about nothing, to just concentrate on the black top in front of him and the music playing on the radio. His mind, however, had other ideas and had soon drifted to the night Andy and Eva had died, the night he had died. He thought of the deal Dean had made to bring him back, trading his life for Sam's. _One year to figure it out. One year minus two weeks to find a way to save Dean. _ He still couldn't bring himself to believe that Dean had made the deal, yet he wasn't really surprised. _I've gotta find a way to save you Dean. _ He thought as he stepped out of the Impala. He quietly closed the door, hoping not to wake Dean just yet. Dean seemed content in sleep, a small smile playing on his lips as he dreamt. Sam didn't was to disturb that if he could help it, though soon he knew he would have to. His exhaustion was accumulating and it would soon be Dean's turn to drive.

Dean awoke feeling the car come to a stop beneath him, but he fought the urge to open his eyes right away. He had been dreaming of Ronnie and their time together. A time when things had been so much simpler, when he hadn't felt the weight of the responsibility that had been passed on to him when his father died. Reluctantly, he opened his eyes as the comfort of the dream faded and he remembered the reality of the situation. They were driving to San Antonio because Ronnie needed him and he still had no idea why. Dean pulled out his phone and dialed Bobby's number; he needed to know what was going on.

"Hello," the older hunter's gravelly voice answered after three rings.

"Bobby, it'sDean. Look man, I need to know what's going on. Why does Ronnie need me?" Dean asked, trying to patiently wait as the old hunter sighed at the other end.

"Listen Dean, she just needs ya to get yer ass there ASAP…I already told'er you were on your way…She really needs ya there."

"Damn it Bobby, we are on our way, we've been driving all night! So cut the cryptic shit!" Dean shouted into the phone, exasperated that Bobby wouldn't give him a straight answer. He raked his free hand through his hair as he tried to calm himself, knowing there was only so much that the older hunter would take before he hung up. "Look Bobby, I just need to know what we're walking into here…What kind of trouble is she in?" Dean inquired his voice as close to calm as he could manage through clenched teeth.

"Honestly, Dean I don't know. She didn't gimme any details. She just said she needs ya there fast…Ya know I'd never send you boys into anythin blind…If I knew somethin more…" Dean could hear the sincerity in Bobby's voice and deep down he knew his father's best friend would never willingly put them in harm's way. _Well not without telling us what we're up against. _

"Yeah I know Bobby," Dean sighed, forcing himself to calm down further. "Thanks… we'll call you when we get there and find out what's going on," Dean promised, before slapping his cell phone shut. He sat staring out the windshield without really seeing. He believed Bobby; he knew he would never send his best friend's kids into anything blind. Dean just had a nagging feeling that there was something the old hunter knew that he didn't, though maybe it had nothing to do with Ronnie. Sam's tapping at the window, jolted him from his thoughts and he cursed himself for being so distracted. He eyed Sam cautiously, gauging his mood as he stepped out of the car and circled the front of her, moving quickly to the driver's side to take over driving.

Sam looked exhausted and the pain was still apparent in his hazel eyes. Dean knew he'd caused Sam's pain. He knew first hand the pain of having someone sacrifice themself for you. He'd known it when his father had made the deal to bring him back. It was why he hadn't wanted Sam to know about his deal. But Sam being Sam had figured it out and had vowed to find a way to get Dean out of it. Dean wondered about what the demon had said about bringing Sam back; asking him if he was sure that it was purely Sam. An image of Sam's face as he shot Jake flashed through his mind. _Maybe something else came back with him. _ Dean shook the thought from his mind. Sam had been himself since, and Dean convinced himself that Sam had simply lost himself in the moment and it would never happen again. _If something came back with him it would have showed itself by now. _

Sam stood at the driver's door of the Impala, for a long moment watching as Dean stared off into space. Dean looked worried, Sam noticed as he knocked on the window. He winced as Dean was startled back to reality. Dean looked up at him annoyed; the worry was still in his eyes, causing Sam to wonder if it was directed at him. Better that Dean be annoyed that Sam had startled him instead of noticing Sam had been watching him. _This way he can pretend that nothing's wrong. _

Sam knew he must look fatigued as Dean watched him intently as he stepped out of the car and rounded the front towards the driver's side. Sam had purposely avoided his reflection when he'd pulled open the door of the gas station's store as if Bloody Mary were going to look back at him. Yet Sam knew it wasn't the exhaustion that he was avoiding; it was the pain he knew was in his eyes. _Bloody Mary would have so much more guilt to work with this time. _ Sam thought scornfully.

Sam's guilt over Andy and Eva's deaths was eating at him a little more every day. _If I'd just shot the demon when Dad had asked, when it was in him. They'd never have had to go through any of it. Eva would be married by now…Andy would be…well doing what Andy did…And Jake… _ He had killed Jake in cold blood, shooting him as he pleaded for his life. He kept replaying the scene in his mind and it was always the same.

"My turn to drive," Dean stated extending his hand waiting for Sam to give him the keys. "You look like shit," he added, in true Dean fashion, as Sam had dropped the keys in his outstretched hand and rounded to the passenger's side.

"Yeah well you'd look like shit too, after driving ten hours straight."

"Yeah, yeah quit your whinin' Samantha."

"Jerk"

"Bitch"

The exchange had reassured Dean a little. He felt that Sam was okay, at least for now with something to distract him, but he made a mental note to keep a close eye on his brother. They drove for almost ten miles in silence, both drinking their coffees lost in their own thoughts before Sam spoke.

"So, Dean…" he began, slowly choosing his words. He needed to know what was going on, but he knew the wrong words would cause Dean to shut him out. He could feel San Antonio was a delicate subject for Dean almost the way San Francisco still was for him, but there was really only one way to ask what he had to ask. "Who's in San Antonio?"

"Wow Sammie you managed to wait ten miles, not bad," Dean replied evasively with a sarcastic grin.

"Seriously Dean, what are we walking into, here?"

"Truthfully…I don't know…" Dean answered, looking over at Sam so he could see that he wasn't lying. "All Bobby said was that Ronnie needs me there ASAP," he added with a frustrated sigh. The worried look Sam had witnessed at the gas station earlier returned to cloud Dean's tense features as he ran his right hand absently through his hair.

"Okay," Sam said weighing his words again. "So, who's Ronnie?" He asked watching Dean stare straight ahead at the road a long moment until he was sure his brother was going to shut him out again. Sam was about to call him on it, when Dean heaved a heavy sigh and began to speak.

"She's this woman I met a couple of months after you left for Stanford. Dad dragged me to this little town outside San Antonio to help his hunter friend, Jack Taylor, with a werewolf problem. Ronnie was his grand-daughter," Dean summarized ticking his gaze to look at Sam, who sat listening intently and then back to the ring on his right hand. The ring he always wore, the ring Ronnie had given him the night he had left her life and never looked back. _I thought I was keeping you safe by staying away…Maybe I was wrong maybe I should have been there to protect you…_ If something happened to Ronnie, something he could have prevented, Dean would never forgive himself.

Sam listened quietly to his brother's story. It was short and sweet and devoid of details, leaving Sam almost as lost as he'd been before it began. Except now he knew that they were going to a small town outside San Antonio, and that Ronnie was the granddaughter of one of his dad's hunter friends. _Not much help. _ Sam thought as he waited in vain for Dean to elaborate, to give him some detail to explain why this woman was so important to him.

"Ronnie's a girl?" Sam blurted out without meaning to. He wondered if like Cassie, this woman had cut Dean from her life because he'd told her the truth about the 'family business'. Sam quickly dismissed this thought as he reminded himself that her grandfather was a hunter and she knew Bobby, so she wouldn't have been shocked by such a revelation.

"Yeah, her real name is Veronique, but everyone calls her Ronnie," Dean explained, smiling a little as he remembered when they'd first met. "I thought she was a he the first time we met. Her grandfather tells us his best mechanic is going to work on the Impala, he calls Ronnie over and I'm expecting some big pot-bellied dude. Damned if it wasn't a chick."

"Dad let someone else work on the Impala?" Sam asked in disbelief. Their father had been a mechanic himself, before the night that had changed their lives forever, the night the demon had killed their mother. John Winchester was a stubborn man when it came to many things, especially his car, he let no one touch it and, he did all the work on it himself.

"Yeah, I know, I couldn't believe it either," Dean replied, gazing intently at the ring he wore on his right hand, alternating between the road and the ring as he drove.

Dean never took the ring off except after the accident, the hospital workers had removed it when he was admitted. Dean had been frantic when he had awoken to find it gone, until San found it, with the rest of his belongings, tucked away in the closet of his hospital room.

Sam stared out the window for a long moment, mulling over the little information that Dean had provided him. After a few minutes, he turned to see Dean was again lost in thought as his gaze ticked continually from the road to the ring and back to the road again. Sam wondered if Dean was remembering the hunt when he had met this woman, a woman who was so obviously important to him. Sam wondered further why, if she was so important, his brother had never once mentioned her to him before. Sam's head swam with questions again, but he forced himself to remain quiet and let his brother explain in his own time. He knew Dean would tell him what he needed to know before they got to San Antonio. So, instead he closed his eyes and made an effort to rest, knowing no matter what lay ahead he would need to be at his best


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

The sun was shining through the slats of the living room blinds and the birds were beginning their morning chorus as Ronnie awoke. The sun shone warm on her face reminding her of the warmth and safety of the dream to which the she longed to return. Slowly, she opened her eyes and surveyed her surroundings, realizing that she'd fallen asleep on the couch again. The sun caught the smooth surface of the ring she wore on her right hand, identical to the one she'd given to Dean years ago. _Do you still wear it Dean? _ She thought as her mind drifted to the night she'd given it to him.

_Ronnie sat on the porch swing pressed against Dean again. It had been almost a month since that first night when she'd fallen asleep in the safety of Dean's warm embrace. Almost a month since John had announced that he and Dean would be staying until the next full moon cycle when the werewolf had been a no-show that first night John and Jack had hunted it._

_Now they sat there, on what Ronnie knew was their last night together. Knowing she may never see Dean again. The life he lived was a dangerous one that would take him far away from her and these moments. It was a life that would put him directly in harms way, where she'd be just one on a long list of forgotten memories._

"_What's on your mind?" Dean whispered, his lips brushing her ear as he spoke. The warmth of his breath on her neck sent a shiver down her spine._

"_Nothing," Ronnie replied with a shrug. "Just tired, I guess," she added, not wanting to make the situation harder than it already was. _

_She'd let Dean get close to her, closer than she'd let anyone get in a long time, even though she knew it meant sadness when he left. She hadn't planned to, but he'd just seemed to understand her in a way no one else ever had and she was sure no one else ever would. She wanted him to stay with her, here where it was safe, yet she knew it wasn't in him. She could feel his growing restlessness with every passing day. She knew the call of the road was strong and his need to find the demon that had killed his mother was even stronger. She could understand it all, but it didn't make letting him go any easier._

"_Are you sure?" He asked, concern coloring his voice so that she could picture the furrow in his brow without seeing it._

"_Come with me," she said as she pulled away from him and quickly stood extending her hand to him. He took it, giving her a questioning look as she pulled him into the house toward the living room. "There's something I want you to have," Ronnie whispered as she pulled open one of the drawers of a desk that stood in the entranceway. "Here, take it, open it," she ordered as she extended on of two small boxes toward him._

"_What is it?" Dean asked as he took the box from her and carefully opened the lid. He stared down at the silver ring that looked like two bands fused together._

"_Well go on silly, it's not gonna bite," she smiled, taking out the ring and gently taking his right hand. She slid the ring onto his finger and smiled proudly up at his as he admired her handiwork._

"_I…I can't accept this," Dean stammered looking from the ring to Ronnie and back._

"_Dean it's just something I made from a couple of the stripped bolts off the Impala," she insisted. "Just a little something to remember me by," she added when she realize he might think there was more to it. _

"_I don't need anything to remember you," Dean assured. "Like I could forget you."_

_Ronnie smiled as he said these words, thinking that maybe she wouldn't be one of his forgotten memories after all. "Just the same, I want you to have it," she insisted. "I know you and your dad are leaving tomorrow and…well…you may not come back…" Dean began to object but she shook her head, putting her finger to his lips. "And that's okay…what you're doing is important and it's dangerous…" She paused, considering her words. "I understand why you need to go…This ring it's something to remind you that you're not alone…that there's someone out there, besides you family that knows what you're doing and knows you're a hero…" She smiled widely, watching as Dean's pride-filled eyes met hers when she called him a hero. "I want you to look at this ring and remember that there's someone out there that understands the pain in your heart that may never heal…" Her voice gave out then as the emotions swelled within her; the fear of losing Dean was more than she could bear. "And I'll do the same," she added, her voice small as she opened the second box to reveal a second ring that she slid onto her own finger._

"_I'll come back…when this is all over…" Dean whispered, his calloused hand gently wiping away the single tear that had escaped down her cheek. "Kiki, I promise…"_

"_Dean don't…" Ronnie whispered hoarsely._

"_Don't what?"_

"_Don't make promises…that you may not be able to keep."_

"_I will…I will be back," Dean whispered, his breath was warm against her skin as he tenderly kissed her neck then her cheek. He paused to look into her sad blue eyes before kissing her lips softly at first then harder as his right hand gently cradled her head and his left arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer to him. He kissed her hungrily as he picked her up in a quick graceful movement and carried her up the stairs to her bed room._

Dean drove a few hours until he found a little town with a motel and a diner. It was a chance for them to have a real meal and a good shower, before continuing on the last leg of their journey. Opting to get cleaned up first, Dean pulled into the motel parking lot next to the main office, leaving Sam asleep in the car while he went in to rent a room.

"One hour, eh," the clerk said, eying Dean with a knowing smile that spread exponentially as he looked out at the car where Sam slept. "A king or two queens?"

"Whatever's cheaper, it's just to get cleaned up," Dean replied in a tone that let the clerk know he wasn't appreciating what his smile was implying, but not really caring enough to waste any time showing the clerk just how wrong he was. _Who cares if some dumb ass motel clerk thinks we're a couple of fairies. _ Dean thought as he signed the credit card receipt and accepted the room key. A smile slid across his face as he walked to the car, when he reminded himself that he'd just paid with a fake credit card and the clerk wouldn't see a penny of the room money. He quickly drove the car over to their room before turning to wake Sam.

"Sammy, wake up, dude," Dean said as he shook his brother awake.

"What…Are we there?" Sam sputtered as he was startled awake. He quickly looked around at his surrounding then turned back to Dean. "How long was I asleep?" He asked, surprised that he hadn't dreamt of the night in the cemetery. _I guess my mind is too busy with this whole Ronnie situation. _

"A few hours," Dean replied as he got out of the car. "I thought we'd stop to get cleaned up and get something to eat before we continued on," he explained as Sam exited the passenger's side and they both walked to the trunk to retrieve their bags.

Sam nodded, agreeing that a proper meal would definitely give them a little more energy to deal with whatever awaited them at Ronnie's. Also, a shower and a shave sounded amazing to Sam after so many hours cooped up in the car. Suddenly, it dawned on him that there would be only one bathroom and if he didn't hurry his amazing shower would quickly end up a frigid one. So he quickened his pace, trying to beat Dean, who smiled widely as he passed him, to the door of the motel room.

"Where's the fire there, Champ?" Dean asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm as he jiggled the key in his hand. "You know oldest always showers first," he added with a huge grin as he unlocked the door, strategically placing himself between his brother and the door.

"Yeah right," Sam said moving closer to the door ready to push his brother aside. When the door opened Dean sprinted to the bathroom locking the door behind him with satisfied smile.

"See, told ya the oldest showers first!" Dean called through the door.

"Jerk."

"Bitch."

Less than an hour later, they sat in the small diner waiting for the waitress to bring them their meal. Both Dean and Sam, feeling much more human after a shower and a shave, sat in silence; Dean with a smug grin watching Sam who was still getting the occasional chill from being left to take an ice cold shower.

"You're a real jerk you know," Sam griped, stifling another shiver as he watched Dean's grin spread into a full smile.

"Aww, come on Samantha, it's not my fault the motel had such a small hot water tank."

"Dean, you were in there for half an hour!"

Dean simply gave him a shrug looking as innocent as he could while the waitress set their plates in front of them.

"Anything else boys?" The fifty-something waitress asked with a smile. Both men shook their heads no and she moved back to the counter. They ate heartily in silence for a long moment, quietly savoring their first real meal in almost two days.

Dean thought about seeing Ronnie again. Would it be the same? Had time and life changed her the way it had changed him? He knew he wasn't the same man that had promised to return, he'd seen and lived too much to remain unchanged. How could he expect her to be the same? He knew that her grandfather had died little over a year after their visit. He'd wanted to call her, to offer her some comforting words but he knew that wasn't what she needed. She needed him, there with her, but his father had ordered him to stay away, telling him it was too dangerous. Dean had understood that there would be other hunters there, and that it would be dangerous because over the years his father had made as many enemies as he had friends with other hunters. _Maybe more. _ So, Dean had called, leaving a lame message that had surely gotten lost among all the other lame messages she'd received. John had sent flowers on their behalf, a gesture that had greatly surprised Dean. John Winchester wasn't one to spend money on anything but the essentials: ammo, food, lodgings; usually in that order.

Dean looked over at his brother, wishing he could read his mind to know how he was doing after what had happened in the graveyard, after finding out about his deal, without having to have a touchy-feely chick flick moment. Suddenly, he realized that there was something very important that he'd neglected to tell Sam about Ronnie.

"Uh Sam, by the way, Ronnie's kinda psychic," he said, trying to make it sound like no big deal.

"What?" Sam asked unsure that he'd heard his brother correctly.

"She…she can read minds…well sort of …and she can pick up on strong emotions…you know anger, sadness…"

"Like Missouri?" Sam asked, referring to an old friend of their father's, who had helped them rid their childhood home of a poltergeist that was haunting the new family living there.

"Not exactly…actually not really…"

"Then what?"

"Well, she can't really control it the way Missouri does…so she puts up this wall in her mind to keep other people's thoughts out… but sometimes really strong emotions can get through…" Dean struggled to explain what he'd never truly understood, except that it was something that threatened to overwhelm Ronnie if she let down her guard.

"So…?" Sam asked, failing to grasp the point of Dean telling him all this if she couldn't use her power.

"So, if you're feelin' really sad about something like… that night in the cemetery…she might pick up on it," Dean explained, feeling the little patience he possessed being greatly tested by Sam's inability to be his usual quick self. "Not your thoughts about it but the emotion…If it's really strong, which I know it is…"

"I got it Dean…I won't dwell on what happened, on your deal."

"Sammie, that's not what I meant…Just try to put it at the back of your mind when you're around Ronnie…"

"So, she'd feel what I'm feeling, like Troy on the next generation," Sam implied, referring to a character on Star Trek the Next Generation.

A small grin played on Dean's lips as he pictured counselor Troy in her tight one-piece jump suits. "Sort of, except Ronnie gets really overwhelmed and it has these physical side effects…"

"Is she like one of us, one of the Demon's chosen ones? You know did her mom die like ours?" Sam asked.

Dean shook his head no remembering what Ronnie had told him about him about her mother and the other women in her family. "No her mom killed herself and she's like two years older than you. She doesn't fit the pattern."

Sam gasped a little. "That's really rough about her mom"

"Yeah, the women in her family are born with this 'gift' some stronger than others. And some deal with it better than others…"

"Whoa, umm okay…back burner…I promise," Sam assured solemnly. "So, she's had to deal with this since she was born?" Sam asked in disbelief, wondering what it would be like to have had his visions as a child. Dean nodded

"It wasn't always as strong as it is now…" Dean offered, absently staring past Sam out the window as he remembered when he'd first found out about Ronnie's power.


	5. Chapter 5

**Painted On My Heart **

**By: gengen0776**

_**Author's note: **Sorry it took so long for me to update...Life has a way of getting in the way of the creative process...I hope you haven't lost interest in me and my story!_

_**Chapter 5**_

_Dean sat out on the porch. He was nursing a beer that his father had brought him before heading to the barn with Jack to work on something. Dean had wanted to help, but his father had insisted that he rest up and let his stitches heal. It had only been a few days since he'd fallen. A few days since his father had decided they would be staying another month until the next full moon cycle to hunt the werewolf. That had been fine with Dean, a little rest, a little more time to spend getting to know Ronnie. It had all sounded great to him, until an earlier conversation with his father had left him feeling angry and betrayed. It turned out that Ronnie had a secret she'd failed to let Dean in on. She was some kind of psychic, a mind reader his father had said. That meant she could mess around in his private thoughts and know things that he wanted kept secret. _

_Hearing movement behind him, Dean turned to see Ronnie emerging from the house. She wore a pair of blue jeans with a white tank top and a crocheted turquoise sweater. Her long dark hair hung in wet tendrils around her face. She smiled warmly as she noticed him sitting on the porch steps with his beer. "There you are." Her smile waned as she stepped closer to him. "Is everything all right?" _

_"You tell me," Dean replied sarcastically, eying her as anger swelled within him at the thought that she had violated the privacy of his mind._

_"Wha…what are you talking about?" Ronnie asked, faltering slightly. Dean watched as she leaned against the railing and gazed back at him without understanding. _

Is she really going to pull that innocent act on me?_ Dean wondered as his anger grew. "Oh come on Ronnie, my Dad told me your little secret," Dean retorted, looking her straight in the eye, daring her to lie to him. She simply stared back at him, guilt clouding her eyes with tears. "He told me you could read people's thoughts." _

_"Dean, it's not what you think," Ronnie pleaded as she leaned more heavily on the railing. _

_"I guess you'd know wouldn't you." Dean's anger boiled hotter within him, unable to believe that she would try to deny it. "Come on you've been using your Jedi mind tricks on me since that first night." _

_"Dean…please it's not…not like that…" Ronnie stammered, sinking down next to the railing, her breath coming in shallow gasps as tears slid down her ghostly white cheeks. _

_"Really, then what's it like?" Dean demanded. He stood and began to pace across the porch in front of her, needing to move, his anger making him feel like a caged animal. Ronnie flinched at his question as though he'd hit her. Dean didn't care. He wanted her to admit that she was playing with him, that she'd been poking around inside his head and using what she saw there against him. _

_"I…I don't …read minds…" She began slowly, her voice low, her breathing still labored. "It isn't …something I can …control," she added, closing her eyes as though she were searching for the right words. "The only control I have…over this …this…curse is to block it out." _

_Dean stopped his pacing and stared at Ronnie for a long moment, allowing her words to sink in. He wasn't sure if he believed her. Why wouldn't his Dad have told him that part? Was it was possible that he didn't know? Dean shook his head, it was a trick. She'd known about the sadness he still carried around over his mother's death, the pain he kept hidden from everyone. There was no other way she could have known. "Right, so I'm supposed ta believe that you have this Jedi mind power and you just block it out?" _

_"You think it's some kind of movie magic, bull shit? You have no idea what it's like," Ronnie retorted, her eyes snapping open as she spoke these words. Her breath caught in her throat as another wave of anger passed through him. "Y-You know what Dean…y-you can believe whatever you want…" She stood shakily, steadying herself against the railing a moment, before she moved toward the stairs. _

_Dean watched her, noting how frail she looked as she leaned against the railing. Somehow, he knew this wasn't just an act, he wasn't sure how, he just knew. He stepped tentatively toward her as she made her way to the stairs. His heart clenched and his anger quickly turned to concern as he noticed blood trickling from her nose. "Your nose…it's bleeding…" he breathed, moving to offer her support as she swayed precariously close to the stairs. "I got ya," Dean assured as he led her to the porch swing, ignoring the pain in his stitches. "_

_"Dean…I…I didn't…I swear…"Ronnie whispered as her eyes fluttered closed. Dean eased her against the pillows on the swing, lifting her legs onto the swing so she could lie comfortably, before covering her with a throw blanket. _

_"It's okay…" Dean whispered as he brushed away a stray tendril hair from her face. "I'm…I'm sorry," he added through clenched teeth. It was never easy for Dean Winchester to apologize. He still wasn't sure he believed her, but he also knew Ronnie couldn't be faking the nose bleed and he felt like he was somehow responsible. He limped into the kitchen ignoring the pain screaming in his thigh from his stitches. He quickly grabbed a cloth and two beers from the refrigerator. _

_When he returned, Ronnie was sitting up massaging her temples. Dean moved quickly to her side as she looked up at him with pleading eyes. Dean forced a reassuring smile as he sat beside her. He handed her a beer before using the cloth to gently wipe the blood from her nose. She smiled weakly as she attempted to open the bottle of beer he'd given her, but was too drained to manage it. Dean laid aside his own bottle and grabbed hers, quickly opening and handing it back to her. "I…I should've told you…about my—" Ronnie began, but Dean lightly pressed a finger to her lips as he shook his head. _

_"I'm sorry," Dean whispered, surprising himself by apologizing a second time in less than an hour. Now it was Ronnie's turn to shake her head. _

_"You had a right to be angry. I should have told you." Color was slowly returning Ronnie's cheeks as she spoke. "It's a 'gift' the women in my family are born with," she began with air quotes as she spoke the word gift. "It started out small, you know. I was sensitive to other people's feelings…like if someone was in pain I felt it with them or if they were angry…and I could guess things like someone's name or their favorite color…I think it was mostly because they were thinking on it so hard it would just pop into my head…" Ronnie paused to take a swallow of her beer. Dean smiled, noticing that she didn't drink in small sips like most women. _

_"But that changed?" Dean prodded when the silence drew on. Ronnie nodded, slowly meeting his gaze her eyes filled with sadness. _

_"When my Dad died…it got stronger…I started hearing random thoughts from people around me…Then…" She paused, closing her eyes as she remembered. "Then it became…overwhelming…There were so many other people's thoughts in my mind that…that I got lost…" She paused again the memories obviously hard to talk about. _

_Dean gently touched her cheek, trying to comfort her, torn between telling her to stop and needing to know the rest. He needed to understand, needed to know that it was safe to be around her with his private thoughts. "You got lost…"he whispered as her gaze met his again. _

_"They…my aunt and uncle that I was living with in Montreal…they put me in the hospital…I…I was catatonic…I was lost in this…this ocean of thoughts and I couldn't find my way out…" Her voice cracked as her eyes filled with tears. "Until…my grandfather came to see me with a friend of his…she was psychic…somehow she was able to…find me and help me…find my way back," she explained, pausing to take another long swallow of her beer. Dean noticed, she was sitting straighter now and looking stronger. "She taught me to…to put up this…this wall to keep everyone else's thoughts out…Then I moved here with my grandfather…less people, less thoughts." _

_"Makes sense" _

_"So, I meditate every night to put up this wall …" _

_"That's what you were doing the other night?" Dean asked, grinning sheepishly as he realized that if her 'wall' was up there was no way she'd picked up any of his thoughts. Ronnie nodded, gently touching his face giving him another reassuring smile. "_

_"Yeah, it keeps out people's thoughts and most of their emotions too…except when they're really strong…It's mostly anger and sadness when it's really strong…it's like…I don't know how to explain it…I can physically feel the emotions…" Her voice trailed off as Dean's eyes widened with the realization that his anger was what had weakened her earlier and had probably caused the nose bleed, too. _

_"So, I made your nose bleed?" he asked in a pained voice as he scrubbed a hand across his face. "I'm…so...so sorry…I—" he apologized for a record third time. _

_"You didn't know," Ronnie interrupted, tenderly caressing his cheek before she leaned herself against him and Dean wrapped his arms protectively around her. They sat in silence for a long moment each lost in their own thoughts. _

_"You said that all the women in your family have this…this affliction," Dean stated. Ronnie nodded, turning to see Dean's face without leaving the safety of his arms. "Was it the same for them? Did it get stronger as they got older?" he asked. Ronnie nodded. _

_"For most of them it got stronger after they had kids," Ronnie explained, "or some traumatic experience, like me." _

_"So having kids is traumatic?" Dean asked with a wicked grin. Ronnie shrugged, a smile playing on her lips. Dean face darkened as a thought crossed his mind. "Is that why your mom…?" His voice trailed off as he realized how hurtful his question was. _

_Ronnie nodded. "Yeah…most of the women in my family either end up in the hospital catatonic or…" Dean felt her shiver in his arms and pulled her closer, knowing the chill wasn't from the cold, but not knowing how else to comfort her. _

_"I can be your anchor so you can't get lost again," Dean whispered, caressing her hair as they sat watching the sun set. _I swear I'll be there to keep you from getting lost ever again. _"Kiki, let me be your anchor." Ronnie sighed, closing her eyes and leaning her head against Dean's chest._

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It was dusk when they pulled up in front of Ronnie's house. Dean sat a long moment, studying the house. It looked the same as he remembered. Sam silently waited for his brother to get out, not wanting to rush him into this. Dean had been monosyllabically on the drive after their stop to get cleaned up, barely saying a word in response to any of Sam's questions. He'd clearly been lost in memories and Sam had taken the time to clear his mind of everything about that night in the cemetery and the sacrifice Dean had made for him. Sam knew he'd have to deal with it eventually, but now wasn't the time to start. He didn't know what kind of physical side effects feeling his pain would cause Ronnie. Besides he didn't want to put the poor woman through the pain he was in even without the physical effects.

"I guess this is it," Dean said as he pushed out of the car and Sam followed. Dean sauntered up to the door in his usual Dean Winchester way and waited for Sam to catch up. "Dude, is it in the vault?"

"Yeah Dean, don't worry it's in the vault," Sam assured, still wondering what the side effects of Ronnie's power were. He knew what it was like after his visions, the migraines, and the exhaustion. He wondered if it was similar or worse for her.

With that Dean rang the bell. He stood fidgeting. Sliding his hands in and put of his pockets as he waited for the door to open. They were finally here and Dean was now allowing himself to worry about the why of their journey, the thing he'd been avoiding the whole time.

The door opened and there stood a man about Dean's age. Tall with dirty blond hair, the man looked annoyed, as though they were interrupting something. "Can I help you?" he asked, looking from Dean to Sam and then back at Dean. There was a glimmer of recognition in his eyes. "Dean?"

"Yup that's me," Dean replied with a grin. "Is Ronnie here?"

"She's resting, maybe you should come back tomorrow," the man suggested without a note of friendliness.

"Look dude, she called me and asked me to get here ASAP so if you don't mind—"

"Listen DUDE, you're a little late, like four years late," the man declared, moving to slam the door in Dean's face

"What the hell …?"

"Riley, let them in," a woman's tired voice called from in the house. Riley turned to look at the woman, giving her a disapproving look. Apparently, Riley didn't like Dean, though they'd never met. "Riley let them in an' go home to your wife," the woman Dean now recognized as Ronnie, instructed from the hall. With that Riley stepped aside, allowing Dean and Sam to enter the house before slamming the door behind him. "Come on into the kitchen, I'll make you something to eat," she called to Dean and Sam as she disappeared into the kitchen.

"Dude did you know that guy?" Sam whispered as they moved to follow the woman. Dean shook his head, as he searched his memory.

"Don't mind my cousin, he's just a little over–protective," Ronnie called from the kitchen, where she was raiding the refrigerator.

"The one that was in Iraq?" Dean asked as they entered the kitchen, his gaze falling on the familiar form of a dragon tattooed on Ronnie's lower back. _God I missed that tattoo…and that ass. _Dean thought as he moved to her side.

"Yeah that's the one," she replied as she handed him a serving bowl of leftover spaghetti. She continued digging in the refrigerator as Dean moved to the microwave to heat up the pasta. "Just leave it on the counter I'll warm it on the stove," she called. "Have a seat Dean and Sam you too…you guys must be exhausted," she added, before moving to the counter and beginning to prepare them a snack. She put a pan on the flame with a little olive oil and unceremoniously dumped the pasta in before heading back to the refrigerator to pull out three bottles of beer. She uncapped them on her way to the table.

It was then that Dean got his first real glimpse of her since they'd arrived. His breath caught as he noticed how much thinner she was than he remembered and the dark circles beneath her, still breath-taking turquoise, eyes. Worry creased his brow as his mind imagined the possible reasons for the change. Was she sick? Was her 'affliction' taking its toll on her? Or as it something else entirely? "Are you all right, Kiki?" he asked in a choked voice he barely recognized. She simply nodded as she set the beer down in front of him and Sam, before turning back to the pasta.

"You really didn't have to go to so much trouble," Sam chimed. Ronnie turned to him with a knowing smile.

"Let me guess…just point you to the peanut butter and bread and you'd be fine," she laughed as Sam smiled. "You Winchesters are all the same," she added as she turned back to the pasta, beginning to plate it for the two young hunters. "I wasn't expecting you two, until at least tomorrow." She carried two overflowing plates of pasta to the table.

"Yeah we made good time," Dean said with his mouth full.

"Bobby said you were a couple of days out that you were leaving from Chicago," Ronnie pressed. She looked expectantly from Dean to Sam awaiting an explanation as to how they'd gotten there almost a day early.

"We drove in shifts," Dean said simply as though it were the most natural thing in the world. "Bobby said you needed us here ASAP, so we hightailed here," Ronnie simply nodded, leaning against the counter as she drank a long swallow of her beer as though working up the courage for what was to come next; explaining why she'd called. "Are you sure you're all right, Kiki?" Dean asked, trying to slow his eating to better focus on the woman, but it had been so long since they'd eaten a home cooked meal the pasta was damn near irresistible.

"It's not me, I'm fine," she replied, studying both men intently as she took another long swallow of her beer. "It's Lulu," she added her voice suddenly thick with emotion as she watched the two men look at each other looking bewildered.

"Lulu?" both men questioned in unison, looking from each other to Ronnie and back.

"Oh God…" Ronnie gasped, realizing they had no idea who she was talking about. Dean rushed to her side, her face growing impossibly paler than it already had been as her knees buckled beneath her.

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As always I ask you please, please, please! Take the time to review! Just a few words to let me know, you loved it , you hated it...I really live for the feedback! What can I say I'm a review junkie!


	6. Chapter 6

**Painted on my Heart**

**by: Gengen0776**

**Chapter 6**

"Kiki, please wake up," Dean whispered frantically. He picked her up and held her protectively as he carried her to the living room, laying her gently onto the couch. "Whatever it is…we'll deal with it," he assured as he crouched next to her and brushed the hair from her face.

Ronnie could hear Dean whispering worriedly to her as he carried her. She could feel his breath warm against her cheek, but she couldn't bring herself to open her eyes and face him. She much preferred the darkness that called to her, quiet and inviting, to the reality of having to hurt Dean. She knew he'd be hurt and angry when he found out about Lulu. She also knew her wall couldn't withstand much more, especially not the anger Dean was bound to feel.

Ronnie's eyes fluttered open and she struggled to focus on Dean's worried face. "Dean," she breathed, lifting her hand to gently touch his face. She traced the strong curve of his jaw with her fingertips and he felt the roughness of his beard beneath her fingers. Her tear-filled gaze held Dean's as a sad smile played on her lips.

Dean closed his eyes at Ronnie's touch, wanting nothing more than to carry her up to her bedroom and rediscover every curve of her body. Her hands were cold against his skin, reminding him of something he'd heard someone say once. _Cold hands, warm heart. _He didn't remember who had said it, but he knew in Ronnie's case it was true. She had the biggest and warmest heart of anyone he'd ever met. When he opened his eyes again, the tears glistening in her eyes and the sad smile adorning her lips caused his heart to clench in his chest. "Kiki, who is Lulu?" he whispered, searching her eyes as though the answers were somehow written there. Ronnie quietly stared at the talisman that hung around Dean's neck for so long that he thought she might not answer.

"You should sit down," Ronnie suggested. _Damn you John Winchester. How could you keep it a secret from him? How could you lie to me and make me believe he knew?_ She thought as Dean gave her a questioning look, then complied, sitting next to her on the couch. Ronnie took a deep breath there was no way to sugar coat this. She just had to come out and say it. She glanced at Sam, sitting in an armchair across the room looking awkward yet transfixed, then back at Dean's face. "Lulu…Marylou…She's our daughter—"

"I…I have a daughter?" Dean stared at Ronnie for a long moment, his eyes wide with disbelief. "HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME?" He yelled as the revelation sunk in and anger began to boil inside of him. _How could she keep this from me? _

"I…I thought you knew…" Ronnie stammered, flinching as Dean's anger battered against her weakened wall.

"How…how the hell could I have known if you didn't tell me?" Ronnie cringed, Dean's anger was as palpable to her as a raised fist ready to strike her.

"I tried to call you…when I found out I was pregnant…I left messages…every day for two weeks," she whispered as tears began to flow. Her guilt and Dean's anger weighed painfully on her chest. "Then one day your Dad answered and asked me what was so damn important…So I…I told him…he said you were on a hunt and had taken his phone…He promised to tell you when you got back," she explained her voice strained as she closed her eyes, continuing to try to block out Dean's anger as best she could.

"So what? You figured I just didn't care?" Dean spat as he stood and began to pace the way he did when he was angry. "You thought, I found out I was gonna be a father and I didn't bother to come see you or even call?"

Ronnie slumped against the couch as Dean's anger washed over her wall and crashed into her, knocking the wind from her as surely as someone punching her in the stomach. "I…I tried to call again…but…there was never any answer…then about two weeks after…after I spoke to your Dad…" She began struggling to explain through labored breath. "I started getting money in the mail…with these notes…they said it was for me and the baby…I thought it was you…I thought you were sending them…"

"So that's it…you thought I just sent money? You didn't find it strange that I never called to check on you or the baby?" Dean demanded, running his hand over his face.

"I thought…I thought you were trying to keep us safe…Your Dad even came to check on the house after Lulu was born—"

"My Dad saw Lulu?" Dean asked incredulously. Ronnie simply nodded, too weak to do much more. "Sonuvabitch," he muttered as he continued to pace. "When? When did he come?"

"Lulu was…she was about…six months…old," Ronnie replied, panting now as she struggled to breath under the weight of Dean's anger. "He…he said…you sent him…to…to make sure…that…that…the house… was safe."

"Sonuvabitch!" Dean yelled as he looked at Sam. "He knew…he knew all that time…he knew and he never told me." He turned back to Ronnie, raking his hands through his hair preparing to apologize. His father had fooled them both. He'd done what he knew Dean would probably have done himself. After what the yellow-eyed demon had done to Jessica, Dean had had no doubt that he'd done the right thing keeping his distance from Ronnie. Would it really have been different if he'd known about Lulu? Logic told him that he'd have done exactly what his father made it seem.

When his gaze came to rest on Ronnie, he gasped at the sight of her frail form slumped against the back of the couch. She was pale and her breathing was labored as it had been the night he'd confronted her about her power. _Worse. _He thought, watching blood trickle from her nose as she gazed at him through veiled eyes. "Oh God, Ronnie," he breathed, moving toward her, but then backed away. _Look what you've done to her…you sonuvabitch…you're hurting her… _He thought torn between rushing to her side and rushing out the door. _Get away from her! _The voice in his head screamed, sending him clamoring for the front door. "I've gotta get out of here."

"Dean!" Sam called, hurrying after him. "You can't just run away from this."

"Is that what you think?" Dean demanded, struggling with his anger as he stepped outside onto the porch, unsure if he was far enough away from Ronnie. He didn't want to hurt her anymore than he already had. "I'm hurting her Sammie…can't you see that?" He sighed, raking his hands through his hair again. "Please Sam, just stay with her…make sure she's all right…I just need to calm down…to deal with this before I can come back." Dean pleaded, his hands nervously scrubbing over his face.

Sam nodded his brow furrowed and his jaw clenched with worry. "Okay…but Dean—"

"Sammie, you can't tell her…promise me you won't tell her—" Again, Sam nodded as his expression became more pained. "Don't Sam…don't even think it," Dean ordered, knowing his brother was thinking that if he hadn't made that deal with the demon he would have a lifetime to get to know his daughter…now he had less than a year. He hurried down the stairs and to his car, before looking back. Sam stood watching him on the front porch.

When Sam returned, Ronnie was struggling to stay conscious. Dean's anger had all but destroyed her wall, leaving her feeling like she'd gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson. "He just…he just needs some time to…to cool down," she murmured.

Sam looked at her his brow creased with worry as he heard the Impala roar to life outside He knew she was right, there would be no talking to Dean until he cooled down. _A daughter…Dean has a daughter…I…I have a niece…_Sam couldn't believe his father would keep something like this from Dean. He could only imagine how Dean was feeling. _And thanks to me he's only got a year to get to know her. _He shook his head, pushing the thought from his mind and turning his attention back to Ronnie. "Are you…are you all right?" he asked, studying her wan complexion as she gave him a weak smile.

Ronnie forced a smile as she sat up, feeling a little better since she was no longer being bombarded with Dean's anger. She was still struggling to keep, not only, Sam's thoughts at bay, but his guilt too. _What do you feel so guilty about? _She wondered but pushed the thought away. _Those are his private feelings Kiki. _"I'll be okay," she assured, patting his arm as she stood shakily. She felt Sam's arm snake around her waist, offering her support. "I just need a little time alone." she said as she moved towards the kitchen with Sam's arm securely around her waist. Her plan was to head out onto the porch to meditate. "Why don't you finish eating…while I meditate?" she suggested as they passed the abandoned plates of pasta.

"Are you sure? You don't look so good," Sam stammered unsure what to do, but his brother had asked him to take care of her. "Maybe you should eat something too…I mean when's the last time you ate?" he pressed, remembering how drained he felt after his visions.

Ronnie nodded and gave him another weak smile. "You're probably right." Ronnie conceded. "But I really need to get my wall back up…It was already in bad shape…and then Dean's anger it…well it did a number on me." she explained as she slowly untangled herself from Sam's support. She moved toward the porch, bracing her self on the counter and then the door jamb where she paused, looking for some way to get to the porch swing without collapsing. She took a step and began to sway, but she felt Sam's strong arm around her waist again. She looked up at him with a grateful smile as he looked at her questioningly. "I just need…to get to the porch swing," she whispered, allowing Sam to guide her. She patted his arm as she sat down. "Thanks." she added, shooing him away as she closed her eyes and began taking deep cleansing breaths to clear her mind.

_How could you not tell me Dad? _Dean thought as he slid behind the wheel of his car. _Sonuvabitch…you knew, you knew and you never told me… _He pounded the steering wheel as he forced back the tears that burned his eyes. _You told me I might have to kill Sammie but you didn't BOTHER to share the fact that I had a daughter! _

Dean seethed with anger toward his father and his betrayal. Not only had his father lied to him, he'd lied to Ronnie too. John had led her to believe that he'd told Dean about her pregnancy and about Lulu. He'd even told Ronnie that Dean had sent him to check the house when Lulu was six months old. Dean knew he might have done the same if he had known about Lulu, but that wasn't the point. The point was, he hadn't been given the choice, his father had made it for him. _I mean who knows…maybe I would have stopped hunting…maybe revenge wouldn't have been as important as spending time with Lulu…Maybe I would have settled down…_ That was it, Dean knew, the reason his father had never told him. Dean's anger multiplied with the realization that his father had kept Lulu from him not to protect her or Dean, but because John hadn't wanted to lose his good little soldier. Dean, his good little soldier, who had obediently cris-crossed the country and hunted wherever his father sent him. Not when John had already lost Sam after he left for Stanford. Dean started the car, feeling the rumble of the engine beneath him as the car came to life. He sat there another moment, considering what to do. He pulled out of the drive and headed towards town, hoping to get a drink to clear his head.

He was greeted by the blaring sound of country music as he entered the only bar in town. _Great, just what I need a little honky-tonk. _He thought as he sauntered to the far end of the bar where he could be alone, barely noticing any of the other patrons. The petite blond waitress strolled over, looking like Daisy Duke in a pair of cutoffs and a tight tank top. Dean's usual flavor of choice, yet he barely noticed her.

"What can I get ya?" she drawled as she leaned over, giving him an optimal view of her cleavage.

"A bottle of JD and a glass," Dean ordered, forcing a smile. As she quickly turned to fill his order, he pulled out some money and put it on the bar, making sure to include a nice tip for the girl as she returned. She set the bottle and shot glass in front of him. "Thanks," he said, forcing another smile as he slid the money across the bar. "I'd just like to be left alone of you don't mind," he added as he unscrewed the cap on the bottle of JD and poured his first shot. He drank it down, following it quickly with another. He relished the feeling of the alcohol as it burnt its way down his throat, watching the waitress walk away.

Dean drank shot after shot of whiskey, thinking of everything he'd missed: Lulu's first step, her first word, and her first birthday. _I don't even know when her birthday is. _Dean thought, downing another shot Given the choice, he might have been there for some of those firsts. Knowing about Lulu, he might not have taken so many unnecessary risks or so unquestioningly followed his father's orders. He might not have been so quick to accept the demon's deal. Yet, deep down he knew he'd still have done anything to save his little brother. "Screw you Dad," Dean muttered, filling his shot glass. "Who made it your Goddam decision?" he asked no one in particular, before swallowing another shot. _Instead of having a lifetime with my daughter I have barely a year. _He thought, wondering if he'd have made the same decision if he had known about Lulu. _I might not have had to make that decision at all…If I'd have stopped hunting then I wouldn't have gone to get Sam to find Dad and this whole thing might not have been set in motion… _Dean stared at the bottle of Jack Daniel's, willing its numbing effects to quiet the series of What Ifs that were running through his mind.

Ronnie closed her eyes and began to take some cleansing breaths in an attempt to calm her nerves and clear her mind; but Dean's angry words and pained expression kept her from concentrating. _I should have known…I should have realized…Dean would have made some kind of contact…He would have found a safe way to see us. _She thought as her tears began to flow again. The realization that she'd caused Dean so much pain weighed heavily on her heart. Then the pain was replaced by anger, anger towards John Winchester that almost match the anger she'd felt from Dean earlier. _Who gave you the right, John Winchester? _She thought, clenching her jaw as she stared up at the stars, but her anger was short-lived. _I knew he was trying to keep us apart…I knew it when Dean accused me of reading his mind…knew it was because his father conveniently omitted the part of my story that let Dean know I had to block everything out…Why did I believe he'd tell Dean about the baby? _She demanded of herself as her tears continued to flow down her cheeks.

_Enough. _A resolved voice cried in her mind. She knew if she didn't strengthen and fix the wall that kept everyone else's thoughts at bay, she wouldn't be able to help her daughter. Helping Lulu was more important than any anger or self-loathing she felt. _I have to strengthen my wall or I'll never be able to tell Dean why I needed him here. _She thought as she took another deep breath, filling her with the resolve she needed to push aside all thoughts. She pictured the wall in her mind, the way she'd been taught, carefully replacing and securing the bricks, that had been knocked down by Dean's anger, one by one.

Sam hadn't thought he'd be able to eat, but the draw of a home-cooked meal made the half-eaten plate of pasta irresistible. He tried to take his time, eating the rest of his plate, but even eating slowly it still only took fifteen minutes to finish. He wasn't sure how long Ronnie needed meditate. So he sat there, nursing his beer for another half an hour, his mind racing with unanswered questions. How different would Dean's life be if he'd known about Lulu? Was Lulu the real reason their father had made the deal with the demon to save Dean's life? If it was, why hadn't he told Dean about her before he died? Would Dean have made that deal with the demon? Would Dean still have given his soul to save him? Was that why their father hadn't told Dean because he hadn't been sure Dean would be so willing to sacrifice himself?

Plagued with guilt, Sam searched for a distraction. He needed to clear his mind, to stop thinking about the sacrifice that Dean had made for him. The sacrifice made harder to bear, knowing that it now meant Dean only had a year to spend with his daughter. _Less than a year. _Sam thought as he paced the floor of the kitchen for a long moment before his gaze fell on the laptop on the counter. _Research. _The word gave Sam a surge of hope, hope that he could keep his promise and find Dean a way out of the deal. As he opened the laptop, he noted that it had been left on he clicked on the open web page and was surprised to find it on the American Cancer Society site. _Oh God. _Sam thought as he began to make sense of the implications. Was Ronnie sick? _No she said she was fine that it was Lulu…Oh God… _Sam raked his hand through his shaggy hair as he closed his eyes in an effort to stave off the tears that threatened to escape. _We just fond her…Dean just found out he's a Dad and not only does he only have a year but his daughter may have less. _He was so enveloped in his thoughts that he didn't hear Ronnie come back into the house.

_It's not me, I'm fine…It's Lulu… _Dean was three-quarters of the way through the bottle of Jack Daniels when Ronnie's words rang in his ears, cutting through the What Ifs that continued to plague him undaunted by the whiskey. _Something's wrong with Lulu_. The thought struck him like a ton of bricks. _Something's wrong with Lulu and I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself. _He stood quickly, sending the stool, he'd been sitting on, crashing to the floor. _I need to get out of here…I need to get back to Ronnie…_ He thought, grabbing hold of the bar to support himself as he began to sway. He closed his eyes taking, a few deep breaths until he felt his legs steady themselves then headed for the door in quick determined strides. He needed to get to Ronnie, to find out what was wrong with his daughter.


	7. Chapter 7

**Painted on My Heart**

**by: gengen0776**

**Chapter 7**

After a long moment, Ronnie opened her eyes, feeling that she had succeeded sufficiently in rebuilding her wall. She wasn't sure how long she'd been out on the porch and wondered if Dean had returned. _Only one way to find out. _She thought. She stood shakily as she was hit with a wave of dizziness. It was her body's way of reminding her that she'd barely eaten a thing in the two days since she'd brought Lulu to the hospital. She struggled to remember if she'd actually eaten at all that day as she closed her eyes, taking deep breaths to stop the world from spinning.

When the dizziness had passed, she walked across the porch to the back door, enjoying the cool night air. She smiled as she entered, noticing Sam's empty plate on the table. She found Sam, standing at the counter. She watched him from the doorway for a moment. She wondered again about the guilt she'd felt from him earlier but she pushed the thoughts aside. "I see you finished your plate," she chimed as she took a step into the kitchen. "I guess I'm a pretty good coo…" her voice trailed off, her smile evaporating as Sam turned his pained expression her way. She gave him a questioning look as she noticed he was standing in front of her laptop.

"I…I'm sorry…I was just…I just wanted to…to uh check my e-mail…" Sam stammered as he stepped guiltily away from the computer.

"It's okay," Ronnie assured. She moved toward him, pulling two beers from the refrigerator as she passed it and handed one to him when she stepped beside him. _There's that guilt again. _She thought as her gaze fell on the computer screen. "Oh," she mumbled, feeling the beer bottle began to slip from her grasp as she looked back up at Sam. She could see the questions in his eyes, questions she didn't have the answers to. _Lulu, how could I forget…even for a second? _She thought, chastising herself for taking even a moment to joke. _What kind of mother am I? _

"Are you okay?" Sam asked, grabbing her beer before it crashed to the ground. His brow furrowed with concern as his mind raced with questions, but the look in her eyes made him hold back. She swayed precariously, leaning heavily against the counter for support.

Ronnie simply nodded, unable to find her voice for a moment as tears burnt her eyelids. Somehow, with all that had happened since their arrival and the shock of finding that Dean hadn't known about his daughter, she'd forgotten that their daughter lay in the hospital.

"Ronnie…where's Lulu?" Sam whispered as though reading her mind, his voice gentle as he suddenly registered his niece's absence. When Ronnie's tear-filled eyes met his, Sam's jaw clenched in time with his heart. He was overcome with sadness at the realization that something was wrong with Lulu. "What's wrong with her? Is it cancer?" He asked softly, touching her arm in a gesture of comfort and support.

"Cancer?" Dean asked as he stumbled into the kitchen doorway, face pale, watching them closely his mind raced with the possibility that they were talking about Lulu. _Oh God, does she have cancer? _Dean worried, he'd been hoping this would be something supernatural; something he could fight and save his daughter from, to be her hero. Cancer, that was something he couldn't shoot with a silver bullet or salt and burn. It was out of his hands.

"Dean." Ronnie whispered, meeting his gaze as he approached her. She could see the panic in his eyes and wished she could say something to reassure him. Her hand gently grazed his cheek as he stepped in front of her. "Can we…Can we sit down?" she asked her voice small. She began to sway as she struggled to fight back the tears that welled in her eyes.

"Sure…okay." Dean mumbled absently, looping his arm around Ronnie's waist and pulling her close to him. Ronnie's eyes fluttered closed a moment as relief momentarily washed over her. She was in Dean's arms where she always felt safe, where everything would be okay. "You all right?" he whispered in her ear his warm breath against her neck smelt of whiskey. _Of course she's not…your daughter might have cancer…_ He thought. Ronnie nodded her eyes still closed as he guided her to one of the chairs near the table. "I'm sorry," he breathed, caressing her cheek as a lone tear escaped down its side. She opened her eyes and gave him a questioning look. "I shouldn't have left like that."

"Dean if you hadn't left when you did…" Ronnie's voice trailed off, silence hanging between them as they considered what might have happened. Would her wall have fallen? Could she have gotten lost again? She looked from Dean to Sam who still stood unmoving at the counter, watching them. "Please, sit down both of you." she requested, wanting Sam to know he wasn't intruding on this moment, but rather that he was a welcome part of it.

She took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment as she pictured her wall. She made sure it was strong enough to withstand the sadness she was about to cause both Winchesters. "Lulu is…she's in the hospital…" she began hesitantly unsure how to explain the events that had lead to her daughter's seemingly sudden illness. "Two days ago she…she had a seizure—" Ronnie's voice cut off as a sob lodged itself in her throat. As she struggled to stave off the break down that would surely occur if she allowed herself to accept the possibility that her daughter was on her deathbed. Ronnie felt Dean's hand on hers, his skin warm against her cold hand. Again she looked from Dean to Sam, seeing the questions that they were deliberately holding back in an effort to let her tell them what was going on, without rushing her.

_A seizure…why what happened? What's wrong? _Dean's mind screamed as both he and Sam bit back the questions that Ronnie's declaration had triggered. They could see the pain in the woman's eyes and understood her need to tell them at her own pace. They could see Ronnie was very close to her breaking point and neither man wanted to pushed her past it. Instead, Dean tried to push away his own growing sense of dread, placing his hand atop Ronnie's cold one in a gesture of support and comfort that he hoped would help her deliver the painful news of the situation she'd been forced to deal with alone. _I should have been here. _He thought, cursing his father, yet again, for not telling him about his daughter.

"She had a fever the night before, but it was gone that morning…then when she came down for breakfast…she said she still wasn't feeling well…that she was tired and her head was hurting…but I…I thought it was because she didn't want me to go to work, ya know…she does that sometimes…but then…she…she just crumpled to the floor…an-and started convulsing…and after she…she just wouldn't wake up…" Tears began to flow down Ronnie's cheeks now, her breath catching in her throat as her mind flashed with the sight of her daughter thrashing on the kitchen floor less than two feet from where she currently sat.

Sam continued to follow Dean's lead; sitting and quietly listening to Ronnie tell her story without interruption or prodding. His heart clenched painfully as he watched Ronnie stare at the floor, lost in thought, no doubt remembering that morning. He turned to look at Dean, who sat staring at Ronnie. his face filled with pain and disbelief, as tears slid down his cheeks. _Fever, convulsions! _Sam's mind began to race. _Those are symptoms of possession… _But he pushed the thought aside for the moment, he could address his theory to Dean later.

_How can this be happening? _Dean thought as he watched Ronnie stare at the floor, a pained expression on her face, knowing she was picturing their daughter there. _How can I finally find out that I have a daughter and lose her in almost the same moment? _He could feel the tears flowing down his cheeks, but he didn't care. This wasn't the time for his macho Winchester ego to complain about it, this was his daughter. _She's not lost yet! _A voice screamed in his head, reminding him that there may be hope that Ronnie may have called him here not because his daughter was dying, but because there was something he could do to help.

"What did the doctors say?" He asked, his voice a hoarse whisper. Ronnie lifted her gaze toward his voice, looking dazed for a moment as though she'd forgotten he was there or hadn't understood the question. Dean stifled the urge to ask again, instead waiting patiently for her glazed eyes to refocus on him and allowing her tired mind the time to process his question.

"They're not sure…they think something is wrong with her blood," she replied her voice flat with exhaustion.

_They're not sure? How can they not know? What kind of doctors are they? _Dean's brain screamed as he quietly sat, waiting for Ronnie to continue. One look told him that she was shutting down, withdrawing into herself as exhaustion finally took its inevitable toll.

"Like leukemia?" Sam asked in the gentle manner the situation called for. Sam had always been the sensitive one, the one with the right words in these situations. _It may not be something supernatural after all. _He thought, knowing to Dean, it would be easier to have a monster to fight. Dean watched as Ronnie slowly looked across the table at Sam, a sad smile forming on her lips as tears coursed down her cheeks.

"Or Aplastic anemia or Paroxysmal nocturnal something or God knows what!" she replied, her voice strained with fatigue and frustration. She stood as her exasperation peaked, making her to want to run from this whole situation and never look back. Instead, she began to pace, her body infused with nervous energy that needed to be expended. "I was hoping I'd have some kind of answer for when you got here…but…I don't," she added with a defeated sigh as she stumbled, her legs giving out from beneath her. "I should be with her…I wanted to stay with her," she sobbed as Dean picked up her broken form and moved toward the stairs, leading to the second floor bedrooms with Sam close behind. "The doctor…he sent me home…he said I needed rest…he doesn't understand I need to be there in case she wakes up…but he wouldn't listen…he wouldn't let me stay another night…he made Riley take me home…he told me they wouldn't let me into the children's ward until tomorrow morning…He…he said they'd call me if there was any change," Ronnie was mumbling as her head lulled against Dean's chest.

When they arrived upstairs, Dean moved toward the door he remembered to be Ronnie's bedroom pausing in front of it to wait for Sam to move open it. As the door opened he was welcomed by the pink and purple walls of a little girl's room, brimming with stuffed animals, Lulu's room. Realizing his mistake, he quickly turned toward what had once been Ronnie's grandfather's room, assuming that she'd taken it after his death. Sam quickly moved to open the other door then stepped back to let Dean pass with Ronnie's sleeping form in his arms. Dean gently laid her on the bed, smoothing the hair from her face as he stared down at her.

"Don't leave," Ronnie whispered mournfully, her eyes snapping open as he left her side and moved toward Sam.

"I'll be right back, I'm just gonna get Sammy set up in the guest room." Dean assured, hurrying to her side and caressing her cheek. He waited until she'd closed her eyes again, before moving through the door and closing it behind him. He led Sam to the guest room that lay between Ronnie and Lulu's bedroom. The he quietly entered his daughter's room, taking everything in as though he may never get another chance to see any of it.

He sat on Lulu's bed, picking up a couple of stuffed animals, knowing that none of the dozens that adorned her room had come from him. He wondered how many Ronnie had bought on his behalf, telling Lulu they'd come from her Daddy. _I still don't even know when her birthday is…or how many I've missed…_ He thought sadly as he prayed that they would both be around to celebrate her next one together. _Hah…I don't even know what she looks like…Does she have my eyes? Is she as beautiful as her mother? Does she have Sammy's big ears? _He longed to see her, to talk to her, to hold her in his arms. Yet, he dreaded it at the same time, seeing her in the hospital, so small, laying there hooked up to machines. _It's hard enough seeing Sammy lying in a hospital bed... _

He threw aside the stuffed toys and grabbed Lulu's pillow. _The joke's on Dean Winchester. _He thought ruefully. _I can never really have anything or anyone, not without it being taken away. I had a mother…before the demon ripped her away from me…A childhood…said so long to that at four years old…A father…he died to save me…A brother... and I let him die…sure, I saved him after, but not before selling my soul…Now I find out I have a daughter…and she's sick and may be dying…I wonder if that Demon would take a second mortgage on my soul? 'Cause I'd give my soul, right now, to have my daughter alive and well…_ Dean thought as an angry sob escaped from his throat. He buried his face in her pillow to muffle the crying he didn't want Ronnie to hear. _I have to be strong for her; she has enough with her own sorrow to deal with. _He thought, noticing that Lulu's pillow smelt like strawberries. _Must be Lulu's shampoo. _He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, drinking the scent in as he would if he were holding Lulu in his arms. _Why Dad? Why didn't you tell me? I sacrificed so much for you; how could you keep her from me? _He heard footsteps in the hall behind him and looked up to see Sam standing in his doorway his soulful eyes filled with sadness and guilt.

"I…uh…I'm sorry," Sam stammered, without meeting Dean's gaze.

"Don't."

"I can't help it man…I mean if you had known."

"Sam, I said don't…If I had known, it wouldn't have changed my decision—"

"Come on Dean, you can't tell me you would have made that deal if you had known about her," Sam hissed as Dean glared at him.

"Look Sammy, the truth is if I had known I may never have had to make that decision. If Dad had told me when Ronnie was pregnant, I might have settled down and I might not have gone to get you at Stanford to help me find Dad…I mean this whole thing might never have been set into motion," Dean said, sighing as he raked his hands through his hair. "Listen there's no use wasting time or energy on what ifs…all we have is what is."

Sam knew Dean was right. There was no changing the past. _What's done is done. _Sam reminded himself, but it failed to alleviate his guilt. _Unless you sell your soul to a demon. _"I'm gonna go get the bags out of the car," Sam offered, preferring to change the subject as he headed towards the stairs.

"No weapons," Dean called softly from Lulu's doorway. Sam turned to look at him questioningly. "With all the wards and charms Jack put in this house we won't need 'em," Dean assured. "Even the water is holy." A nostalgic smile played on his lips as he remembered when Jack had explained the whole thing to John and him. "Jack had the well blessed and all the water that comes into the house is from that well, so it's holy water."

Sam just shook his head in disbelief. "Smart man, okay so no weapons," he confirmed as he quietly bounced down the stairs.

Dean turned back to Lulu's room, glancing around at the scattered toys and knick knacks. _I wish I were here under happier circumstances. _He thought, wishing he were tucking his daughter into bed instead of looking around her room for a photograph of her to know what she looked like. He spotted a photograph on the nightstand next to her bed and moved quickly toward it, his curiosity peaked. When he picked it up, he was surprised to find a photograph of Ronnie and him. He smiled, remembering the day it had been taken and how simple things had been back then. _She knows what I look like. _He thought filled with pride that his daughter kept a photograph of both her parents next to her bed. He sighed as he replaced the photograph and moved toward the door. He closed the door behind him as he slowly shuffled back to Ronnie's room to check on her.

She lay curled on her side, sleeping, and her breathing was slow and steady. Seeing her peacefully sleeping form brought a smile to his lips. He sat at the edge of the bed and glanced around the room. He saw more photographs of himself and some of Jack and his father. Then his gaze came to rest on her dresser filled with photographs of a little girl he knew had to be Lulu. He stood slowly, tentatively stepping towards her dresser as though he were afraid it was a mirage that might disappear if he moved too quickly. There were pictures of Lulu from when she was a baby to more recent moments. It was like watching a slideshow of his daughter's life. He picked up what looked like the most recent photograph. He gazed at the beautiful little girl who smiled up at him from the picture, admiring her blond pigtails, and mischievous twinkle in her blue-green eyes. _She has my eyes and Mom's blond hair! _He thought his heart filled with pride. _But she looks just like Ronnie too…her smile, her nose…the almond shape of her eyes… _

He didn't notice he was crying, until a tear fell onto the glass of the picture frame he held. _I won't let you take her from me…from Ronnie…You hear me God? I'm gonna fight for her…do whatever it takes to make her better… _He thought as he moved back to the bed, where Ronnie still lay peacefully sleeping. He slowly lay down next to her, not wanting to disturb her much needed rest. He held the photograph against his chest and closed his eyes, drifting off to sleep as he imagined what it would be like to hold his daughter in his arms and hear her little heart, beating in her chest. _I'm gonna save you Lulu…I promise…_

_Reviews are golden! Please, please, please review it means so much to hear what you think of my story! Thanks so much to everyone who has been reading and reviewing you are awesome!_


	8. Chapter 8

**Painted on My Heart**

**By gengen0776**

**Chapter 8**

It was barely six a.m. when Ronnie awoke, her eyes burning as she opened them and tried to focus on the alarm clock next to her bed. _Why do my eyes feel like they're being rubbed with sandpaper? _ She wondered as she rubbed the tender orbs. _Because you've barely slept in 3 days. _ A little voice in her head reminded. _And because you never took out your contact lenses last night. _ She silently cursed herself for forgetting. Even when she'd spent the night at the hospital she'd remembered to take them out. She quietly slid out of bed and padded to the adjoining bathroom to take out the offending objects and to close the lights.

She stared at herself, bleary-eyed in the mirror after she'd removed the contact lenses and tucked them away in the assigned spots in their case. _ I don't look so bad after all. _ She thought as she rummaged absently through the vanity drawer, searching for a long forgotten pair of glasses. She slid on the hated lenses, returning her gaze to the mirror. She immediately regretted the new-found clarity. _No wonder Dr. Logan sent me home and banned me from the hospital until morning. _She thought, noting how tired she looked. The thought of the hospital drove home the reality that her daughter wasn't tucked away safely in bed. _Lulu. _ Ronnie gripped the side of the sink as her knees threatened to buckle beneath her. Exhaustion and the weight of all that had happened were almost too much for her body to handle.

_Come on Ronnie, you're stronger than this. _ She reminded as she moved slowly back to the bedroom, her gaze sweeping the room and falling on Dean's sleeping form. _God Dean, I almost forgot you were here. _ She smiled, her eyes wet with tears as she watched the steady rise and fall of Dean's chest. She moved towards the bed quietly, hoping not to wake him. As she stepped closer she saw that he was holding something pressed to his chest. It took her a moment to recognize that it was a picture frame. Her gaze ticked toward her dresser where she found a recent photograph of Lulu missing. The tears that had been threatening to fall broke free as she realized that the pictures that adorned her dresser were the first glimpse that Dean had had of his daughter. _I'm so sorry Dean…I should have known your father hadn't told you… _ She thought, her heart breaking with the realization of how much time Dean had lost with his daughter and everything he'd missed. Ronnie stifled a sob as she hurried quietly out of the room. She knew Dean was a light sleeper, part of being a hunter, and she didn't want him to wake up and find her crying over him. She knew he would try to convince her that there was no way she could have known, that his father was to blame. But to her that just wasn't true, she felt as much to blame for believing John.

Ronnie padded quietly down the hall, stopping at the linen closet to retrieve a towel on her way to the bathroom downstairs so that she wouldn't disturb the sleeping brothers. As she passed the kitchen, she noticed that the mess from the night before, the mess that she'd planned to keep her self occupied cleaning had already been cleaned. _Dean? _But even as her mind asked the question she dismissed it. Dean Winchester was a lot of things, but a man who did housework was not one of them. _Sam. _ She nodded to herself. The younger Winchester seemed the more likely choice. She'd noticed his need to be helpful the day before and somehow knew it was closely related to the guilt she'd felt from him. _Does he think it's somehow his fault that his father never told Dean about Lulu? _ She wondered as she turned on the water for in the shower, letting it run until it was good and hot before stepping into the spray.

"What now?" She asked of the empty kitchen after she'd showered and changed. She considered her options. She could meditate some more, she could work on Dean's car that she knew needed a tune up. _He runs that car way too hard. _ Or she could cook. Like tinkering with cars, cooking was something that she enjoyed and kept her busy when she was nervous or upset. _I'll never be able to concentrate enough to meditate. _ She reasoned, mentally crossing it off her list. _Shouldn't touch Dean's mistress without asking. That leaves cooking…I could bake some muffins for the nurses in Lulu's ward. _

Baking had had the desired effect on Ronnie. The measuring and mixing had sufficiently distracted her and she now had three dozen muffins, cooling on the counter and another dozen she'd just pulled from the oven. She glanced at the clock on the stove, noting it was just past seven. _I should start making breakfast, Dean and Sam should be getting up soon. _She pulled two large frying pans from the drawer under the stove.

She then moved to the refrigerator, pressing play on the CD player as she passed. She pulled out the makings of breakfast; bacon, eggs, hash browns and sausage as she hummed along to the CD of her favorite songs.

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_"It's time to pay up Dean…Time to keep your end of the bargain," the demon sneered as she reached out and touched his chest. _

_"I thought you sent the hell hounds to collect," Dean said, trying to keep his voice steady as a pain grew in his chest. _

_"Oh for you Dean, I just couldn't resist collecting myself," she drawled as she circled behind him, her hand never leaving his chest. _

_"I'm…flattered…really," Dean choked as his heart clenched painfully in his chest and he struggled to breath. _

_"So tell me Dean was it worth it?" the demon whispered in his ear as he collapsed to his knees, gasping painfully. "Was it worth giving up your life for Sam?" _

_"I'd…I'd do it again…in…in…" _

_"In a heartbeat?" she smirked, watching as Dean gasped for breath. His hand clutched hers against his chest. "Even if it meant you could have saved your daughter? It must have been so hard watching her waste away like that…" "_

_"No! She's not dead!"_

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Dean awoke with a start. Glancing frantically around the room, he tried to remember where he was, with the dream fresh in his mind. As he sat up, he realized, he was clutching something to his chest. He looked down at the picture of his daughter, smiling back up at him. _I'm gonna save you… _ Dean thought as tears rose in his eyes. _Even if I have to sell my soul again…Even if I have to die right now so that you can live…_ He wiped the tears from his eyes, laying the photograph on the bed and realizing that Ronnie was gone. _How did she do that?_ He questioned, wondering how she'd managed to get out of bed and out of the room without him hearing her

As he moved toward the master bathroom to relieve his protesting bladder, the scent of bacon wafting up from the kitchen made his stomach growl. _Ronnie's making breakfast. _ He thought as he emerged from the bathroom and picked up the picture of Lulu from the bed where he'd left it. _That woman sure knows the way to a Winchester's heart. _ As he moved into the hall, pausing at Sam's door as he debated whether to wake his brother or not. He decided not to wake him yet, he wanted a few minutes alone with Ronnie. He hurried down the stairs, still clutching the photograph to his chest. As he entered the kitchen, he saw Ronnie standing at the stove, singing along to the radio, the volume low not to wake him or Sam.

_"I've tried everything that I can_

_To get my heart to forget you_

_But it just can't seem to…" _

Dean smiled as he listened to her singing softly, oblivious to the fact that he stood there, listening. He recognized the song, _the Cult Painted on my Heart,_ and wondered if she remembered that they'd kissed for the first time while it had played. _Chicks always remember that stuff. _ He thought as he stepped quietly towards her. "Nice singing." He whispered with a smile as he came up behind her and slid his arm around her waist. He felt her jump a little, before she spun around to face him.

"Dean," she breathed their faces so close Dean suddenly worried about his breath. He pulled back slightly, without letting go of her waist. Ronnie pulled him closer, burying her face in his shirt.

"Something smells good," he commented when she pulled back after a long moment and looked up at him.

"It should, I'm making your favorite breakfast," she whispered as he pushed a stray tendril of hair from her eyes, looking surprised as he noticed her glasses

"I didn't know you wore glasses," he whispered. "You look smarter." He grinned mischievously, gauging her reaction.

"Cause I looked stupid without them?"

"That's not what I said…I said _smarter_…meaning I already thought you were smart," Dean stammered as a smile spread across her lips. "Actually you look like a really hot school teacher…you know the one all the guys want to…"

"Uh huh, sure," Ronnie laughed as she turned back to her cooking. "Flattery will get you…"

"Everywhere," Dean interjected with a wicked grin as he bent and kissed her neck, causing Ronnie to giggle. His gaze fell on the mountain of muffins on the counter and his curiosity was peaked. "What's with all the muffins?"

"Oh, they're for the nurses in the children's ward," Ronnie explained, her body stiffening slightly. Dean felt his heart clench as he realized that he'd let himself be distracted from the fact that his daughter was lying sick in the hospital.

_Great Dean you've barely known you're a father for twenty-four hours and you've already forgotten. _ He chastised as he pulled back from Ronnie and slowly moved to the table, staring down at the photograph he still held of Lulu. "Kiki, I…I was wondering," he began, without meeting her gaze as she looked his way. "Could I…um, have this picture of Lulu?" He asked as he gazed down at his daughter's smiling face.

"Of course…" Ronnie replied with a gentle smile. "I'm sure we put a copy of it n your album." She added as he looked up at her gratefully.

"Album? I have an album?"

"Yeah, it's just a little something, Lulu and I have been working on…I was gonna send it to Bobby to give to you since you move around so much…" She explained as she moved out of the kitchen and into the living room. "There are photos from when Lulu was a baby to more recent ones like that…and Lulu drew a few things for you that we put inside too." She added as she returned with a black leather bound photo album with the words 'Daddy's little girl' on the cover in sticker letters, handing it to Dean.

"Kiki, I've been meaning to ask…why'd ya name her Lulu?"

Ronnie smiled she'd been expecting the question sooner. "Actually, I named her Marylou; Mary after your mom and Lou for my mom Louise." She explained, watching Dean's eyes light up.

"Oh…I…that's…" Dean stammered, his eyes glistening with tears. "I don't know what to say…" He whispered, a sad smile gracing his lips as he flipped open the cover of the album, seeing the same photograph he'd seen in Lulu's room of him and Ronnie. _My Mommy and Daddy. _ Dean read in gold letters under the picture of him and Ronnie, smiling next to each other his arm wrapped protectively around her waist as they leaned against his beloved Impala. He looked up at Ronnie, seeing the tear-filled smile on her lips as she watched his reaction. He turned the page to see a little pink face staring up at him. _The day I was born…July 3rd 2004…9lbs 7oz. _ "Is that big?" Dean asked, looking up at Ronnie who nodded as her smile broadened.

"Yeah, it is…" She replied. "She was a real little porker…I had to have a cesarean, she didn't want to come out," she added with a chuckle, watching Dean's eyes wide as his hand flew to her abdomen, touching it gingerly.

"Did it hurt?" He asked his voice small like that of a young child nervously awaiting his first dentist visit.

"Not really…I was frozen…they gave me an epidural." Dean made a face and Ronnie realized that he had misunderstood. "They take this huge needle and stick it in your spine…and it freezes you're lower half…" She watched his face grow pale as he imagined the large needle being inserted into her spine. "It doesn't hurt …really." She added, hoping to reassure him.

"I should have been there…I should have been with you…"

"Dean, come on, we both know there's no use for shoulda, coulda, wouldas…You're here now that's what matters," Ronnie assured, her fingertips tracing the line of his strong jaw as she looked down into his upturned eyes. "And what you do is important Dean…you save people…keep them safe from things that they don't even know exist."

"I'm starting to wonder if it's worth it," Dean mumbled. _Is it worth losing all this time with my daughter? _ He closed his eyes. He tried to push back the tears rising in his eyes and everything from his mind but the gentle touch of Ronnie's fingers on his jaw. "What if I wasted the only time I could have…"

"Dean," Ronnie whispered, wiping away a stray tear as she crouched in front of him. "Lulu's gonna be fine…we'll get through this and you'll have a lifetime to spend with her," she murmured, lacing her arms around his neck as she leaned in and held him close. She sighed softly as she felt him collapse against her.

"Ronnie…I," he breathed against her neck, fighting back the sob rising in his throat. _How do I tell her that all I have is a year? _

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Sam awoke to the smell of breakfast, wafting up fro the kitchen. He'd barely slept, spending most of the night pouring over his laptop in search of a way out for his brother. _It's been weeks and still nothing. _ He thought, slamming his laptop shut and threw it onto the bed as he stood up and stretched his aching muscles. He glanced at his watch, seeing that it was almost seven-thirty, he quickly headed out the bedroom door and moved toward the stairs. He could hear music, playing in the kitchen as he approached, the smell of bacon and blueberry muffins, beckoning to him.

"Morning," he greeted as he entered the kitchen, noticing too late that he was interrupting a private conversation. Ronnie was crouched at Dean's feet, holding him tightly as he buried his face in her hair, murmuring something Sam couldn't make out. "Is everything okay?" he asked, fidgeting nervously as his mind raced with the possible reasons for the scene before him. _ What if they have bad news…bad news? What if Lulu is worse? _

"Sammy…you're awake," Dean said as he looked up at his brother, his eyes glistening with tears, his face filled with pain. "How'd you sleep little brother?" he asked, forcing a smile as Ronnie stood up, wiping away her tears and giving him a weak smile of her own.

"Everything is fine…well the same…I haven't had any news," Ronnie assured as she moved to Sam's side and gently patted his arm. "Dean was looking at a photo album Lulu and I have been working on for him." She added gesturing toward the open album on the table in front of Dean. Sam moved to the seat next to Dean gazing at a picture of Lulu as a baby dressed up in a pumpkin costume with the words _My first Halloween_ written beneath it.

"Is that Lulu?" Sam asked, a smile playing on his lips as he gazed down at her chubby little face.

"Yeah…isn't she beautiful?" Dean asked, his voice filled with pride as he turned the page to see another photograph of Lulu, this time wearing a birthday hat and a cake in front of her, the words _My second birthday_ written beneath it.

"Thank God, she looks like her mother," Sam joked, giving his brother a playful punch in the arm.

"She's got Mom's blond hair," Dean pointed out as he turned the page, looking down at the next photographic glimpse into his daughter's life so far.

"And Dean's eyes," Ronnie called from the stove to which she'd retreated to continue making breakfast.

"And she's got Mom's name…well partly. Ronnie named her Marylou after Mom and her mother Louise," Dean explained as he smiled down at a picture of Lulu dressed as a fairy princess _My second Halloween_ written beneath.

"That's..that's really cool…like an homage," Sam said, his voice cracking with emotion. He beamed with pride, looking Ronnie's way. "That would mean a lot to them…I'm sure." Ronnie nodded, knowing he was right. It had been her way of making Lulu's two dead grandmothers part of her always. They stood there for a long moment each lost in their own thoughts.

"So…Sammy how do you like your eggs?" Ronnie asked as she moved to the refrigerator and pulled out the carton of eggs.

"I'm not really…"

"What hungry? Come on Sam we both know you're always hungry…and Ronnie went through all this trouble," Dean insisted, knowing that Sam was still feeling guilty about the deal Dean had made and its repercussions. "Oh and Kiki…Sam only lets me call him Sammy," Dean said with a shrug as he continued to peruse his album.

"Sorry…I didn't…"

"Don't listen to Dean…Actually, I only let family call me Sammy…and you're family to Dean…so you're family to me," Sam assured, turning to her with a smile.

"Thanks…that…that means a lot to me," Ronnie whispered, feeling her emotions working overtime again. "Are you sure you're not hungry? We still have some time before visiting hours and the food at the hospital…well…it sucks," she added, changing the subject.

"Over-easy please," Sam sighed as he realized there was no way he was leaving without eating something.

"I like mine sunny-side-up 'cause they look like—"

"Yeah I remember," Ronnie interrupted, rolling her eyes as Dean waggled his eyebrows and grinned widely. The three of them laughed, allowing themselves a moment's reprieve, a moment to forget what had brought them together that morning and just enjoy each other's company. Just for a moment.

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After breakfast, the boys went upstairs to shower and change before they left for the hospital while Ronnie remained downstairs, putting away the few leftovers.

"I call dibs on the shower," Dean called as he and Sam hurried up the stairs after breakfast. They'd left Ronnie downstairs while they'd come up to shower and change and there was no way he was going to wait on Sam to shower first. He was they oldest and besides, he wanted the chance to have a few more minutes alone with Ronnie before they headed to the hospital.

"Dude come on, you showered first yesterday," Sam whined as he watched Dean race to Ronnie's room to retrieve his duffle bag. Sam considered, trying to beat his brother to the bathroom but changed his mind. Maybe this wasn't Dean's usual 'I'm the oldest so I go first' thing. _Maybe, he wants to spend some more time alone with Ronnie._ He thought as he slowly moved to the guest room where he'd left his duffle bag.

Dean was surprised when Sam didn't try to beat him to the bathroom and instead headed into his room. He followed Sam into the guest room, knowing he was still feeling guilty. _This has to stop. _ He thought as he readied himself to confront Sam again. _I have to make him understand that none of this would have changed my decision…That it was my decision not his. _ "What's going on Sammy? Aren't you gonna try to beat me to the bathroom?" he asked, studying his brother carefully.

"Nah it's cool…you're the oldest…it's the rule," Sam replied flatly, without looking up from his duffle bag as he rummaged through it.

"Come on Sam, we both know what's goin' on here," Dean stated, giving Sam a 'don't bullshit me' look.

"It's just I can't help but think—"

"Listen Sammy, this has to stop…if you keep thinking about it, Ronnie's gonna sense it…Besides it was my decision, you have nothing to feel guilty about….You didn't ask me to save you…I did it…I made the decision…not you," Dean assured, hoping that somehow this time he'd be able to get through to his brother.

"But, Dean—" Sam began to protest but Dean glared at him, daring him to say it again. To tell Dean that had made a huge mistake that he wasn't worth his brother giving up this life with a daughter and a woman that loves him.

"Sammy, it is what it is," Dean stated simply. "There's no point wondering what if…It doesn't change what is," he added, clapping his brother on the shoulder. Sam stared at him a long moment, before finally nodding his agreement.

"You're right…I know…we can't change what's done," Sam admitted hesitantly. "But what am I supposed to do? I can't just let you die…not when I know what you'll lose…who you'll leave behind…and if Lulu…I just don't know if Ronnie could take losing you both."

"Lulu is gonna be fine…I'll make sure of it…and then Ronnie won't lose both of us," Dean replied simply with his undeniable Dean Winchester assuredness.

"But Dean—"

"No Sammy…no more buts," Dean interrupted, turning his back on Sam and heading to the bathroom to quickly shower and change so that Sam could do the same. They needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible. "We don't have time for 'em," he added, signaling the end of the conversation, leaving Sam staring after him with so many things left unsaid.


	9. Chapter 9

**Painted on My Heart**

**By: gengen0776**

**Chapter 9**

When Dean and Sam left her to go get cleaned up and changed, Ronnie busied her self by clearing up the morning's mess. She put away the leftovers and prepared the blueberry muffins for transport. As she finished up, she heard the front door open and turned to see Riley approaching, a satisfied grin on his face.

"Riley…what are you doing here?" Ronnie asked, surprised to see him and in such a good mood.

"I came to give you a ride to the hospital, since that deadbeat ran away from his responsibilities again…Like I knew he would," Riley stated smugly, his grin growing so wide that Ronnie wondered if it might swallow his face whole.

"Actually he'—"

"It's okay…you don't have to make excuses for him," Riley cooed with mock compassion, clearly enjoying the thought that he was right.

"No, I'm not—"

"Look Ronnie, it's not your fault," Riley whispered, gently touching her cheek as he spoke. His tone compassionate, though the grin on his face never wavered. "I know what Jack made you do for his friends."

"Wha…what?"

"Come on, Ronnie…the whole town knows what kind of tune-ups you specialize in," he added with a wink. "It's a wonder no one knocked you up before this loser."

Ronnie stared at him in disbelief, longing to slap the grin off his face, unsure what was stopping her. Her cousin, this wasn't her cousin. Her cousin was sweet and caring. He'd been there to help her through everything since her grandfather died. The man who, with the help of his wife, had taught her all there was to know about taking care of a baby. Her cousin, who had defended her on more than one occasion when the inhabitants of their small town had looked down on her for being an unwed mother, was now standing there with a smug grin on his face, insulting her. "Why…why are you saying these things?" she asked, her voice cracking as the pain of his words sunk in. _How long has he thought this? _She wondered as her pain turned to anger. "You…you need to leave…now."

"Aww…Come on kiddo, if I can't tell you you're nothing but a whore then who can?"

"Call her that again and I'll bash your face in." Dean growled from the doorway. "And I believe the lady asked you to leave," he added, rushing to Ronnie's side. Ronnie smiled weakly at him, her eyes glistening with tears. She allowed Dean to wrap a protective arm around her waist as she pressed herself against him. This wasn't her cousin. He was sweet and kind and caring, not this cold man staring at her taking pleasure in her pain.

"Okay…I'm going," Riley sneered. "But when he runs off on you again…I'll be there for you cous'… I mean, what else is family for?" he added, turning to Ronnie before he left.

"Don't worry chuckles…I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere…not as long as Ronnie and Lulu need me."

"Sure like you've been here so far," Riley countered, turning back to face Dean.

"Listen you sonuvabitch, until yesterday I didn't even know I was a father…my Dad never told me…so back off…and get the hell out," Dean spat as Ronnie cringed, feeling Dean's anger rising within him.

"Right, you didn't know you were a father, but you were sending money for your daughter for two years straight until your accident last year."

"Think about it …the money stopped after my Dad died, doesn't that seem a little coincidental to you?"

"Yeah, well it was also after your accident when you needed to fix your beloved Impala…Maybe, you couldn't afford to send money anymore because you spent it all on that," Riley countered, clearly egging Dean on.

"Do you ACTUALLY think that I would put my GOD DAMN car before my DAUGHTER?" Dean growled between clenched teeth as he stepped away from Ronnie and moved towards Riley, his fists clenched at his sided. Ronnie gently touched his arm, stopping him from giving her cousin the pounding he deserved. He turned to see Ronnie's wavering form and hurried back to her side, barely registering Riley's response.

"Yeah…I guess I do," Riley replied with a sneer. "How else could you get around, to do what you do? You know…now that I think about it…you two freaks are really meant for each other."

"What…what are you talking about?" Ronnie asked her voice small as she felt the hatred pouring from her cousin as he looked at her the grin still in place, his eyes filled with contempt.

"What am I talking about? Oh, come on Ronnie…I'm talking about the fact that you're a freak, who can read minds or some shit like that…and that your friend here is a hunter of things that don't exist," Riley spat, watching with pleasure as Ronnie's knees buckled. "You know that this house…the garage…it was all supposed to be mine…but then you show up, a freak just like your mother, and Jack just decides that you deserve it more for some reason."

"Look…Riley…if you…if you want it…all of it…it's yours…I—" Ronnie stammered, struggling to breathe beneath the weight of Riley's hatred, Dean's anger and her own pain.

"Oh…how nice of you," he sneered. "You know, I still don't get what he thought was so great about you…why because you have the 'gift' like your mother? Yeah, I know she was a freak too…It must hurt to know that she didn't care enough about you…that having you didn't stop her from slitting her wrists..," Dean took a step toward Riley again, this time he'd gone too far. _There's only one way to protect Ronnie from this guy. _He thought, though he still hesitated to leave Ronnie's side. She looked as though she was at her breaking point.

"Okay, time to go," Sam's voice came from just beyond the kitchen doorway as he grabbed Riley by the shoulder and forcibly showed him the way out. "I got this bro," he assured Dean, who looked torn between decking Riley and helping Ronnie.

Dean turned his attention back to Ronnie who had all but collapsed, during her cousin's tirade. _Even I could feel that hatred. _Dean thought as he picked up her limp body and carried her to the living room. A_gain…seems like I'm always doing this…causing her pain. _"I got ya, Kiki don't worry," he whispered as he set her down on the couch. He stared at her still form for a long moment, watching the steady rise and fall of her chest. "Come on, Kiki, open those beautiful eyes of yours, would ya?" Dean whispered as he gently stroked her hair, worry growing in the pit of his stomach when she continued to lie there unresponsive.

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"It's okay…I…get…the…message," Riley grunted as he pried himself from Sam's grip, stepping out of the house as Dean carried Ronnie's unconscious body to the living room. "Look I…tell her I'm sorry," he added as he stepped out onto the porch.

"Right…I'll be sure to tell her you're sorry…if she isn't catatonic thanks to you," Sam replied sarcastically as he slammed the door in Riley's face. "What an asshole." He moved into the living room to find Dean, kneeling next to Ronnie's unconscious form, whispering to her, his hushed words had a frantic tone to them. Sam stood in the doorway, wanting to give Dean some privacy and unsure what to do.

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"Kiki…please open your eyes…come back to me…the way I came back to you…I need you—" His voice broke as tears began to spill down his cheeks. He collapsed beside her his head against her chest, unable to quell the emotions rising within him. He might lose Lulu, and if he didn't all he had was a year. He couldn't lose Ronnie too, he just couldn't. "Let me be your anchor," he sobbed, remembering the promise he'd made one night long ago, to always help her find her way back. The steady sound of her heart beat, offering him some reassurance..

"Dean, maybe we should get her to the hospital," Sam suggested, placing a comforting hand on his brother's shoulder. Sam's breath caught in his throat as Dean looked up at him, his eyes filled with more sorrow than Sam had ever seen. _Did he look that sad when I died? _He wondered silently as he gave his brother a reassuring smile. "She'll be fine…you'll see everything is gonna be fine." Dean looked disbelievingly at his brother as he stood up. He stared at Ronnie's still form for a long moment, before forcing himself to move into action.

"Okay Sammie, you get the car…I'll carry her out," Dean ordered in control again as he pushed aside his growing dread and concentrated on the task at hand. He waited until he heard the car pull up at the front door, before disturbing her unmoving form. He forced himself not to check her pulse as her head lulled against his shoulder when he picked her up. His breath hitched in his throat. "I'm sorry Kiki…I should have been here…you shouldn't have had to deal with this alone…please come back to me…I…I love you," he whispered as he got into the backseat of the car with her. He let Sam drive because he didn't want to leave Ronnie's side, afraid she might slip away from him at any moment. He closed his eyes his tears beginning to flow again as he made a silent prayer to whatever deity would listen. _Please God or whoever's up there let her wake up…Let her be all right. _

"You love me?" He heard Ronnie whisper. Dean's eyes snapped open at the sweet sound of her voice filled with uncertainty.

"Yeah…I…I do," Dean stammered, feeling his cheeks flush as he gave her a little grin. "Huh…you know, you're the only woman, other than my mom, that I've ever said those words to."

"I…I love you too…I just thought…"

"Would I still be wearing this, if I didn't care about you?" he asked, holding up his right hand to show her the ring she'd given him. "I never take it off."

"He really doesn't," Sam called from the front seat, watching them for a second in the rearview mirror. "You should have seen in the hospital when he woke up after the accident. They'd taken it off him in the ER. He freaked…I thought he was gonna deck the orderly when the guy told him he didn't know where it was," Sam offered with a grin, ignoring the look his brother was giving him. He remembered how Dean had been unwilling to explain why the ring was so important to him. At the time, Sam had simply chalked it up to that fact that their father had just died. Now he knew it was because Ronnie had given the ring to Dean.

Ronnie smiled up at Dean, her eyes filled with tears as she realized that he hadn't rushed back because of Lulu, he hadn't even known about her. He'd rushed back for her. _Because he loves me. _She thought her heart swelling in her chest as she grasped how much she meant to him. "I never take mine off either," she whispered, holding up her right hand to show the matching ring that adorned her finger. "They wanted me to take it off when I was having Lulu, but I pulled a fit…so they let me keep it. You don't want to piss off a pregnant woman who's a week overdue and has just been told that they're gonna do a cesarean, finally, after twenty-four hours of labor," Ronnie joked, sitting up next to Dean who kept a protective arm around her waist. She cringed at the pain in her head. Dean forced a smile as he eyed her wearily, wondering if she was really as all right as she was making it seem.

"I guess not." Sam chuckled from the front seat. They drove the rest of the way into town in silence each of them lost in their own thoughts.

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"We forgot the muffins," Ronnie stated flatly as they exited the elevator on Lulu's floor. "All that work…" she added, trying to distract herself from the fact that she was there to see her daughter. Since she'd received no phone call, she assumed Lulu's condition was the same. The fact that this meant that Lulu's condition was no worse, was less than reassuring to Ronnie at that moment. She was also apprehensive about Dean's reaction when he saw Lulu's tiny form lying there in that big bed. All the way to the hospital, Ronnie had been working on strengthening her wall. After Riley had pummeled it with his hatred and Dean's anger had taken it's toll as well, she feared it would fail her. She still couldn't understand what had come over her cousin to make him say such awful things. She tried to push it out of her mind as they approached the nurses' station.

"I was a little preoccupied with your unconsciousness," Dean commented with a lopsided grin.

"Good morning, Ms Taylor," the nurse greeted, glancing at Dean and Sam, who flanked either side of Ronnie. "And one of you must be little Marylou's father," she added, glancing back and forth from one man to the other.

"Yes, Estelle this is, her father, Dean Winchester and that's her uncle, Sam Winchester," Ronnie replied, motioning to each man as she introduced them. "So, any change?"

"They gave her a transfusion last night," Estelle began, pulling Lulu's chart from the pile. "Her vitals are up this morning and the doctor noted that if the improvement continues, she should be awake soon," she read from the chart.

"So she's gonna be okay?" Dean said, meaning for it to sound more like a statement than a question, but failing.

The nurse shrugged with a sad smile. "I hope so dear, we'll know more when the results from her last tests," she explained patiently, without taking Dean's gruff manner to heart.

"Well, can I see her?" Dean asked, after taking a moment to digest what the nurse had said.

"Of course," the nurse replied, nodding to Ronnie. "You can all go in and see her if you like," she added as she picked up a few charts and excused herself to check on some other patients. Ronnie led the way, slowly walking towards Lulu's room. She let Dean wrap his arm protectively around her waist, knowing he needed to feel like he was being strong for her. She quietly steeled herself to withstand the pain Dean was bound to feel when he saw Lulu lying in the hospital bed.

Dean paused at the door, taking a deep breath as he scrubbed his hand across is face. "May, maybe I should go in alone," he suggested worried what his reaction might do to Ronnie's already fragile wall.

"Are you sure?" Ronnie asked, trying not to take offense as Dean nodded eagerly. She knew he was doing it to protect her, but she couldn't help but feel like he was shutting her out. "Oh…okay…I'll just…go talk to Lulu's doctor," she stammered as she turned and headed back down the hall to the nurses station. She wanted to see if Lulu's doctor was in yet.

Dean watched her walk away, longing ask her not to go, to tell her that he needed her there with him to face this, but his pride and his need to protect her, stopped him. He turned to Sam, who was eying him cautiously. Dean knew his brother would be there if he needed support, he just couldn't ask for it, it just wasn't in him. "Shall we?" he asked and watched Sam's surprised reaction.

"I thought you'd want to go in alone…you know…meeting your daughter for the first time…it's kind of a private moment."

"Uh…yeah…you're probably right," Dean mumbled under his breath, a little disappointed that Sam would choose this moment to stop mother-henning him.

"Look you go on in…I'll wait out here for ya," Sam offered as he sat on the bench outside Lulu's room and watched Dean hesitantly grip the doorknob. _Maybe I should go in with him. _Sam thought worried that this would be too much for his brother to deal with. _Especially after everything else he's had to deal with this past year… _He thought, remembering how broken Dean had been after his father's death, how bad it must have been for Dean when he'd died. _So bad, it pushed him to sell his soul for me…and now I'm sitting here instead of standing by him…Way to go Sammy. _Sam thought self-deprecatingly as Dean slowly slipped into Lulu's room.

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Dean quietly closed the door behind him as he entered Lulu's room, allowing his eyes a few seconds to adjust to the dimly lit room. The small light over Lulu's bed and the sunlight, peeking through the edge of the window blinds, provided the only illumination. He surveyed the room, trying to put off the inevitable moment when he'd see his daughter, lying in her hospital bed.

He noted the stuffed animals and balloons, adorning the small dresser that sat on the wall opposite her bed. He also noticed the stickers and drawings of Winnie the Pooh, Mickey mouse pasted on blue and green wall painted to look like the sky and the grass with a few trees thrown in for good measure.

Finally, with no where else to look, his eyes came to rest on the sleeping form of his daughter. His breath caught in his throat and he leaned heavily against the door behind him as he realized just how small Lulu was, lying there, alone, in the hospital bed. He quietly watched the rise and fall of her little chest, allowing the steady rhythmic sound of her breathing to calm him. He took a tentative step toward the bed afraid to scare her with his presence.

Standing beside her sleeping form, he studied her in the dim light. _She's beautiful…just like her pictures. _He thought. Her hair was longer than in the photos, hanging in curly blond tendrils around her face. He smiled as he noted the button nose and round cheeks, the soft rounded features of a baby, beginning to give way to those of a little girl. _This is better than any photo. _He thought as he stared down at the angelic face of the daughter he'd just found.

"Hi Lulu…I'm your…I'm your Dad," he whispered, his voice cracking as he fought back the emotions rising within him. _I've gotta be strong. _He reminded himself, knowing if he broke he would be no help to Lulu or Ronnie at all. "You know…you're beautiful…just like your Mom," he breathed, gently pushing away a stray curl from her eyes, eyes he wished would open and look up at him with recognition. _What if she wakes up and gets scared because she doesn't know me? _He worried. _She's seen my picture. _He reasoned as he continued to will her to wake up. "I'm just gonna sit here with you a little while." He pulled up a chair and dropped unceremoniously into it.

He sat for a long moment, simply watching the steady rise and fall of her small chest. He then returned to studying her little face, noticing a smatter of freckles on the ridge of her nose and across her pale cheeks that he hadn't noticed in her pictures. _If there is such a thing as angel…this is what they look like. _He thought as he gazed down at her serene face immediately, chastising him self for sounding so corny.

He tried not to let the paleness of her cheeks and the dark circles beneath her eyes, coupled with the fact that she was so much smaller than he'd expected, worry him. _It's the bed…that's what makes her seem so much smaller. _His mind reasoned. _Even Sammy looks small in a hospital bed…and he's a yeti. _He thought, quickly pushing the image of Sam lying lifeless on a dirty mattress from his mind. _That's over and done with…Sammy's okay and Lulu will be too. _

"I can't wait for you to wake up…so I can really meet you," Dean said as he reached out and laid his hand on Lulu's. It felt warm and small beneath his large calloused hand. "You're gonna have to help me with this Dad thing…see your grandfather wasn't exactly the best role model for that stuff," he mumbled as he struggled with worry he felt about Lulu and the sadness that continued to plague him, over almost losing Sam. _Please God…I know I'm not exactly your favorite person right now…ya know making a deal with a demon and all…but Lulu…she's a good kid and Ronnie's a good woman…she's already lost so many people in her life…and soon she'll lose me too…Please help Lulu get better…for Ronnie._

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Please let me know what you think! I LIVE for reviews, they are really what keeps me going. So please drop me a line!


	10. Chapter 10

**Painted on My Heart**

**By: gengen0776**

_Thanks tp everyone who has taken the time to read and review!It really is awesome to hear what you think, so please keep'em comin! _

**Chapter 10**

"Acute lymphocytic leukemia…symptoms come on quickly…couldn't have foreseen it…can't blame yourself,"the doctor's words still rang in Ronnie's ears as she walked numbly back to Lulu's room. She needed to prepare herself, to figure out how she was going to tell Dean. This was serious, even life threatening. _How do I tell him he may lose the daughter he's just found? _She wondered as she spotted Sam, sitting outside Lulu's door. She gave him a weak smile as he quickly stood up and hurried to her side.

"Ronnie…hey…What'd the doctor say? Is it bad…I mean serious?" Sam rapid fired nervously as he reached her side.

"I…he…uh,"Ronnie stammered as she staggered back, feeling as though Sam's worry and nervousness were a brick wall that she'd just walk into it at full speed.

Sam seemed to notice her discomfort and hesitated, between stepping back to distance his emotions from her and the overwhelming need to offer her a strong arm to support her as she began to sway. "Sorry…I,"he apologized as he moved in and helped her to the seat he'd vacated."Dean's a lot better at keeping his emotions in check,"he added with a wan smiled.

Ronnie returned his smile with one of her own as she reached up and patted his arm reassuringly."Dean's still in there?"she whispered, nodding towards Lulu's door.

"Yeah…I stayed out here…wanted to give him some time alone with her,"Sam replied, watching as a sad smile formed on Ronnie's lips. Her eyes glistened with tears as she took a shaky breath to calm herself. "How bad is it?"he asked softly, falling into the seat next to her.

"It's…it's pretty bad…the doctor—"

"Wait,"Sam interrupted as he jumped up from his chair."Maybe I should get Dean…you know…so you don't have to explain it twice."He quickly moved across the hall. _He's her father, he should hear this before me… _

Ronnie watched silently as Sam slipped into the room. She was unsure if she was ready to deliver the news to Dean and to face what it would do to him.

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Dean was slumped in the chair next to Lulu's bed, his hand on hers. He didn't' seem to notice Sam's attempt at a stealthy entrance. Sam hesitated momentarily worried he was interrupt a father-daughter moment between Dean and Lulu. Then, as he took a step forward, he realized why Dean hadn't noticed his entrance, he'd fallen asleep. _He looks peaceful…almost content… _He thought as he took in the scene before him. He knew that though Dean often guffawed at all things normal, this was a part of normal that made him fight. Having a family, a daughter, a wife, these were things that Sam was sure Dean secretly longed for. To have at least a part of the 'normal' life the yellow-eyed demon and their father's need for revenge had cost them. But now the yellow-eyed demon was dead and, though the fight against evil was far from over, there was nothing Sam wanted more for Dean than a normal happy life. And here it was all ready for him to start living. _If all he's got is a year left…shouldn't he be allowed to spend it with her? _Sam wondered as he moved to the opposite side of Lulu's bed. _Hasn't he done enough? Hasn't he paid enough? Doesn't she deserve a chance to know him? _His eyes filled with tears as he stared down at her beautiful little face framed by a halo of blond hair. He gently touched her cheek, her skin soft and warm beneath his rough fingers.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered softly as he bent to kiss her forehead. He stood there a long moment, gazing down at her sleeping form, taking in the details of his niece's face. The paleness of her skin and the dark circles beneath her eyes were the only things that betrayed the fact that she was anything but a healthy almost-three-year-old. Sam smiled, his eyes glistening with tears as he noted the freckles littered across her cheeks and the bridge of her nose. _Just like Dean. _He thought, knowing his brother would deny ever having freckles. _Because no bad-assed hunter, like Dean Winchester, could have something as girly as freckles. _Sam thought with an inner chuckle, knowing that if he looked closely enough he could still see the freckles on Dean's face that were camouflaged by his now-tanned skin."I'm gonna find a way to save your Daddy,"he promised as he leaned in, tenderly kissing her forehead again."I promise." He sighed as he stood back up and prepared himself for the task of disturbing Dean.

"Isn't she beautiful?"Dean whispered, his eyes filled with pride as he gazed down at Lulu's angelic face.Sam nodded, wondering when Dean had woken up."Heard you come in…but I thought I'd leave you two a moment alone,"Dean offered with a shrug as he sat up a little straighter in his seat."So, what's going on, little brother? Is Ronnie back? Does she have news?"He noticed Sam was fidgeting as he looked from Lulu to Dean and back to Lulu.

"Yeah…she's outside, waiting for me to get you,"Sam replied, still avoiding Dean's gaze.

"Okay, Sammy…I'll be right out."Dean watched his brother head for the door, before turning his attention back to his unconscious daughter."Don't worry I won't be far…I'm not leaving until I know you and your mom are alright," he vowed as he stood up slowly and moved quietly to the door. His hand trailed on Lulu's not wanting to let go, until finally he had to. As he passed the dresser full of stuffed animals a small brown bunny caught his eye. _Why does this look so familiar? _He wondered as he picked it up and laid it in the bed near Lulu. "I'll be right back Lulu I promise,"he whispered as he slipped out the door.

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Riley stepped out of the elevator and glanced around the children's ward, looking for Ronnie. He needed to apologize for what he'd said earlier, he needed to explain. _**Explain what? That a voice in your head and that sometimes it feels like you're not in control of your body?**_ The voice asked sarcastically. _**They'll just think your crazy…they'll lock you up…Is that what you want? **__No not Ronnie…she'll understand. _Riley thought, shaking his head as he tried to silence the voice again. _**Who cares about her she's nothing but a tramp…and a freak…she can't help you…no one can… **_The voice tauntedas Riley shook his head more vigorously. _I need to talk to her…she'll understand…she can help me she keeps the voices out, she knows how… _Riley thought as he spotted her, sitting outside Lulu's room. A wave of relief washing over him as he quickly moved toward her but stopped short. He saw Sam come out of Lulu's room followed by Dean. _**Besides she's still with Winchester…do you think he'll understand? He seems more like a ask questions later kinda guy… **_Riley hated to admit it but he knew the voice was right. Dean would not want to hear about, or believe that a voice in his head made him do it. So he held back, waiting for an opportunity to apologize to Ronnie.

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Ronnie looked up as Sam emerged from the room with Dean, following closely behind. She forced a smile as Dean's eyes met hers. She knew he was trying to read her, to anticipate the news she had and could feel his inner struggle to be strong. She cast her eyes away and took a deep breath, preparing herself for the task at hand as Dean squatted in front of her and tried to meet her gaze again.

"What's goin' on darlin'?" he asked softly, giving her a reassuring smile. "Whatever it is…we'll deal with it together,"he assured when she hesitated, gently cupping her chin in his hands.

"It's…the doctor said she has…acute lymphocytic leukemia,"

"Leukemia," Dean repeated, struggling to keep his emotions in check, to be strong for her."Is that…is that bad? I mean…leukemia is curable, isn't it?"He searched Ronnie's face for a flicker of hope.

"The doctor said…it's the most common form of leukemia in kids Lulu's age…and that it's the most successfully treated."

"And it's curable with a bone marrow transplant,"Sam interjected.

"If they find a match," Ronnie murmured, looking up at Sam, meeting his gaze she gave a sad smile."I'm not a match…I can't save her."She sighed dejectedly, casting her gaze back down and refusing to meet either brother's gaze.

"But one of us might be…right?" Dean was bolstered by the possibility that everything was going to be all right. He watched as Ronnie nodded slowly, without meeting his gaze. Again, he gently cupped her chin and tilted her face up at his, forcing her eyes to meet his, to see the hope within them."We're gonna find a match Kiki…we're gonna get through this. I'm gonna stay right here with you until she's better. I'm not gonna leave your side again, not until I know you and Lulu are okay,"he repeated his earlier vow to Lulu, his voice strong and filled with a conviction that was reflected in his green eyes.

Ronnie nodded, smiling a true smile. She felt that things just might be all right after all. She could feel Dean's strength and resolve. It filled and strengthened her. As much as his pain had hurt her, his strength was healing her.She realized, suddenly, why she'd always felt so safe with Dean and why she always felt like everything would be okay whenever he was around.It was the confidence and strength he exuded the sheer resolve that he wouldn't let anything happen to those he loved.

"Now, Sam and I are gonna find us a nurse to test us and see if we're a match,"Dean stated resolutely, standing as he trained his fingers across her lips."I'm gonna do whatever it takes to save Lulu…you have my word Kiki she is gonna be fine,"he added, leaning in and gently kissing her forehead. He gazed at her for a long moment, before pulling away. Her eyes were closed, her face calm as the color began to return to her cheeks. He smiled as he and Sam walked towards the nurses' station.

Ronnie kept her eyes closed; knowing Dean was still watching her as she continued to bask in his strength, allowing it to strengthen her.Dean was nothing if not a man of his word and if he promised that Lulu was going to be fine, she had to believe it. What other choice did she have?

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Riley watched the scene unfold outside Lulu's room. Seeing the care and concern, Dean showed Ronnie. He also noted the strength Dean offered her, seeing how it strengthened her. _Maybe he really does love her. _He thought, cringing as the voice in his head laughed cruelly. He ducked out of sight as the brothers walked past him to the nurses' station, listening as Dean asked where they needed to go to be tested for a bone marrow transplant. As the nurse turned to look up the forms to be filled out Riley watched Sam turn nervously to Dean.

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"Dean, you've gotta tell her,"Sam whispered under his breath a pained look on his face.

"I will Sammy…when Lulu is better…I will…"

"What if you don't have that long? What if she's not better before…before your time is up?"Sam insisted, his voice rising with his mounting exasperation.

Dean's hand flew up in a 'keep it down' motion as he looked around to see that no one had overheard."Look Sammy, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it,"Dean hissed as he stared down the hall at Ronnie, pasting a smile and waving to her as he prayed she didn't pick up on what they were talking about.

"Maybe you could take it back…or I could make a deal to save you,"Sam suggested, knowing full well Dean would never let Sam sacrifice himself for him. _But if it was for Lulu and Ronnie…if it meant they could be happy and he could have a normal life with them… _

"Don't you EVER say that, don't EVEN think it!" Dean growled."I told you Sammy, even if I had known about Lulu…there's no way I was gonna let you die! Besides, if Dad hadn't made that deal for me, I wouldn't even be here now…So, I get a year with them an' I'm gonna make DAMN sure they're safe and happy before my number comes up!"

"Okay man, I just thought if it was for them…and their happiness…that maybe…you'd consider it,"Sam sighed, raising his hands in surrender.

"Well, it doesn't change anything,"Dean muttered under his breath as the nurse returned with the forms, eying them.

"Fill these out and go down to the second floor…Room 211,"she explained as both men nodded their understanding. They gave her a forced smile, before heading towards the elevator.

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Riley watched as the brothers headed to the elevator. He wondered what their heated looking conversation had been about. He'd watched Dean force a smile at Ronnie down the hall, as though hoping not to worry her. _Maybe they have news about Lulu. _He thought as he watched the elevator doors slide closed before he moved from the shadows.

"Mr. Taylor…hello…" He heard a familiar voice call from the nurses' station. He turned to see Estelle greeting him. "Did you hear the news?"she asked, pausing momentarily for effect, since she knew he hadn't."They know what's wrong with our little Lulu,"she added, watching as Riley approached the counter, a fish on her hook.

"What is it?"he asked, unsure he really should be hearing it from her.

"It's leukemia…Her father and uncle just went down to get their blood tested,"she explained. "So, I'm sure you'll want to be tested, too,"she added, handing him a form before he had a chance to respond.

"Thank you,"he mumbled, glancing down the hall. He saw Ronnie, standing at Lulu's door about to go inside. He hurried toward her, trying to catch her before she went in."Ronnie wait!"he called as he approached, watching Ronnie's face change as she looked up at him in disbelief. "Please,"he added, coming to a stop a couple of feet from where she stood.

"Why? So you can insult me some more?" She asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm."Cause that would be great…but I really don't have time."

"No, I…I,"Riley stammered, fidgeting uncomfortably, unable to meet his angry cousin's eyes. _**Still think she'll help you…or even listen? **_The voice taunted, causing Riley to grunt in pain, clutching his head as it began to cackle maniacally.

"Riley?"Ronnie whispered, her anger quickly turning to concern.She took a hesitant step toward her cousin as his hand shot out to the wall beside him for support.He continued to grunt as he held his head with his free hand."Riley, are you all right?"she asked, worry creasing her brow as she gently tilted his face up to look at her.She gasped at the pain and fear she saw in his eyes.

"Ronnie…please…I'm…I'm sorry,"he managed through clenched teeth. The voice in his head continued to laugh louder and louder until he could barely hear himself think."Stop…please…stop,"he begged, not realizing he'd spoken the words as he clenched his eyes tightly shut, trying in vane to quiet the cruel voice.The hand that held his head flew out, grabbing Ronnie's arm for support as he felt his knees threaten to buckle beneath him.

"I've got you, Riley…it's okay,"Ronnie cooed, ignoring the pain in her arm as he gripped it tightly like she were his only lifeline.

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"Dude, that nurse was checking you out,"Dean whispered conspiratorially as they exited the elevator on Lulu's floor. Dean turned to see the nurse was still checking them both out.

"Come on Dean…cut it out,"Sam sighed, not in the mood. He knew his brother was happy, because though it wasn't a supernatural problem that was afflicting Lulu, he wasn't powerless. There was something he could do to help.Sam was happy about it, too. _Things could have been much worse. _He thought, noting that Lulu hadn't inherited the Winchester bad luck gene. _Although, Ronnie's not exactly the luckiest person either…maybe the two cancel each other out. _Unfortunately, even with the relatively good news about Lulu, Sam couldn't help but worry about what would happen when Dean finally told Ronnie about the deal he'd made. _She's gonna hate me for taking him away from her again._ He thought sadly as he imagined the pained look in her eyes. _And when Lulu's old enough to understand…she'll hate me too. _

"I'm serious Sammy, she was checking out your nice tight ass,"Dean insisted, turning back to his brother as he spoke. "She's hot dude, you should ask her—"Dean stopped short as he saw the look on Sam's face. He understood immediately what his little brother was thinking."Damn it, Sammy, do we have to do this again?"he sighed impatiently."I mean come on man."

"Dean."

"I don't know how many different ways I can say it—"

"Dean."

"It was my decision to make…mine—"

"Dean."

"Dude what?"Dean asked, annoyed that Sam was insisting on interrupting his rant.Sam simply threw up is long arm, pointing down the hall without saying a word.Dean turned to look in the direction his brother had gestured. His eyes grew wide when he saw the pained look on Ronnie's face as Riley grabbed her arm."Sonuvabitch,"he muttered as he walked hurriedly down the hall, pushing a couple of people out of his way as he went.

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Ronnie watched her cousin, crumbling before her, feeling his pain and fear bearing down on her."I've got you Riley…it's okay,"she whispered, wincing slightly as he tightly gripped her arm."Come on let's sit down."She led him to the seats across from Lulu's room.

"Ronnie…I…I'm so sorry…those things I said,"Riley murmured, looking down at his hand that still gripped Ronnie's arm. "Sorry,"he added, without looking into her eyes as he let go of her arm.

"It's okay,"Ronnie whispered as she smoothed his hair away from his eyes.She gave him a sad smile before she continued.

"Like hell it is!"She heard Dean growl as he stepped next to Riley and forced him to stand."What the hell are you doin' here?"he demanded, holding Riley by the collar as he tried to keep himself from pummeling the guy._That's all I need…to get kicked out of the hospital… _

"Dean…stop,"Ronnie pleaded as she attempted to pry him from her cousin. She knew he was trying to protect her and she appreciated it, but she needed to figure out what was wrong with Riley._I still can't believe he said those things to me…and I'm not sure what just happened now, but the fear felt as real to me as the hatred this morning…I have to find out what's going on… _"Let him go Dean…please."

Dean turned to look at her, disbelief etching his features. "Tell me, you're not defending this guy?"

"Please, Dean, I just need to talk to him a minute."

"Okay…go ahead,"Dean replied, without letting go of Riley.Ronnie sighed, rolling her eyes as she threw up her hands.

"Why don't you check on Lulu?"she suggested, laying her hand on Dean's arm as she spoke, waiting for him to meet her gaze before she continued."She'll be afraid if she wakes up alone,"she added, hating how low she was sinking by using her daughter to get Dean to do what she wanted."Please."

Dean stared at her, pain flickering in his eyes as he let Riley go."Fine,"He replied, before turning his attention back to Riley."But if you hurt her again—"

"C'mon Dean,"Sam said, leading his brother across the hall. He waited until Dean had entered the room, before turning back to Ronnie."We'll be right here, if you need us…right here,"he stated, ticking his gaze from Ronnie to Riley.

"It's okay Sam…We'll be fine,"Ronnie assured as she watched him enter the room and quietly close the door behind him. "Riley what's going on?"she asked turning back to her cousin.

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Sam nearly walked into his brother as he entered. Dean stood stalk still, staring at Lulu's sleeping form."Dean what's wrong?"Sam whispered as he moved to his brother's side.

"She's just so little,"Dean whispered his voice thick with emotion as he turned to his brother.The pain in Dean's eyes was palpable."Sam this has to work…one of us has to be a match."

"It'll work, Dean. They'll find a match and she'll be fine…you said it yourself…and I won't let her die Dean. You've lost enough."Sam squeezed his brother's shoulder reassuringly. Dean nodded, breaking away from his brother and taking a seat next to Lulu's bed to continue his vigil. Sam took a seat in a chair next to the dresser at the foot of her bed.

Dean sat silently, watching Lulu sleep, reassured as he had been earlier by the strong rhythm of her steady breathing.He watched as a frown creased her brow and she began to mumble softly in her sleep._That has to be a good sign. _Dean thought as he cast a look Sam's way. He noted his brother's arched brow as he studied Lulu from afar. He'd obviously heard it too.

"Mommee,"Lulu whispered as her eyes slid open, her gaze falling on Dean.Dean's head swiveled back to her, his breath catching in his throat as he looked into her eyes._She does have my eyes. _He thought as he gave her a reassuring smile. He was still worried that she might be scared to find him there."Yer Daddee," she whispered with a grin so big Dean couldn't help but smile as he nodded."Like da piture,"she added, looking over at where her night table would have been in her bedroom. "Where's piture?"she asked her small face filled with confusion."Where's Mommee?"Her voice was beginning to sound panicked as she looked around the dark room.

"It's okay honey…uncle Sammy is gonna go get your mom,"Dean replied, with a reassuring smile."I've been so anxious to see those beautiful eyes of yours,"he added as Sam slipped out of the room to get Ronnie.

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Riley hesitated, not sure if he should tell his cousin about the voice._**Don't tell her…she won't believe you…she'll just think you're crazy… **_the voice sing-songed in his mind._No…Ronnie WILL believe me…she'll help me get rid of you! _"It's…I…I don't know what's wrong with me…Since I got back from Iraq…Sometimes there's this voice…and I feel like…like I'm not in control…like I'm watching myself do or say things…things like this morning."

"What voice Riley?"she asked softly with a frown as she reassuringly touched his arm."Is it always the same voice? What does it say?"She asked, trying to understand if he had the same 'gift' as she did. _It's always been the women in our family…but maybe… _

"It's always the same voice…it says the most awful things and it makes me say them too…it's—" Riley began to explain as Lulu's door flew open and Sam emerged looking agitated.

"Ronnie…Lulu's awake…she's asking for you."

"I…I should go,"Riley stated as he turned to leave.

"Riley…wait—"

"We'll talk later…I promise,"he called as he moved quickly down the hall."I'm gonna go get tested,"he added as he disappeared around the corner, heading toward the elevator the voice in his head laughing uncontrollably, once again, at his failure to tell his cousin about it.

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Please, please, please take a second to let me know what you think! I live and breath reviews...so please keep me going!


	11. Chapter 11

**_Painted on my Heart_**

**_by: gengen0776_**

Sorry for the insanely long delay...I have no excuse really...so I won't make one up...I just hope you still want to read this...And know that it is done now so I will be posting every few days or so...if you're all still interested in reading.../

**Chapter 11**

It was late afternoon when Ronnie had a spare moment to think about Riley and what he'd told her. Most of her morning had been spent alternating between convincing the doctor to release Lulu and trying to distract her daughter from her new mantra of "I wan go home". The doctor had agreed to discharge Lulu only if there was an improvement in her overall vitals and if the tests they'd run that morning showed that her white blood cell count had lowered. Unfortunately, there was no real way of explaining this to the almost three year old in a way she could understand; so Lulu's mantra became "I better…wan go home."

To their credit, Dean and Sam remained calm and helpful in distracting Lulu with stories, and by coloring and watching cartoons with her. Ronnie felt a patience within them both that she never would have attributed to a hunter; especially a shoot-first-ask-questions-later-Winchester. This patience, combined with the love and happiness she felt from both men, helped to calm her when she was sure Lulu would make her crazy.

Now, as she sat watching Dean try to convince a giggling Lulu that her uncle Sam still couldn't color inside the lines and that dogs could be blue if he wanted them to be; Ronnie took a moment to ponder what Riley had said. _A voice in his head? Not in control…like he's watching himself doing and saying things? _She wondered. Could it be like her? Could he have the family curse? _But he only hears one voice… _Ronnie thought, knowing it was highly unlikely that the 'gift' would suddenly be passed down to a male family member after so many generations of only female 'recipients'. _We would definitely have heard about it if that had happened before. _She reasoned. _Then what? Post traumatic stress…multiple personality disorder…schizophrenia? _She wondered thinking PTS seemed like the most likely after what he'd been through in Iraq. _He did say it started when he got back from Iraq. _

"Kiki?" Dean's soft whisper pulled her from her thoughts as he crouched in front of her, his rough hand delicately touching her arm. His brow furrowed and his face etched with worryas he watched her with his intense green eyes until he was satisfied that her own blue-green ones were focused on him. "You okay?"

"Yeah, just thinking." Ronnie assured with a smile as she gently cupped his chin with one hand as she smoothed his worry creased brow with the other.

Dean closed his eyes as she lovingly caressed his face the way his mother had when she'd tried to convince him to stay in the wish world the Djinn had created for him. He could see her sad eyes pleading with him not to leave. _I'm sorry Mom…but look what I would have left behind. _He thought hoping his _real_ mother was smiling down on him. _We could really use those angels of yours right now Mom. Lulu and Kiki need some watching over and I'm not gonna be around forever…or anyplace where I can watch over them after that. _He forced himself back to the moment refusing to waste them on pitying himself or his situation; back to Ronnie's tender touch on his cheek as she wiped away a tear that had slid past all his defenses. "What were you thinking about?" He asked his voice a hoarse whisper.

"It's nothing…" She replied evasively.

"Ummhmm," He replied arching his eyebrow and giving her a disbelieving grin without opening his eyes. "Come on Kiki…What's going on in that beautiful head of yours?" He whispered as he opened his eyes and they met hers searching them for some clue that she already knew his secret.

"It's just…" Ronnie began hesitantly as Dean set his intense gaze upon her again; there was no way she could lie to his face about this but she knew his reaction wouldn't be pretty when she told him she was worried about her cousin. She knew things to Dean were good or evil, black or white there was no gray area. She also knew he didn't forgive easily when someone hurt the people closest to him. She knew there was no use putting off the inevitable; Dean wasn't going to take nothing for an answer. So, she closed her eyes and steeled herself for his reaction as she spoke. "It's just something Riley said." She felt Dean tense at the mention of her cousin's name; she could also feel him struggling to keep his anger in check.

"Forget what that sonuvabitch said." Dean growled between clenched teeth. "He had no right to say those things to you." He added as he caressed her cheek with his calloused hand again.

"It's not that." She breathed feeling herself melt as he touched her. She'd longed for the comfort of his touch so much since he'd been gone and wished the circumstances that had brought him back to her different. "Out in the hall before I could feel his fear."

"Yeah…he was afraid I was gonna kick his ass." Dean commented as Ronnie shook her head vigorously as she opened her eyes again and they met his pleading with him to just listen.

"It's not that…he said there's this voice in his head…"

"What voice?" Sam asked from behind them causing them both to jump. They'd been so occupied with their conversation they hadn't noticed his approach. Simultaneously, Ronnie and Dean looked past Sam to see Lulu sleeping. "She fell asleep finally. So, I thought I'd see what you guys were talking about…" Sam explained smiling sheepishly as they both looked back at him. "If I'm interrupting…"

"I was telling Dean that Riley told me he's been hearing this voice since he returned from Iraq…"

"Do you think he's hearing someone's thoughts?" Sam asked.

"You mean like me?" Ronnie asked. Sam simply nodded. "No, he's only hearing one voice." She explained. "He says sometimes it's like he's not in control…that it's like he's watching himself say and do things." She watched the look that passed between the two brothers as they tried to cover their obvious uneasiness at her revelation.

_…like he's not in control…watching himself say and do things…_ Ronnie's words echoed loudly in Sam's head as Dean gave him a look he automatically understood; Dean knew what he was thinking and didn't want Ronnie to know.

_I know what it's like. _Sam thought as he remembered how helpless he'd felt as he'd watched himself shoot Dean and when he'd killed Steve Wandell. _But I knew what was happening…I knew it was a demon inside me…Riley probably doesn't…so he probably thinks he's going crazy. _Sam thought as Ronnie looked from Dean to him. Knowing she might pick up on the pain and guilt he still felt after his own experience; he forced her a nervous smile and cleared it from his mind.

"Okay, so are you guys gonna tell me what's going through those heads of yours…or do I need to take drastic measures?" Ronnie asked after a long moment of watching the unspoken interaction between the brothers and waiting patiently as both brothers became lost in their respective thoughts. Her threat worked to capture their attention as they scrambled to find a plausible lie. "Come on guys spit it out!" She added frustratedly as her patience wore thin. She knew they were trying to protect her from something and though she appreciated it on some level. _Deep…deep…deep down. _She was also thoroughly annoyed by it on a much more immediate level.

"Look Kiki…" Dean began carefully weighing his words. "It could be a lot of things…it could be post-traumatic stress…" Dean offered trying to sound convinced.

"Or?" Ronnie prodded knowing they had another theory, one he actually believed was and it wasn't PTS.

"Or…" Dean began hesitantly looking to Sam for some back up when a knock sounded at the door just before the doctor entered and Dean held back a sigh of relief. _Saved by the bell…or the knock I guess. _

"Sorry…am I interrupting?" The doctor asked turning to leave.

"No!" Dean almost shouted, cringing as he looked over at Lulu's peacefully sleeping form. "Do you have news? Can we take her home?"

"Well, her vitals and her tests show some improvement…" The doctor began.

"But?" Dean interjected impatiently. _Is this guy gonna quit pussy-footing around and get to the point. _He thought as he gave the doctor a 'get to the point' look.

"But…but we'd like to keep her one or two more nights." He began a little flustered by Dean's impatience. "We want to make sure these improvements stick. It would be much worse for Lulu to go home thinking she's all better only have to return very quickly. By Friday we will have the necessary data to better assess the development of her leukemia and how best to treat it…we also should have your test results back to know if a transplant is an immediate option." As if on cue, and before they could say anything, the doctor's pager went off. "I'm sorry I have to go it's the ER…" He apologized as he looked up from the pager. "I'll be back to check on her before I head off for the day." Ronnie, Dean and Sam watched the doctor leave in stunned silence as the doctor left as quickly and unexpectedly as he'd come and sat staring at the door for a long moment.

_NO…PLEASE…YOU HAVE TO HELP HIM…THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING…_ A voice screamed in Ronnie's head suddenly and she bolted out of her chair wanting to run from the voice but not knowing where it was coming from. She could feel the pain and anger within the person whose thoughts she'd picked up. _Bad idea…_ She thought as she felt herself falling to the ground, her legs giving away beneath her. She was caught by Dean's strong protective arms before she hit the ground.

"Kiki!" Dean cried as he caught her and eased her the rest of the way to the ground before sitting next to her and laying her head on his lap. "What is it? What's wrong?" He whispered frantically smoothing back the hair from her face. _This is becoming a habit. _He thought as he looked down at her pale face. "Sammy get some water." He commanded as Ronnie's eyes fluttered open.

"Dean?" Ronnie moaned as she struggled to focus on his worried green eyes. "What's wrong?"

"Are you kidding me?" Dean asked his worry giving way to exasperation. "You collapsed again…it must be some kind of record."

"Maybe we should check with Guinness." Ronnie whispered forcing a weak smile as she slowly sat up feeling the room begin to spin as her head swam.

"Kiki, this isn't funny…" Dean insisted. "You've collapsed more often in the past two days that in the whole month I was here last time…It can't be good for you." He added the worry returning to his green eyes as he watched her hold her head in her hands.

"I just…just caught some…stray thoughts." Ronnie protested without conviction as she willed the room to stop spinning.

"Well those stray thoughts knocked you on your ass." Sam remarked as he returned with a glass of water and handed it to her. "Here it's from the cooler at the nurses' station…nice and cold." As Ronnie slowly sipped the water Sam continued. "Look it's almost dinner time…why don't you and Dean head home for something to eat and a little rest…I mean with all the stress you've been under today…." He suggested as Ronnie swallowed shaking her head vigorously as she replied.

"I…I can't…Lulu might wake up…"

"And I'll be here…" Sam countered.

"But…"

"But nothing…Dean's gonna take you home and cook you a nice dinner…you're both gonna relax…you're gonna meditate and Dean's gonna come back here to take over at around eight…and I'll bring you back in the morning." Sam ordered in the famous John Winchester tone that made it clear that it wasn't optional.

Ronnie stared at the younger Winchester in disbelief. Up until that moment Sam had been quiet and mild-mannered which had lead Ronnie to believe that he must be more like his mother; yet after this outburst it was quite clear that he too was John Winchester's son. _And if there's something I've learnt…it's that there's no arguing with a Winchester once his mind's made up. _With an exaggerated sigh Dean helped Ronnie to her feet as he looked his brother's way.

"C'mon." Dean whispered as he laced his arm around her waist as he turned to his brother. "Are you sure Sammy?" He asked and was replied by Sam's exasperated sigh as he rolled his eyes.

"Go." He ordered pointing toward the door. "I will call you if there's anything…Now please go have some time alone together." He added as he ushered them out the door.

Riley sat in his car at the far end of the hospital parking lot. He'd been there since that morning, waiting. The voice in his head had made it clear that this was where he had to be when Riley had longingly considered going home to his wife and kids. _**We could…but then I'd have to make you watch while I gutted them all…or we could stay here and wait for your cousin to leave the hospital…**_ The voice had threatened though it could easily have force Riley to stay it was much more fun to taunt and threaten him…the fear was just delicious.

_What if she stays the night?_ Riley had asked after hours of sitting there watching and waiting. _**We wait…**_ _Why? _**_Because I have plans for your pretty little cousin…_**The voice sneered. _**And there she is…**_ The voice announced as Ronnie came into view looking tired and weak followed closely by Dean. _**Damn Winchester…**_

Riley watched as Ronnie gave Dean the keys to her car smiling feebly as she got into the passenger's seat. Dean slid into the driver's seat and proceeded to adjust everything from the mirrors to the seat. He looked over at Ronnie who sat with her head back against the headrest and her eyes closed before starting the car and pulling slowly out of the parking lot.

Riley felt himself grin as he saw how weak Ronnie looked; he wished he could stop himself but it was like it had been that morning he wasn't in control he was simply watching as his body followed someone or something else's commands. _**Follow them. **_The voice commanded and Riley hesitated dreading what it had in store for Ronnie. _**Or we could go visit your wife and kids…**_ Riley quickly started the car and moved to follow. _**Not too close…we know where they're going…wouldn't want to ruin the surprise...**_

**_End notes:_**

Again let me just apologize for the delay in updating! I do promise to update every couple of days now as this story is officially finished...but only if you are still into it...so please let me know! Drop me a review! even if it's just to say how annoyed you were that I took so long to update! Thanks


	12. Chapter 12

**_Painted on my Heart_**

**_by: gengen0776_**

ok so here is the next chapter...I had many good comments about this one on the other site where it is posted...I hope you enjoy it as much here!

**Warning: this chapter contains sexual content.**

**Chapter 12**

As they pulled up to the house, Dean stole a glance at Ronnie who'd fallen asleep in the passenger's seat

As they pulled up to the house, Dean stole a glance at Ronnie who'd fallen asleep in the passenger's seat. He smiled, noticing how calm she looked as she slept, the worry and pain all but erased from her beautiful face. After pulling the car into the driveway and easing it into park, he took a moment to admire the mother of his child. _My child…I'm a Dad…_ Part of him still couldn't believe it. He wondered how long it would take to fully sink in. _Hopefully before the hell hounds come get me. _He thought as he quietly got out of the car and rounded to the passenger side. He was happy to find Ronnie, still sleeping when he quietly opened the door. He gently scooped her up, holding his breath as she stirred a bit, before nuzzling her face into his neck and sighing. He carried her up the walk and to the door before he stopped short, remembering that the door was locked. _Damn…I didn't want to have to wake her…_ He thought as he looked down at the key ring that held her car keys, realizing it probably held her house key too. He sifted through her keys, noticing with relief that there were only a few to try. _Alright! _Dean celebrated inwardly as he chose the right key on the first try. He quickly entered the house and moved toward the living room where he gingerly set Ronnie on the couch. He took another moment to gaze at her, taking in everything he'd missed in the four years since he'd seen her. _I should have come back sooner…I shouldn't have stayed away…_ He thought as he quietly made his way to the kitchen to prepare dinner.

_**Looks like they'll be staying a while…**_ the voice sneered in Riley's mind as he watched Dean carry Ronnie into the house. _**Hide the car where Winchester won't notice it. **_It ordered. Riley's cellular phone chirped as he moved mechanically to comply. He paused to look at the caller ID, noting his home phone number. _**If you answer that we'll be forced to pay them a visit…**_ The voice threatened, laughing maniacally as Riley cringed at the image of his family laying gutted on the ground, his own blood covered hand holding the knife. _Why…why are we waiting? What do you want from my cousin? _Riley demanded as he moved to the bushes at the edge of the property and watched the front door. _**I told you I have plans for her…that's all you need to know.**_ _I won't hurt her…_ He thought defiantly as the voice continued to laugh. _**It's your choice soldier boy…It could be her and your family or just her…it's up to you…So what's it gonna be? **_Riley stiffened unsure what do; could he really sacrifice his cousin to save his family?

Sam sat in the chair next to the dresser that Ronnie had vacated, pouring over his father's journal. He was looking for a ritual, one that he knew his father had used once before, to summon a demon to him. Slamming the journal shut, he rubbed his tired eyes. Replacing the journal in his bag, he pulled his laptop from his bag and began scouring the net for mention of the ritual. _Maybe they don't just watch the crossroads…_ He thought as began his search. _I mean hospitals have to be great hunting grounds for demons to find desperate people looking for a way to save a loved one. _Sam, momentarily, considered calling Bobby, but he knew it wasn't really an option since he was sure Bobby would never help him to do what he had planned. _I have to be ready to do this…If things don't work out for Lulu…I can't let Ronnie lose them both…if Dean won't let me save him…then I can at least let him rest easy, knowing his daughter is gonna be all right. _He thought as he looked over at Lulu's still form, watching the steady rise and fall of her chest for a moment, before turning back to his research. "I won't let you waste away."

Ronnie awoke to the sounds of Metallica and the smell of barbecued steak. _Smells like he found those steaks in the refrigerator. _She thought, smiling as she looked out the window. She noticed that the sun was setting as she made her way to the kitchen, stretching as she walked. She found Dean rummaging through the refrigerator and humming along to _Nothing else matters_ as she entered the kitchen. A grin spread across her face as she stood, leaning against the door jamb. _Admiring the view. _She thought, stifling a giggle.

Dean was searching the refrigerator for something to go with the steak, when he heard someone enter the kitchen. He tensed slightly, until he caught the sent of jasmine. Knowing Ronnie was watching, Dean made a show of rummaging through the refrigerator, before turning abruptly to see Ronnie grinning goofily his way. "What?" he asked, unable to keep from matching her grin.

"I…I was just admiring the view…" Ronnie replied, her cheeks flushing slightly at the fact that he'd caught her ogling him.

"I bet you were." Dean grinned as he approached her, lacing his arm around her waist and pulling her close. "So, did you like what you saw?" he whispered in her ear.

"I think I'd like to give it a test drive." Ronnie whispered, blushing at her own comment as she bit her lip. Her eyes fluttering at the warmth of his breath on her neck as he gently kissed her shoulder and continued up to her ear.

"As I remember it you've already had one of those," he breathed as he gently nibbled on her earlobe. He felt her cleave to him as her breathing became more rapid and smiled, wrapping his strong arms more tightly around her waist and pulling her even closer.

"You…you're probably right…but I'd really like another…" Ronnie whispered, breathlessly. "Why Mr. Winchester is that a gun in your pocket?" she quipped as she laced her arms around his neck.

"Nah…I'm just happy to see you," Dean replied his patented Dean Winchester grin as he raked his hands through her hair and tilted her head, his lips almost touching hers. She smiled and closed her eyes, readying herself for the kiss she knew was coming. Dean closed his eyes as he leaned in to kiss her and was met by the image of the dark-haired demon from the crossroads. _The last woman I kissed…was the demon I sold my soul to... _He thought as he pulled away. "I…I should check on the steaks." He mumbled as he hurried outside, leaving Ronnie to stare after him in disbelief. _I can't let her feel this pain and guilt…I can't tell her I sold my soul and have less that a year left until my contract comes due…I can't, not now…not while she's still worrying about Lulu…_

Ronnie's eyes snapped open as Dean pulled away with some lame excuse about checking on the steaks. She watched him hurry away, staring after him in disbelief. _Did I do something wrong? _She wondered as she longed to take a peak in his mind to know what the sudden surge of guilt and pain, emanating from him was all about. _No way…He'll tell me when he's ready. _Instead she went to the cupboards and pulled two plates from the shelf and set them on the table then moved to get cutlery and decided against glasses and pulled two cold beers from the refrigerator. When she was done, setting the table and without any other distraction she turned to watch Dean, scooping the steaks and potatoes off the barbecue and onto a plate. She hesitated, wondering if she should go help him or wait inside.

The sun was setting as Riley shifted uncomfortably in his hiding place, wishing for the thousandth time he could go home. _What are we waiting for anyway? _He asked the voice that had grown quiet as he'd felt its satisfaction when he'd chosen his family over his cousin. He was a soldier; he knew that in certain situations you had to sacrifice the few to save the many. _I just hope Ronnie can forgive me. _

_**We're waiting for Winchester to leave.**_ The voice replied. _But what if he doesn't? What if he stays with her? He's very protective of her… __**He'll grow restless soon enough. **_

"This is gonna be harder than I expected." Sam sighed as he shut his laptop. Looking out the window, he noticed the sun had begun to set. He found it hard to believe how much had changed in just twenty-four hours. _Dean's a father…I'm an uncle… _Sam thought filled with pride as he glanced at Lulu's sleeping form. _I can't believe Dad would keep something this important from Dean...And now Dean only has a year Dad…maybe less if we can't save Lulu…Bet you didn't consider that…did you Dad? John Winchester always does what's best…but what's best for who Dad? Huh? Why couldn't you just let Dean stay with a woman he obviously cared about and still cares about? _Sam thought angrily. _Doesn't he…don't we deserve a normal life? _

"Mommee?" Lulu's delicate voice chimed, pulling Sam from his angry thoughts.

"Hey there sleepy head!" he greeted with a goofy grin as he approached her bedside. "Your Mom and Dad went home for dinner…but your Daddy'll be back in a bit…so that means you're stuck with me for a bit …okay?"

Lulu hesitated a moment, taking in his words. "But I wan go home too!" she pouted. "Mommee say yes."

"I know honey…but the doctor said it's gonna take a bit more time to make you all better." Sam explained slowly.

"I no all better?"

"No." Sam replied simply, shaking his head as he spoke. Again Lulu took a moment to consider his words, her blue-green eyes gazing into Sam's hazel ones. "Are you hungry?" Sam asked finally, breaking the lingering silence between them as he sat on the edge of her bed.

"Yes, I hungry." Lulu replied quickly, nodding her head vigorously. Sam chuckled at her reaction. "I starving!" she exclaimed with a giggle that made Sam smile so wide his cheeks hurt.

"Okay, I'll go find a nurse and let her know that Princess Lulu is starving!" he laughed as he moved to the doorway.

"I princess?"

"Of course you are…all little girls are princesses." Sam assured.

"Oh okay…" Lulu replied as he turned again to leave the room. "Ucle Sammee…I love you!" she called as he was leaving the room.

"I love you too…" Sam croaked as his throat clenched with emotion. _I'm gonna save you Lulu…no matter what it takes…_

_Check on the steaks? Dude what the hell? You're a Winchester you practically lie for a living and that's what you come up with! _Dean thought as he stood at the barbecue, poking at the steaks and potatoes with his back to the kitchen, where he could hear Ronnie moving around. _I just can't lie to her…never could…_ Dean thought, unsure why he couldn't, other than he didn't really want to lie to her. _I just can't tell her the truth…not yet… _He resisted the urge to turn around to check on her. Instead, he plated the potatoes and steaks, before moving to kill the gas feeding the flames. Dean stared at the flame for a long moment, wondering if hell really was filled with fire and brimstone. Suddenly he could feel himself burning, writhing in the fire as he heard himself, screaming in agony. _Okay Dean get a grip! _He tried to clear his mind of all the thoughts of the deal he'd made and to desperately to bury the pain and guilt he felt, knowing that he barely had a year left to spend with Ronnie and Lulu. _Oh God…I didn't even consider Ronnie when I made that deal…_ He realized guiltily. _She'll hate me when she finds out…I…I just thought…she'd moved on…If I'd known about Lulu…would really have made that deal? _It was what he'd told Sam. That he still would have made the deal, but the more he thought about it, about what he was going to lose, the less sure he became. He took a deep breath to calm himself and clear his mind, before picking up the plate of food and heading toward the kitchen, with his Dean Winchester grin plastered on his face. His grin quickly evaporated and turned to a look of concern when he saw Ronnie.

Ronnie watched as Dean removed the food from the barbecue, pausing a long moment to stare at the flame as he bent to turn off the gas. …_she'll hate me when she finds out…_ Dean's voice whispered in Ronnie's mind as her knees buckled from the weight of the pain and guilt Dean was radiating, but there was something else, something underlying that she'd never felt from Dean before. _Fear_. She thought as she grabbed the back of a nearby chair for support. She could feel Dean's inner struggle to quell the emotions, rising within him and to push away whatever was plaguing him. She straightened and forced a weak smile as he turned her way, hoping to hide how much of a toll the whole situation with Lulu had taken on her, how close her wall was to toppling from the strain, but as Dean's grin evaporated into a look of concern, she knew she'd failed.

"Kiki?" Dean breathed as he rushed to her side quickly, setting down the plate of food and wrapping a protective arm around her waist as he pulled out the chair next to them and eased her into it. "Are you all right?" he asked worriedly, gazing down at her pale face as she forced a weak attempt at a reassuring smile.

"I'm…I'm fine." she stammered, struggling to focus on him as her vision blurred and her head began to ache. "Really I'm just…just hungry I guess," she lied, knowing she was failing miserably at reassuring him.

"Your nose is bleeding," he whispered eying her wearily as he grabbed a cloth he'd left on the counter and gently wiped away the blood, before busying himself getting her a glass of water. "Here drink this," he ordered his voice soft as he handed the glass to her. She accepted it with a weak but grateful smile, thankful that her hands remained cooperatively steady.

As she set the glass down Dean crouched in front of her, gently caressing her cheek as he carefully studied her face. The color was slowly returning to her cheeks and her gaze had lost its faraway look. He gently grazed her lips with his finger tips, watching her eyes become veiled as a sigh escaped her lips. He leaned closer to her, his right hand tracing its way across her cheek and caressed the nape of her neck as his left arm encircled her waist and pulled her close to him.

Ronnie's breath quickened as Dean pulled her close, his gentle touch on her neck sending shivers through her. She moaned softly as she felt the warmth of his taut chest against her breasts. Another moan escaped her lips as Dean's hand slid into her hair tenderly tilted her head to the side and butterfly kissed a trail up her neck to her ear and playfully nibbled on it. She moaned again louder, feeling her cheeks flush as she relished the gentle touch of his rough skin and the warmth of his breath on her skin.

"God I missed you," she whispered breathlessly. "Take me upstairs." As he scooped her into his arms in one swift movement, she wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingers running through his hair.

"Yes Ma'am," Dean replied with a mischievous grin and the familiar twinkle in his green eyes, carrying her out of the kitchen. "You sure you're up for this?" he asked, pausing at the stairs.

"And then Jimmy pokeded the beesive and they got mad…."

"Yeah I bet they did," Sam smiled from the chair beside Lulu's bed as she chattered nonstop, telling him all kinds of stories, some of which he knew were made up simply to entertain him. Her energy was amazing, considering how sick she was. He'd eaten dinner with her, the nurse insisting on getting him a plate. He obliged happy to see that Lulu finished her plate and even picked at some of his.

"…so he jumpeded in the water so the bees couldn't find him no more…'cause bees can't swim!" She exclaimed, raising her hands and shaking her head in exaggerated disbelief as she spoke. "Then antee Julee had to use tweezees to take out all the stings…he had like a bzillion owees!"

Sam chuckled at her enthusiasm and her obvious penchant for embellishment. _She definitely takes after Dean. _"Wow, that's a lot of owes," Sam commented as she watched his reaction with a twinkle in her eye. _Definitely a Winchester. _

"Uh huh…he was all pokee dotee…" she giggled. "He lookeded …reallee funnee…" she managed between yawns.

"Looks like someone's getting sleepy!" Sam snickered as he leaned in and kissed her forehead. "Close you eyes honey, I'll be right here," he assured as she settled back on her pillow, struggling to keep her eyes open.

"But Daddee…I wanna say goodnight…"

"I know honey, but you'll see him in the morning when you wake up," Sam promised, watching as she continued to struggle to keep her eyes open. He knew he could call Dean, but he didn't want to interrupt whatever time Dean was getting to spend with Ronnie.

"I wan my bunnee, that Daddee sended me," she whispered drowsily. Sam quickly scanned the pile of stuffed animals for a bunny that Ronnie would have said Dean sent. His eyes fell on a familiar looking stuffed animal. It was a beat-up looking bunny in pajamas. "This one?" he asked uncertainly as he picked it up to show her. She nodded sleepily, giving him a weak smile as he approached with the toy. "There you go honey." he whispered, tucking the toy in beneath the covers beside her. _Why does that bunny seem so familiar? _He wondered as he gently kissed Lulu's forehead again. "Goodnight beautiful princess," he whispered as he sat back in the chair next to her bed and racked his brain, trying to remember where he'd seen that bunny before.

"You can…put me…down now…sailor," Ronnie mumbled between kisses as they arrived at her bedroom door. Without breaking the kiss, Dean set her down, his hands quickly moving to her back and abdomen beneath her shirt. He casually slid her shirt up her sides, pulling away only long enough for Ronnie to hastily yank it off and toss it aside.

"Nice," Dean grinned at the lacey black bra she wore.

"Uh huh," She breathed as she tugged at his t-shirt, pulling him closer and kissing him again, deeper, hungrier now as her hands raked through his hair.

Dean's right hand skimmed her back as he ran the fingers of his left through her hair. Deftly he unhooked her bra with one hand, sliding the straps down her arms and watching as she shook off the offending object before returning to caressing his hair. His arms once again laced around her, pulling her closer so that she could feel the swell of his manhood as he felt the warmth of her naked breasts through the thin cotton of his t-shirt.

"Off," she ordered, pulling at the shirt as she stepped back. She watched as he slowly crossed his arms over his chest and gripped the material, taking, what seemed like, an exorbitant amount of time to take it off. "It's not nice to tease," she growled as she tugged the shirt over his head and hurled it aside. She grabbed his belt loops to pull him closer. Ronnie's breath quickened as she felt the warmth of Dean's firm chest against her breasts and his strong arm around her waist. He carefully backed her into the room until she stumbled up against the bed and they both tumbled onto it. With her hair fanned out around her, she laughed breathlessly as Dean buried his face in her hair, inhaling the jasmine perfume she always wore. "Make love to me." she whispered as she ran her fingers through his hair and tenderly kissed his neck.

He pushed himself up, wearing a wicked grin as he sat back on his heels. He nimbly unbuttoned her jeans, sliding them down her thighs, his fingers grazing her skin as he did, sending shivers of pleasure through her. "You're wearing your naughty panties," he smirked at the sight of the lacey black panties that matched her discarded bra. A breathless moan escaped her lips and he saw her blush as he stood at the edge of the bed and kicked off his shoes and proceeded to unclip his belt and then slowly, teasingly remove his own jeans. He laughed as she watched him with a look of hungry anticipation when he climbed back onto the bed, wearing only his boxers. She grappled her legs around one of his as he moved to lay back down, effectively flipping him over and pinning him under her.

She straddled him, her hands on his shoulders as her long dark hair cascaded down her shoulders and onto his face and shoulders. The scent of jasmine enveloped him as she leaned down and kissed him hard on the lips, her hands moving to the sides of his face and into his hair as his arms circled around her waist, lightly coaxing her panties down her hips. His arms encircled her again and he flipped her over, reclaiming his spot on top as he slid her panties the rest of the way down.

Ronnie lay breathless, expectantly watching as Dean nimbly remove his boxers and toss them aside, before straddling her. He leaned in toward her and she arched her back as he softly kissed her stomach and caressed her thigh. She could feel his firm manhood push against her thigh. She moaned with anticipation as it slid between her legs and into her. The small amount of pain that caused her to cry out softly was quickly washed away by a wave of pleasure that swept over her. She moved her hips in time with his, feeling the pleasure wash over her again and again until she peaked, collapsing against the pillow as he continued to thrust inside her. A pleasant feeling of languor fell over her as she felt herself peak again with him. He fell onto the bed beside her, breathing heavily. She gave in to the drowsiness that slid over her as he pulled her into the safety of his arms.

End Notes:

Hope you enjoyed this chapter...I know I enjoyed writing it! Thanks for reading and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review! it doesn't have to be a long one...but it will mean the world to me!


	13. Chapter 13

Painted on my Heart

_**Painted on my Heart**_

_**By: gengen0776**_

_Okay next chapter coming right up! Told ya I'd be updating quickly now! Thanks to everyone who is reading still! It means a lot that you are sticking with me! And thanks SO much for your reviews keep em comin! _

_**Chapter 13**_

_"Uncle Sam?" a small voice called from the doorway to his office. Immediately recognizing the voice, Sam looked up from the legal documents he'd been looking over and smiled. Lulu stood, leaning against the doorjamb. Her arms crossed protectively in front of her chest she gazed at him with her intense blue-green eyes through the mess of curls that tumbled into her eyes and framed her face. "Can I talk to you a minute?" she asked tentatively when she saw she had his attention, her voice sounding hoarse as though she'd been yelling. _

_"Sure honey, come in," Sam beckoned as he rounded his desk and motioned for her to sit on the love seat he often used, when reading or researching something for work. The slender thirteen-year-old moved gracefully across the room, before unceremoniously dropping onto the love seat with a heavy sigh. _

_Sam recognized the sigh. He'd heard it once if he'd heard it a thousand times. It was the sigh of someone with what seemed like the weight of the word on their shoulders. He wondered what would cause his usually bubbly niece to feel that way as he sat next to her, watching as she stared down at her hands as though they held some much-needed answers. When their eyes met, Sam saw a pain and concern in them that was beyond her thirteen years, pain he hadn't seen since Dean told him that their father had said that Dean might have to kill him. _I can't believe it's been almost ten years…since…_ Sam thought as he strained to push away the images of the night that Dean's debt had been collected as they surfaced, threatening to drown him in the guilt and sorrow that he still felt. _I'm sorry I couldn't save you bro…_ He thought as he forced himself to focus on the moment and on his niece who needed to talk to him. _

_"What's going on kiddo?" Sam asked, patiently prodding as Lulu seemed lost in thought. "Thought you had practice this afternoon," he added, knowing it probably wasn't what was bothering her, but wanting to get her talking and if there was one thing that could get her talking it was soccer. She practiced religiously, determined to be the next Mia Hamm. _

_"Nah, the boys had practice today," she sighed. "S'ok though they need the practice," she added, a grin reminiscent of Dean's signature one momentarily playing on her lips. As quickly as it came it, was gone and she turned serious again, her hands having regained their interest. The silence stretched between them as Sam gazed across the room at the bookcase lined with law volumes, wondering if he should probe a little more or just wait worried she'd clam up the way Dean used to when he pushed too hard. _Wish you were here to see her Dean…She's so much like you…_ He thought as he decided to wait out her silence. _

_"Mom said something today…and I…I wanted to know…if it's true," she stated tentatively. "'Cause you know she's not having a great day…and sometimes…she says things…things that sound crazy…and—" _

_"What'd she say?" Sam asked softly, cutting off Lulu's guilt-ridden ramble as he turned his concerned gaze back to her. Lulu gave him a small appreciative smile, before turning her gaze back to her hands. _

_"She…she said…never mind it can't be true," Lulu mumbled as she quickly stood up. "I'm sorry I disturbed you," she added as she moved to leave, but Sam stood, blocking her exit. _

_"Lulu, what is it? What'd she say? You can tell me anything…you know that," Sam coaxed hurriedly as he bent to meet her downcast eyes, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. _

_Since Dean's death, Sam had taken it upon himself to remain close to Ronnie and Lulu, feeling an obligation to both his brother and the mother and daughter to care for them. When his record had, miraculously or not so miraculously, been erased, Sam had been afforded a second chance. Sam knew it had somehow it had been Dean's doing to allow him to have a normal life. Sam hadn't taken his brother's gift for granted and had returned to Law school, choosing a school in San Antonio to stay close to his only remaining family and link to his brother. After graduation, he'd accepted a position in a large firm in San Antonio. Heading up a team of pro-bono attorneys, that served mostly as a tax write-off for the firm, but also helped clients that could never afforded legal representation. He'd moved in with Lulu and her mother as Ronnie's health had begun to decline. Her struggle to keep other people's thoughts at bay had begun to take a physical as well as a mental one and it became harder and harder, with each passing day, for her to separate her thoughts from those of people around her. The decline had been especially hard on Lulu, who didn't understand exactly what was wrong with her mother, since Ronnie had refused to tell Lulu about the family "gift." _

_"I know…you…you told me…there are things out there…things that seem impossible but…but this was different," Lulu hesitated and Sam gave her shoulder an encouraging squeeze. "She said it's your fault…that my dad is…is dead…She said he sold his soul…for you…to save you," she whispered, her eyes filling with tears as she continued. "She said… she could hear him…screaming…as he burns in hell." _

…screaming as he burns in hell. _Sam's breath caught in his throat as Lulu's words echoed in his mind. He'd know this day would come, the day when Lulu would hate him as much as he hated himself. _

_"I…He…Your dad didn't know about you when he made that deal," Sam stammered, searching for the right words to defend Dean's actions. "We found out about you about a month after the deal was made," he added as Lulu stared at him in wide-eyed disbelief. _

_"No…No, it can't be true…he couldn't have…He SOLD his soul? Now he's…he's burning…in hell?" Lulu's voice was barely a whisper, tears welling in her eyes as she stared at a photograph of her parents on Sam's desk taken a few weeks before Dean's death. Sam noticed her begin to sway and quickly caught her up in his protective arms and gently eased her back onto the couch. He sat beside her for a moment, before turning to face her as he spoke. _

_"Dean…your dad was the strongest person I've ever known…After our mom died…he made it his job to protect me any way he could…it was what my dad expected of him…what my dad asked of him…I'm not trying to lay blame…I mean I'm here because he sacrificed himself…so your mom is right…I'm the one to blame…it's my fault he's not here," Sam explained as he searched her horror-stricken face, knowing she was imagining her father, that she'd barely knew except from pictures, screaming in agony because he could barely keep himself from imagining it himself. "It doesn't change what he did…but I wanted you to understand why he felt he had to…He thought he was all alone…he didn't know about you Lulu." She looked up at him, her tear-filled eyes searching his for a moment. _It's my fault. _Sam thought sadly. _It's my fault your father's not here, watching you grow…_ "I'm SO sorry Lulu," he whispered, knowing that being sorry couldn't help his niece and that it wouldn't bring back his brother. _

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The sun was setting as Dean lay, staring at the ceiling with Ronnie next to him, her head resting against his chest. He listened to the steady sound of her breathing punctuated by recurrent contented sighs as she drifted off to sleep. _Another day closer to paying my debt. _He thought sadly, staring out the window at the setting sun as he played absently in Ronnie's hair. _I should get going…Don't want Sam to get any ideas about spending the night with Lulu in my place. _

Dean carefully maneuvered himself from under Ronnie careful not to wake her, knowing she needed her rest. _Keeping other people's thoughts at bay is an exhausting prospect on a normal day… _Dean thought as he gently eased off Ronnie's glasses and put them aside on the nightstand where she'd easily find them when she awoke. _The past few days have been anything but normal. _He quietly moved to pick up his clothes, his stomach growling loudly to remind him that neither of them had actually eaten dinner. _Guess we got distracted. _He grinned mischievously as he hazarded a quick glance at his near naked form in the mirror above Ronnie's dresser and then at Ronnie naked form. _distraction isn't such a bad thing. _He reasoned, but his playful mood quickly evaporated as he suddenly felt torn between Ronnie's need for rest and her need to eat.

_I'll get San to warm the steaks and potatoes when he gets here…_ He decided as he pulled on his jeans and grabbed his boots from beside the bed and then his shirt on his way to the door, his stomach protesting loudly again as he pulled on his shirt. _And I'll grab a sandwich or something in the hospital vending machine. _He assured his angry stomach as he quietly made his way downstairs. Staring longingly at the steaks on the kitchen table, Dean pulled on his boots and quickly moved to close the back door, his eyes never leaving the steaks. He hurried out of the kitchen, scooping up Ronnie's keys as he headed out the front door.

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Ronnie awoke with a start, an unsettling feeling that something was missing washing over her as she opened her eyes, but she was unable to put her finger on what it was. _The noise…it's too quiet… _She realized, noting that Dean was gone and so were his clothes. _Guess he's not in the bathroom…_ She surmised, knowing he wasn't in the house at all. Her mind was quiet, almost too quiet, without the background buzz of someone else's thoughts. The silence was almost as deafening as having the thoughts of hundreds of people swimming in her mind. It was one of the reason's she'd insisted on spending two nights at the hospital with Lulu, needing the familiar hum of her daughter's thoughts as well as not wanting to leave her side. Having Dean and Sam around the night before, had been a welcome substitute that had afforded her a decent night's sleep, something she hadn't had the two nights she'd spent in the hospital.

"I guess he went back to the hospital," Ronnie sighed, glancing at her reflection in the mirror above her dresser on the opposite wall as she sat up in bed. Squinting at her blurry reflection, she realized Dean must have taken off her glasses. She found them on the nightstand and slipped them on as she slid out of her and padded to her dresser. She cringed at her naked form, noting how thin and frail she looked and how the rounded shape of her glasses accentuated the gauntness of her face and the dark circles under her eyes. _God, I look terrible. _She thought, looking away as she searched her drawers for some comfortable clothes and throwing them onto her bed. Avoiding her reflection, she grabbed her clothes and hurried to the connecting bathroom, where she was once again greeted by her forlorn reflection in the mirror there. Looking away, she pulled off her glasses, setting them on the counter next to her clothes before proceeding to run the water for a bath.

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"Finally" Riley sneered as the voice in his head took over. _No! I won't let you hurt her! _Riley's mind screamed as his face grinned wickedly, watching Dean drive away leaving Ronnie alone. _**How ya gonna stop me soldier boy? **_The voice laughed as it led Riley to the front door of the house and pulled out his keys. _**Betcha wish you'd kept those charms and wards up the way your grandpa taught you. **_The voice goaded as it entered the house without a problem. _**And it's too bad the water doesn't come from that blessed well anymore…does your cousin even know how vulnerable you left her? **_

Silently closing the door behind him, Riley listened for sounds of movement in the darkened house. He could hear the water running upstairs and assumed that Ronnie was taking a bath. Quietly, he crept up the stairs, anxiously awaiting the look on her face when she saw the darkness in his eyes. _Ronnie! Get out of the house! Run! Please Ronnie, hear me! Get out! I'm so sorry I'm not strong enough to fight it! Ronnie! _Riley screamed from within his mind, hoping she'd pick up on it, that the past few days had weakened her barrier enough for his thoughts to break through.

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Dean arrived at the hospital to find Sam slumped in the chair beside Lulu's bed. Seeing that his brother was sleeping, Dean seized the opportunity to silence his protesting stomach, before relieving his brother. _Maybe I'll make a stop at the nurse's to see if there's any news on our blood tests. _He thought as he made his way back down the hall to the nurses' station he'd passed on his way in. Noting that no one was at the station, Dean assumed the nurses were doing their rounds and opted to stop by the station, after paying a much needed visit to the cafeteria vending machines.

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Ronnie sighed loudly as she slid into the hot bath, laying her head back against the inflatable pillow suctioned to the back of the tub. She closed her eyes and inhaled the calming scent of lavender wafting up from the essential oils she'd added to the water. She allowed herself to slip further into the water until it enveloped her completely, recalling the many times she'd done this in an effort to muffle the thoughts of those around her. She moved to sit up but a pressure on her chest kept her from breaking the surface for air. Her eyes snapped open, finding Riley's grinning form leaning over the edge of the bath tub his hands gripping her shoulders as she thrashed, her legs splashing water across the room in an unsuccessful attempt to free herself.

_Why Riley? Why are you doing this? _Her mind screamed as the breath she'd been holding too long finally escaped her lips. _Riley…please…don't…don't do…_ Her mind pleaded as she watched what would probably be her last breath rush to the surface. Her vision began to blur as water crept down her throat, eliciting her body to gag and cough. Coughing under water meant drawing in water instead of air and as the water burned down into her lungs and everything faded to black her mind uttered one last plea.

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When Dean returned with his gourmet dinner of a ham sandwich, chip and soda, he found the young night nurse, sitting with her legs up on the counter watching _Grey's Anatomy_ with great interest as she snacked on a bag of microwave popcorn.

"Good evening," Dean greeted quietly, not wanting to startle the nurse, but causing her to jump despite his effort. "Sorry…I'm Dean…"

"Winchester, Marylou's father; yes I know I saw you leave with your…with her mother earlier."

"Yeah…um how's Lulu doin'?" Dean asked, purposely avoiding confirming or denying as relationship with Ronnie.

"She's doing much better…so far as can be expected…the blood transfusion helped a lot but it' s not a cure," the nurse informed between handfuls of popcorn. "She and your brother fell asleep before we even picked up their dinner trays," she added absently as her attention was drawn back to the television screen.

"Well, I'll see you later," Dean said as he sauntered down the hall happy to hear that Lulu had eaten and tried to allay the jealousy he felt that Sam had gotten spend time with Lulu while she was awake. _But I get to watch her sleep…to memorize everything about her so that I can think of her when I'm burning in hell and know I did at least one good thing…_

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"Lulu…please…I'm sorry…so sorry," Sam sobbed as he awoke. He scrubbed his hand across his face, feeling the moisture on his cheeks from the tears the dream had caused. He wondered suddenly if this had been more than just a dream. _What if it's a vision and I'm supposed to stop this from happening. _He thought as he considered the dream. Would losing Dean really push Ronnie over the edge and weakened her to the point where she couldn't block out her power? Would she and Lulu hate him or understand the reasoning behind Dean's sacrifice? _Well if it was a vision the good news is that I know Lulu's gonna survive this. _He thought wryly. _If this was a premonition…_ He reminded himself, knowing it could very-well have been nothing more than a dream.

"I've gotta find a way to get you out of that deal Dean," he whispered as he stared at the door, hoping his brother was taking advantage of his time alone with Ronnie. _They deserve…more… _He thought, realizing that if he didn't find a way to save Dean they had less than a year together, that Lulu had less than a year with her father. _I can't let it happen…_

_End Notes:_

_Ok so I know this was kind of an evil cliffy...but just think when I first posted this on the other site they waited at least a week for an update and you should have one in a day or two...I think that's a pretty good deal don't you? Let me know what you think! Am I evil? tell me so!_


	14. Chapter 14

Painted on my Heart

_**Painted on my Heart**_

_**By: gengen0776**_

**Chapter 14**

Dean grinned widely, brimming with pride as he spied Lulu, through the open door of her room, as he approached. _That's MY daughter. _ He thought in disbelief as he entered the room. The sound of his brother's voice, muttering something, caused Dean to turn quickly to face him. His grin quickly evaporated as he studied his brother's despondent expression.

"What's wrong little brother?" Dean asked softly, not wanting to wake Lulu. Sam looked up at him, his bleary eyes looking confused as though noticing Dean for the first time.

"Bad…Bad dream," Sam stammered, clearing his throat nervously as he spoke.

"You sure?" Dean asked, wondering what the dream could have been about to leave his brother so shaken. Sam nodded slowly, without looking up. "What about?" Dean asked, giving his brother a concerned frown as her set his dinner down on Lulu's dresser and dropped into the chair next to it. "Never mind, I know what it was about," he commented as he watched Sam stare at Lulu his jaw clenched in a pained expression.

"Do you…Do you really think it's worth it Dean? Bringing me back…now that you know about," Sam paused and looked Dean's way, meeting his gaze as he continued. "Do you really think you'd have made the sacrifice if you'd known?" he demanded, staring Dean in the eye as if daring him to lie.

"Honestly, Sammy," Dean began, pausing as though weighing his words; which was very unDeanlike. "I…I…don't know," he replied with a heavy sigh. _Damn it Winchester! Why'd you go say that for? There was no reason he needed to know the truth? _ Dean chastised inwardly as Sam matched his sigh with a guilty one of his own. "Listen Sammy…couldas…shouldas…wouldas…they don't do any good…What's done is done, I told you that! Now please…drop it! You need to let it go."

"How can I Dean?" Sam demanded in a strained whisper, his arms flying up from his sides in an exasperated gesture as he stood and began to pace. "You're gonna lose your chance to have a normal life…with a woman you obviously care about and your daughter…a chance at a family…and I'm just supposed to let it go, knowing you sacrificed your chance for me?"

"What's done is done Sammy…we can't change it…we've just gotta make the b—"

"What's done is done? Come on Dean! I was dead…done…but you changed that…so why can't I change this?" Sam demanded, raising his arms with great flourish as he cut Dean's make-the-best-of-it speech short. He stopped pacing and stood, staring his brother down; daring him to come up with a valid reason that his life would be more important than Dean's and why he couldn't make the same sacrifice for Dean.

"Look could we talk about this later?" Dean hissed as Lulu stirred but didn't wake up.

"That chair is more comfortable," Sam said with a resigned sigh, after a long silence, motioning towards the chair he'd recently vacated.

"Good to know," Dean commented as he picked up his feast and headed for the seat next to Lulu's bed, happy that Sam was willing to drop the subject if only for the moment. Quietly placing everything on the night stand, he bent to kiss his daughter's forehead, inhaling the sweet scent of strawberries. "She smells like strawberries," he whispered, a smile playing on his lips as he moved back to sit in the chair.

"It's probably her shampoo," Sam guessed, noting Dean's smile as he gazed at Lulu's sleeping form. It was as true a smile as Sam had ever seen grace his brother's lips, filled with so much happiness and pride that it made the skin next to his eyes crinkle. _I'm gonna find a way to make that a permanent fixture. _ Sam vowed.

"Uh huh," Dean replied absently as he studied the gentle curves of Lulu's cheeks, noticing the color had returned to them, and her sweet little bow mouth as he continued to smile goofily. His gaze drifted over her sleeping form, spotting something familiar next to her. "Sonuva…is that? Nah it can't be…but it is," he stammered as he stood again, approaching Lulu's bedside to get a closer look.

"What Dean? What is it?" Sam questioned, rushing over to the opposite side of the bed to see that he was talking about.

"The bunny," Dean whispered gently, removing the stuffed animal from beside Lulu and showing it to his brother. "I can't believe he kept it," he sighed in disbelief, looking up at Sam and seeing his bewildered expression. "You don't remember it?" he asked, his brow furrowing as Sam shook his head.

"Should I?" Sam asked sounding impatient as he wished his brother would get to the point. "I mean it seemed familiar, but…"

"Well, it was yours…so what do you think?" Dean replied sarcastically, thrusting the stuffed toy at Sam so he could get a closer look. "It was like the only toy of yours that survived the fire 'cause it was twisted up in your blanket."

"Really?"

"Yeah you cried for like a week when Dad finally took it away…you were five," Dean reminded. "He said you were too old for stuffed animals."

"And he kept it?" Sam asked incredulously, still racking his brain trying to remember the toy as he handed it back to his brother.

"Looks like," Dean replied, gently replacing the toy in its place next to Lulu and moving away from her bedside.

"And he gave it to Lulu…that's pretty cool…I guess."

"Yeah, I guess he thought it would make up for the fact that she may never get to meet me, since he never planned on telling me about her," Dean whispered sardonically as he stared out the window into the starry night, his mind and heart a jumble of emotions he struggled to keep in tow. "You should probably get going…you must be tired," Dean whispered absently, without turning his brother's way.

"Yeah…I guess I should get going," Sam replied absently. "Ronnie's probably wondering what's keeping me," he added as he walked over to the dresser and picked up his bag where he'd left it earlier.

"Yeah maybe…she was sleepin' when I left," Dean informed, turning back to look at Sam. "And she hasn't eaten yet," he added, a grin playing on is lips.

"All that time and you didn't eat?"

"We…uh…we got distracted," Dean replied, his wicked grin speaking volumes and causing Sam to chuckle. "There are steaks and potatoes on the kitchen table…listen do me a favor man and warm one of them up for her and make sure she eats?" Dean requested, becoming serious again.

"Sure man no problem," Sam replied as he headed for the door. "I'll…uh…see you in the morning," Sam added, watching his brother turn back to stare out the window. _I'm gonna fix this bro…I promise I'll save you…_

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"Oh God…R-Ronnie…what have I done?" Riley sobbed as he pulled his cousin's still form from the bath tub. "Oh God…Oh God…" he sobbed, the voice in his head laughing dementedly at his distress. He gently pushed the hair from her face, tilting her head up and opening her mouth to make sure her airway was clear. "Please God let this work," he sobbed as he pinched her nose and proceeded to blow into her mouth, watching to see her chest rise. _**God's not gonna help ya now soldier boy you… killed your cousin…**_ The voice in his head taunted. _Shut up! _ His mind screamed as he moved to begin chest compressions. "One two three four…" he counted out loud, trying to drown out the crazed laughter in his head as he did. After counting out 30 compressions, he went back to breathing into Ronnie's mouth. With the second breath Ronnie began to cough and sputter as Riley quickly turned her on her side so she wouldn't choke on the water again as it exited her lungs. As the coughing fit stopped, she lay back on the wet tile floor, shivering violently Riley sprung into action and fetched a towel. He helped her to sit up, before draping it protectively around her.

"Ri…Riley?" Ronnie croaked, looking at him with a bewildered look of someone who'd been awoken in the middle of a dream. "Wha…what are you…?" She stammered, pulling the towel tighter around her as she continued to shiver. "Wha…what happened?" She asked weakly as her mind was accosted by the sinister sound of maniacal laughter. Her hands flew protectively to her ears as she cringed, shutting her eyes tightly struggling to keep the sound at bay. _Stop it can't you see you're hurting her! _ Riley's voice screamed even as she covered her ears and suddenly she realized that the laughter and the screaming were coming from Riley's thoughts and that her wall had almost completely fallen. The laugher continued as she slowly opened her eyes to see Riley, grinning evilly and suddenly she remembered everything. "Wha…why?" She croaked as she watched Riley's eyes become dark pool of black and his grin spread wider across his face.

"Because I needed you weak enough to do this," Riley replied as he leaned in toward her, gripping her shoulders as he open mouth kissed her. She momentarily struggled against him, but soon Riley slumped against her and she pushed him aside. She stood, allowing the towel to drop to the wet floor as she approached the mirror, squinting at her reflection for a moment, before spotting the glasses on the counter next to a pile of clothes. _**Finally. **_ The voice purred in her mind as she struggled to regain control of her body. "Struggle all you like honey you're too weak to fight me off," she jeered at her reflection. "Now hush up and watch the show," she added, pulling on the clothing. "We'll see if Dean chooses his precious Sammy this time." She bent to look at Riley's prone form. "Sorry kid, I liked ya I really did," she whispered as she turned him onto his back and gave his cheek a playful tap. _What did you do to him? _ Ronnie demanded from within her mind. "I saved him…when I found him he was mortally wounded…thanks to me he got to spend a few more months with his wife and kids…" _I…I don't understand…_ "Of course you do…you know how it works demon possesses a person and that person can live through anything…as long as the demon remains within them…I'm afraid poor Riley's time is almost up…massive internal injuries can do that to a person," she explained casually as she stood and stepped over his motionless body and headed back into the bedroom. _Is he dead? No please go back…we have to help him…_ Ronnie pleaded to the force controlling her. "Sorry honey we've got some things to take care of before Sam gets back," she murmured as Ronnie feebly continued to protest within her own mind.

**End notes:**

Let me know what you think! Shorter chapter I know! The next one will be up in a couple of days! Please leave me a review and let me know what you think! Is this an evil cliffie? LOL I think I may have become addicted to them!


	15. Chapter 15

Painted on my Heart

_**Painted on my Heart**_

_**By: gengen0776**_

**Chapter 15**

Sam blasted the radio tuned to a local rock station as he drove, hoping the music would distract him enough from his thoughts to help him concentrate on driving Ronnie's car home. Unfortunately, it wasn't working and his mind kept racing back to the same thought. _How am I gonna save Dean? _ He wondered. Sam momentarily considered making his own deal to save Dean, but he immediately dismissed it. Even if the crossroads demon were willing to make the deal to save Dean, which was highly unlikely, there was Dean's reaction to consider. Making a deal to trade his life for Dean's would be like throwing the sacrifice his brother had made back in his face; even if it was for a good cause. As he continued to consider his options he felt a familiar and unwelcome sensation working its way up the back of his neck; the makings of a vision.

Pulling the car over to the shoulder of the road, Sam prepared himself as best he could for the pain he knew would come. As blinding pain seared its way through his head, Sam's hand flew to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose in hopes of abating some of the pain. The vision hit him head on like a Mack truck, images flooding into his mind like a kaleidoscopic jumble, before finally coming to rest on Ronnie, her face pained, her eyes pleading as Dean stood pointing a gun at her.

_"Please Dean…shoot me…it's…it's the only way," she begged as Dean scrubbed his free hand across his face his anguish over the situation palpable. _

_"No…I…I…can't…" Dean stammered his voice strained with emotion. "There has to be another way…" _

The vision ended as quickly as it had begun, leaving Sam feeling as though he were missing some imperative detail. As a wave of nausea overtook him, he wrenched open the car door and leaned out the side, vomiting his dinner onto the road. He dry heaved a couple of times, before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Leaning his head back against the headrest, he took a few slow deep breaths until the pain dissipated and his sight cleared. Closing the car door, he sat staring out at the darkened road considering his vision. Why was Ronnie begging Dean to shoot her? What did she mean when she said it was the only way? He considered calling Dean, but quickly remembered that his cell phone would be off in the hospital. Instead, Sam took one last deep breath as he turned the key in the ignition and continued to Ronnie's house, planning to call Dean at the hospital when he got there. As he drove, his mind now had a new topic to obsess about, the possible meanings of Ronnie's comment in his vision.

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Dean sat, drinking in every detail of his daughter's sleeping form, determined to commit to memory every freckle of the best 'thing' he ever had a hand in creating. _I only wish there was more time to be with you and your mom…There's something the djinn never considered when it created my dream world…_ Dean had never imagined being a father, bringing a child into the world he knew, with all the evil out there. In his line of work, letting anyone get too close was a liability, but to have a child, someone so defenseless, that was something most hunters avoided for obvious reasons. _I guess I can understand why you did it Dad…but it doesn't make it right. _ He thought, knowing that, in his mind, his father had done what he'd thought best for Dean and Ronnie and Lulu, though understanding didn't quell the anger he felt. As he watched the gentle rise and fall of Lulu's little chest and listened to the rhythmic sound of her breathing, Dean slumped in his chair as his head lolled, his chin coming to rest against his chest as he fell asleep.

He jerked awake at the sound of movement, his finely tuned hunter senses noticing the movement though the intruder was attempting to be stealthy. Realizing it was the nurse he'd met earlier, Dean gave her an apologetic look as he stretched his stiffened limbs. "Sorry…Melanie," he whispered, glimpsing her nametag as he watched her work.

"No, no I apologize for waking you," she whispered insistently with an embarrassed smile.

"I'm a really light sleeper…you didn't stand a chance of sneaking in," Dean assured with a grin. "You should probably warn your colleagues…so I don't scare them too," he added, stifling a yawn as he moved to Lulu's bedside.

"So you're staying the night?" she asked, sounding surprised.

"That's the plan…want someone to be here in case she wakes up." Dean whispered as he leaned in and pushed aside a stray curl from his daughter's eyes, chuckling as it stubbornly fell right back into place.

"Actually, you don't have to worry about her waking up," the nurse commented as she gently lifted Lulu's tiny wrist and looked down at her watch checked the child's pulse.

"Wha-what do you mean?" Dean stammered as his heart jumped to his throat. _But they said she was doing better…_ He waited nervously for the nurse to explain, gripping the side of Lulu's bed as he felt his knees weaken beneath him. He'd faced ghosts and werewolves and dozens of other kinds of monsters, but nothing ever came close to putting the fear he felt in his heart the way the thought of losing his daughter did. "I…I thought she was doing better…"

"Oh, no, it's nothing like that…sorry, I thought you knew the doctor prescribed her a sedative and it only wears off in the morning," the nurse quickly explained, noticing Dean's rising worry. "Actually, he did that last night too, so that Lulu's mom would go home to rest…She was really running herself ragged."

"Oh…that's…that's good I guess…that way Lulu gets her rest too," Dean surmised, unable to hide his disappointment that his daughter wouldn't be waking up during his watch. Seeing the look on her face, when she awoke to find him there that morning had been a moment he'd hoped to relive. He'd even secretly hoped she'd wake up in the middle of the night, maybe even from a nightmare and he could be there to console her and help her back to sleep the way his mother had when he was a child.

"I mean…you can stay if you want…they won't kick you out…but you could also spend some quality time with the missus."

Dean smiled as he noted that the nurse was fishing again for qualification of his relationship with Ronnie. "It sure does," he replied with a smile as he watched a momentary flicker of disappointment cross the nurse's face. "I'll call my brother to come back and get me then," Dean replied as he pulled out his cell phone.

"Oh, he looked so tired when he left…I…I get off in twenty minutes…if you want I could give you a ride instead!" She chimed in,with a grin Dean recognized all too well.

"That would be super…uh Melanie," Dean replied with forced enthusiasm, glancing at her name tag again and wondering if he'd regret this decision later.

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Ronnie sat in the darkened living room, waiting for Sam to return, her calm exterior never betraying the war brewing within her. _You can't just leave Riley up there to die! _ Ronnie screamed trapped within her mind unable to get her body to cooperate. "_Sorry, honey but Riley's collateral damage…I have a date with revenge." _ The demon replied, using her voice. It caused Ronnie to cringe at the hatred she heard in her own voice. _Revenge for what? I don't understand…what did we do to you? _ Ronnie screamed, willing her body to move with all her might. _Why don't you let me control my body? You let Riley…_ She demanded. "_Because soldier boy didn't know he was possessed…he just thought he was loosing his mind…you know and would mess everything up…so you stay there watching everything I'm gonna make you do…I want you to remember this night,"_** t**he demon sneered, leaving Ronnie to wonder what it was going to make her do as the telephone began to ring. _Please…you have to answer that…_ "_And why is that?"_ the demon asked sarcastically. _Because it might be Sam and if I don't answer he'll know there's something wrong and be on his guard when he comes in. _ Ronnie reasoned with the demon, though secretly she prayed that she'd be able to regain control of her body long enough to alert whoever was on the telephone that Riley needed assistance.

Reluctantly the demon commanded Ronnie's body to stand and walk the short distance to the telephone, as much as the demon hated to admit it, the girl was right. If it was the younger Winchester, it would definitely send up a red flag if she didn't answer the phone, especially given the girl's recent fragile state. _**It took long enough to wear down your barrier. **_ The demon thought begrudgingly. It knew she had other motives, for wanting to answer the telephone, but it had full control of her body so it wasn't worried.

"Hello?" she answered sounding sleepy, allowing for the obvious excuse that she'd been sleeping.

"Ms. Taylor, this is Dr. Kokis," the voice at the other end greeted and the demon could feel Ronnie's apprehension at the call.

"Hello Doctor…is…is everything okay?" she asked, laying the concern on thick.

"Actually, I have some good news," Dr. Kokis offered, pausing to clear his throat.

"Good news? Did you find a match?" Ronnie asked excitedly, not realizing that she'd momentarily seized control of her body until the demon had reasserted itself, pushing her farther into the recesses of her mind. _Please…don't …I want to know! _She begged the demon inside of her. For a moment the demon hesitated, but in the end conceded and allowed Ronnie to remain conscious.

"The results from the tests on Marylou's father and uncle came back quicker than expected," the doctor explained, drawing it out so much that the demon almost yelled into the telephone in anticipation. "It seems that Sam Winchester is a bone marrow match for her," he concluded.

"That's wonderful news!" the demon cheered with such enthusiasm, that it had Ronnie worried wondering why this news made the demon so happy. "So what happens next?"

"Well, I think we'll start chemotherapy next week to destroy any malignant cells…and then we'll be able to proceed with the transplant. So, you'll be able to take her home for the weekend and the chemotherapy should be possible on an out-patient basis."

"Have you told Dean, Lulu's father yet?"

"Why, no I haven't…is he here at the hospital? I thought you'd all be home tonight since we gave Marylou a sedative that should only wear off in the morning."

"Really? We weren't told…Dean went over after dinner to spend the night with her."

"I wasn't going to head over to see Marylou until the morning…but I can go over and give him the news," the doctor offered, sounding weary.

"No!" the demon said, so quickly it cringed at its overreaction. "I mean…it's not necessary…I'll let him know myself," it recovered, trying to sound calm.

"Very well, we'll talk more about the details for the transplant and her treatment in the morning then," the doctor replied, seeming unfazed by her outburst. Apparently, people reacted strangely to good news all the time. "Be sure to get some rest…the hardest part is coming up," he warned before they bid each other goodnight and Ronnie promised to rest.

_Why didn't you want the doctor to tell Dean? _ Ronnie questioned from within her mind as the demon led her body back to the darkened living room to await Sam's return. "_Oh, I thought you were smarter than that Kiki,"_ the demon chuckled evilly. "_I am happy you convinced me to answer that call!"_ It added, causing Ronnie to worry about just what it had planned. _God, don't let it hurt Lulu. _ She thought as she watched herself pick up the baseball bat that she kept around for protection and sit back down in the darkness beside the doorway. "_Don't worry I won't hurt her…at least not directly."___

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Sam absently stared up at the darkened house as he pulled up. He was still struggling to remember any detail from the vision to indicate when it would happen and why Dean would be holding a gun to Ronnie as she begged him to kill her. As he absently studied the set of keys Dean had given him, trying to remember which one was for the front door, he wondered if Ronnie was still sleeping. _I'll warm her dinner before I wake her, if she is sleeping. _ He decided as he slowly opened the door and felt for the light switch as he shut the door behind him, effectively blocking out the moonlight and plunging himself into utter darkness.

Finding that the light wasn't working, Sam felt his way toward the kitchen, trying to remember where things were placed. As he passed the living room doorway, lit only by a few shafts of moonlight that filtered through the curtains, he heard a rush of movement, without making out where it was coming from, until something connected violently with his head, sending a jarring pain through his brain as he crumpled to the ground. Staring up through blurred vision at Ronnie's malicious grin, he struggled to understand what was happening.

"Kiki…wha…what's?" he stammered as darkness crept into his field of vision and slowly enveloped him.

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"Ready to go?" Melanie chimed, popping her head into the door way. Dean slowly pulled his gaze from Lulu, to look her way. "She'll be fine…they'll find a match and she'll be as good as new," she assured, trying to ease the pain she saw in Dean's eyes.

"I…I hope so," he choked, looking back at Lulu before clearing his throat and bending to gently kiss her forehead. "I'll be here in the morning when you wake up I promise," he whispered, before quickly moving toward the door.

As they exited the hospital Dean pulled out his cell phone. Turning it on, he dialed Ronnie's number, wanting to let her know he was on his way. It rang several times, before Ronnie's answering machine finally picked up.

"Hey Kiki," he greeted, sounding weary. "I…uh I guess you're still asleep…so…well I just wanted to let you know I'm on my way," he stammered as Melanie gave him a disgruntled look, apparently unhappy that he was making the call. "They gave Lulu a sedative, so she won't be waking up during the night…and so I thought I'd take the opportunity…you know to spend more time, catching up with you…So I guess I'll see you soon."

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The demon ignored the telephone as it tied Sam to a kitchen chair, waiting for the answering machine to take the call. Listening as Dean stammered a message, the demon could feel Ronnie's hope and trepidation though it had pushed her farther to the back of her mind. It wanted her aware enough, to feel her suffering as she was either forced to hurt Sam or to watch Dean kill her to save Sam.

"Almost time for the show to begin Sammy…wakey wakey," the demon sneered. Ronnie could feel confidence the demon had in its plan that would be the perfect revenge for the pain that the Winchesters, especially Dean, had put it through.

"Ro…Ronnie? Wha…what's going on?" Sam asked groggily as he opened his eyes. His head was pounding as he tried to focus on Ronnie's form in the darkness. "Wha…why am I…tied to a…a chair?" he mumbled as he realized his predicament.

"Shhh…don't worry Sammy…you'll understand soon enough…I just wanted to be sure you were awake for the fun," the demon whispered as it gagged him with a dish cloth. "Wouldn't want you ruining the surprise for Dean, now would we."

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"Uh thanks for the ride…Melanie," Dean called, before slamming the passenger's door closed. _Man that had to be the most awkward car ride I've every had…_ Dean thought as he watched her speed away.He frowned as turned toward the house and noticed that all the lights were still out, yet Ronnie's car was parked in the driveway. _What the hell Sammy? _ He thought as he climbed the front stairs.

**End Notes:**

Ok so a bit of a build up…hope you are all still with me! If you are please let me know! I'll try to keep up this posting pace of a chapter every day or two…Remember show me you loved it…or tell me you hate it! Just please tell me something!


	16. Chapter 16

Painted on my Heart

**Painted on my Heart**

**By: gengen0776**

**Chapter 16**

Something didn't feel right to Dean as he stood at the front door. Groping for his gun and coming up empty, he remembered that he and Sam had left their weapons in the Impala. _It's probably nothing…_ His mind reasoned, but if there was one thing Dean had learnt in his life it was that there was no probably and that he should trust his gut. So, he quickly circled the house to where they'd parked the Impala and opened the trunk. As he studied the weapons there, contemplating which one to take, Dean noticed his knife was gone. He decided on his .45, wanting something that he could easily stow away if this was a false alarm. The last thing he wanted to do was go in with guns blazing and scare Ronnie.

Circling back to the front of the house, Dean tried the door, finding it unlocked his apprehension grew. _Would Sam have left it unlocked? _ He wondered as he entered the darkened house, the moonlight shining in from the front door behind him casting an eerie glow on everything. Closing the door behind him, he was plunged into complete darkness with only a faint light coming from under the swinging kitchen door. Slowly, he approached the door, hoping that for once his instincts were wrong, but the eerie quiet and total darkness within the house made it clear that he wasn't.

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A shiver of excitement ran down the demon's spine as it heard the front door quietly open. Pressing the knife to Sam's throat, it moved into the shadows, knowing that seeing his brother in danger Dean would not hesitate to save him. Not seeing who was holding the knife to his brother's neck would increase the chances that Dean would shoot first and ask questions later. Not the exact scenario the demon had in mind, but knowing the pain it would cause Dean was enough to make it satisfying nonetheless.

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Slowly, Dean pushed open the swinging door and surveyed the kitchen, finding it empty he entered and took a closer look. He noted that the dinner he'd made earlier still sat untouched on the table. _Where are they? _ He thought as his apprehension grew. _Maybe Ronnie's still asleep. _ His mind reasoned, but it still didn't explain where Sam was. Movement from out on the porch caught his eye as he moved to leave the kitchen. He was shocked to see Sam, sitting out there tied to a chair a gag in his mouth a look of horror on his face. Dean noticed the glint of metal as he approached and realized that Sam had a knife to his throat, his knife. _How the…who…? _ Dean was at a loss someone had gotten the jump on Sam and had managed to get a hold of his knife.

"Your first mistake was threatening Sam," Dean growled as he approached. Pushing the sliding glass door, he crossed out onto the porch, training his gun on the darkness behind Sam. "Your second was using my knife to do it," he added as he stopped a few feet away still unable to see who was behind his brother in the darkness, the moon having decided to hide at the opportune moment. As he leveled his gun at the shadows behind Sam, he heard his brother's muffled cry. Ticking his gaze down at his brother, he could see tears streaming down his face, causing him to hesitate as he wondered why his brother was crying. Was it Ronnie? Was she hurt or worse dead? When his gaze fell on the hand holding the knife the only visible part of Sam's attacker. _It can't be…_ Dean thought as he tried to understand what he was seeing. Why was the attacker wearing Ronnie's ring?

Seeing Dean's sudden hesitation, the demon looked down at the hand that held knife realizing what he was looking at. Resigned to the fact that Dean wouldn't be, shooting first and asking questions later the demon moved out of the shadows and instead relished in the look of horror that materialized on Dean's face. Grinning evilly, the demon waited for Dean to speak, delighting in the pained look in his eyes.

"Ro…Ronnie wha," Dean began, his voice hitching in his throat. "What're you doin'?" he asked, watching the grin on her face grow.

"Sorry, Ronnie's not available right now but if you'd like to leave a message I'll be sure she gets it," the demon mocked in a nasal receptionist voice. A wicked grin marred Ronnie's beautiful face as the demon watched Dean's horror grow. "Don't you recognize an old friend?" it teased as Ronnie's eyes flashed red, before quickly returning to their natural blue-green.

"You? But I already promised you my soul…what more do you want?"

"Oh Dean," the demon moaned, shaking Ronnie's head in mock disappointment. "You really thought there was just one of us?" It paused to allow Dean the time to figure out who it was.

"But I let you go…I kept my part of the deal," Dean reasoned, realizing that this was the crossroads demon he'd tricked into letting Evan Hudson, who had traded his soul to save his dying wife, out of his deal with it. The one he'd trapped in a devil's trap and threatened to exorcise if it didn't. _God this is my fault…Ronnie and Sam are in danger because of me…_ He thought, his heart clenching in his chest as he realized that there was little chance this situation would be resolved without someone he loved getting hurt.

"Do you know what your little deal cost me?" the demon demanded. "Do you have any idea what it's like to be mocked by EVERY demon you meet, because I was duped by a human the likes of you?"

"You shouldn't take it so personal…you're not the only one this human has duped," Dean replied, cockily before he could stop himself.

"Still cocky I see even with the deal you made…I'd have given you ten years…too bad you made me a laughing stock and got me exiled."

"Look, not that it isn't nice catching up with you and all," Dean began, his bravado going at full strength now. "But what's that got to do with this?" he asked, tilting his head her way.

"Oh this…" the demon replied with a smirk. "This is what I like to call payback's a bitch."

"Catchy…"

"Yeah, isn't it…so here's the deal you get to choose who lives," the demon began, pausing for Dean's reaction. "Will you shoot your beloved Kiki? Or will you let me kill Sam while you and Ronnie watch? Imagine…she'll have the memory of that moment etched in her mind forever."

The muscle in Dean's jaw twitched as he clenched it shut, leveling the gun at the demon inhabiting Ronnie's body. _I can't do this…I can't choose… He_ thought, his pained gaze ticking from his brother who continued to struggle against his bonds, to Ronnie who continued to press the knife to Sam's throat.

"So Dean what's it gonna be?"

"I…I can't…I won't choose…" Dean mumbled barely audible.

"What was that Dean?" the demon taunted. _Stop it! _ Ronnie screamed locked within her mind. _Just kill me! Sam has to live…he's the only one who can help Lulu. _ "Oh wait Ronnie has something to say that might help you to decide." _**Go ahead tell him our good news! **_

Dean watched as Ronnie's expression changed, her face filled with pain, her eyes brimming with tears. "Dean," she whispered her voice sounded strained as though it took great effort for her to talk. "You…you have to save S-Sam."

"Ronnie no…I…"

"Please Dean…he's a match…the doctor called…Sam's a bone marrow match…he's Lulu's only chance…" Tears flowed freely down her cheeks as she watched her words sink in.

"No," Dean breathed, his gun wavering as he struggled to blink back the tears, forming in his eyes.

"Please, Dean…shoot me…it's…it's the only way," she begged as Dean scrubbed his free hand across his face his anguish over the situation palpable.

"No…I…I…can't," Dean stammered his voice thick with emotion. "There has to be another way."

"Sorry, Dean, old buddy, but there really isn't much of a choice…it's either Sam or Ronnie," the demon reminded, taking full control back from Ronnie and forcing her back into the recesses of her mind. "So what's it gonna be?"

Dean hesitated, momentarily praying that an idea would come to him, that he would find another way to resolve this situation, but he knew Ronnie would never forgive him if something happened to Sam. _…he's Lulu's only chance…_ her words echoed in his mind as he blinked back the tears, welling in his eyes. "I'm sorry," Dean whispered, his voice hitching as he pulled the trigger.

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Sam watched in horror as the scene from his vision unfolded. He prayed that Dean would find a way out of this situation, without anyone getting hurt. But even as he prayed, he knew it was hopeless. He struggled against his bonds, hoping they would loosen enough to allow him to free himself, but to no avail. The demon had been meticulous and the bonds held. All he could do was watch. As the demon allowed Ronnie to speak Sam suddenly understood her plea from his vision. The choice was clear to her; she had to die so that Lulu could be saved. _No! Dean! You can't kill her! Who will take care of Lulu? Who will she have when this is all over and the demon comes to collect your debt? _ Sam thought frantically as he watched Dean agonize over the decision he was being forced to make.

"I'm sorry," Dean whispered as Sam watched in disbelief as he pulled the trigger.

"NO!" Sam screamed against his gag. The muffled sound mixed with his panting breaths as he watched Ronnie fall as if in slow motion to the ground beside him.

The gun clattered to the ground as Dean moved toward him a defeated look on his face, silent tears coursing down his cheeks. Without a word, he untied Sam then slowly moved to Ronnie's motionless form. Sam quickly circled around to Ronnie's other side, hoping upon hope that she was still alive and that all wasn't lost.

"She's still alive!" Sam cried softly as he felt her neck for a pulse. "Her pulse is strong," he added with a hopeful gaze at his brother.

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Hearing Sam's hopeful words broke Dean's heart. "It's the demon…it's keeping her alive," he whispered as he stared down at the beautiful calm face of the only woman he'd ever allowed himself to love. _I'm sorry Ronnie…this is all my fault…_

"D-Dean," her soft whisper fluttered up to his ears. "It's…it's still inside me."

"I know," he replied simply, without meeting her gaze. "But it's the only thing keeping you alive," he added his voice barely audible as he considered what to do, every avenue leading to Ronnie's certain death.

"Sa-Sam," Ronnie gasped.

"I'm here Kiki," Sam replied quickly, seeing the effort it took her to speak.

"Ri-Riley…he's…he's upstairs…"

"He's upstairs? Is he hurt?" Sam asked rapidly, watching as she nodded in response.

"The…master bath…room…plea—"

"I'll go check on him right away," Sam interrupted, moving hurriedly back to the house, leaving Dean alone to deal with Ronnie.

"Dean…the demon…y-you have to…exorcise it," Ronnie pleaded, wishing he would look at her. With great effort she lifted her hand to gently touch his face.

Feeling Ronnie's gentle touch on his cheek, Dean tore his gaze away from the bloody wound in her abdomen that he'd caused. "You'll die," he breathed, without meeting her gaze as his vision blurred from the tears welling in his eyes.

"Dean…I-I can't hold on to it…not much longer," she whispered her breath labored. "I'll die either way…please…I need you t-to send it back…to hell," she pleaded her voice thick with emotion as she was overcome with an unbearable sadness in knowing that she'd never see her daughter again. "Please…"

Meeting her gaze, Dean could see the sadness and determination in Ronnie's eyes. Who was he to deny her this last request? "I-I have to get my dad's journal in the car…can you hold on?" Ronnie shook her head.

"Take me…to the… the barn…the key," Ronnie paused, her face blanching as she clenched her teeth, the demon fighting for control. "It's hanging—"

"On the hook, beside the telephone, in the kitchen," Dean interjected as he scooped her up into his arms as gently as he could, trying not to cause her more pain than he already had, and hurried into the kitchen to grab the key. Without hesitating, he rushed back out onto the porch and down the steps, cutting across the grass on his way to the barn. He knew Ronnie's grandfather had used it to keep his hunting-related things and he remembered when Jack had shown him around, showing him the key of Solomon on the ceiling of the barn as you entered. He'd explained that it could trap demons and therefore protect whoever was in the barn from any evil intruders of the demonic kind. Dean knew this was why Ronnie wanted him to bring her there, that it would keep the demon trapped until it could be exorcised. Somehow, he managed to unlock the padlock on barn one-handed despite Ronnie's gasped protests that she could stand. He flicked on the light on, quickly scanned the area for a chair, noticing that there was a thin layer of dust on everything as he pulled it under where the key of Solomon had been drawn on the ceiling.

"Y-you need to tie me," Ronnie insisted, watching as he found some rope hanging against the wall and tied her wrists and ankles to the chair where she sat slumped, blood flowing at an alarming rate from the wound in her side.

"Are you sure about this?" Dean asked, turning away from her pained features as he searched the table top beside the door for the ritual text. _I should know this by heart by now…_ He thought as he found it in its original Latin. When Ronnie didn't reply he turned back to see the evil grin had returned to mar her beautiful features, signaling that the demon had regained control.

"If you do that your girlfriend's gonna die," it taunted as it struggled against the ropes that bound it.

"You'll leave her to die anyway," Dean replied dryly, without meeting the demon's eyes, not wanting his last memory of Ronnie's eyes to be filled with cruelty and hatred. "So, I'm granting her, her dying wish…to send you packin' back to hell," Dean replied as he paused to clear his throat. "Deus, et Pater Domini nosrti Jesu Christi, invoco nomen sanctum tuum, et clementiam tuam supplex exposco ut adversus hunc, et omnem immundum spiritum, qui vexat hoc plasma tuum. Mihi auxilium prastare igneris. Per eumdem Dominum. Amen…Exorcizo te…."

Sam found Riley's still form, lying on the wet bathroom floor. Quickly rushing over to his side, Sam felt for a pulse. Riley's skin felt cool under Sam's fingers as he pressed them to the man's neck, finding a weak pulse Sam checked him for injuries. There were no outward signs of injury but Sam knew that didn't mean there weren't any. Sam suddenly wondered how long the demon had been possessing Riley. The demon had mentioned exile did that mean it had been in him since Iraq? Pushing those thoughts out of his mind, Sam considered what to do, wondering if he should call an ambulance. _It could get here in time to save Ronnie…_ His hopeful mind offered as he pulled his cell phone from his pocket and began to dial 911. He hesitated a moment, wondering how he and Dean would be able to explain away the scene when the police arrived inevitably to a 911 call for a gunshot wound. _We'll deal with that when they get here…_ He thought, knowing the longer he waited the worse Ronnie's already precarious situation would become. As he moved to press send he heard Ronnie's pained scream pierce through the night.

Sam's stomach upended as he hurried out the door and down the stairs to see what was happening. _Oh God…_ He thought as he entered the kitchen. _It's too late…_ The thought cut through him like a knife, causing his breath to catch in his throat. Crossing out onto the porch, he found a large blood stain where Ronnie had been a few moments before. Ronnie screamed again longer and more heart-wrenching than before as he searched the yard for where she might be and noticed the door to the barn lay open. Spurred on, he hurried toward the open door, stopping dead at its threshold as he took in the excruciating scene before him.

Ronnie screamed in anguish, causing Dean's heart to clench so tightly in his chest he could barely breathe, but he continued to read undeterred. He had to exorcise this demon, to send it back to hell for what it had done to Ronnie.

"D-Dean…pl-please…st-stop…pl-please…" He heard Ronnie gasp through labored breaths. "It…h-hurts…so…m-much…"

Dean tried to ignore the plea, knowing the demon was playing him, trying to use his feelings for Ronnie to get him to stop the exorcism. "You're not Ronnie," Dean responded through clenched teeth as he forced himself not to look up from the book but instead to continue reading from it. He knew if he looked into Ronnie's pained eyes, he wouldn't be able to bring himself to finish what had to be done. "Reced ergo in nomine Patrus et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti: da locum Spiritui Sancto, per hoc signum sanctae Crucis Jesu Christi Domini nostri: Qui cum Patre et eodem Spiritu Sancto vivit et regnat Deus, per omnia saecula saeculorum…Amen…"

Dean's knees buckled beneath him as Ronnie screamed again. Then an oppressive silence fell upon them as Dean forced himself to look at Ronnie. Sitting deathly still, slumped in the chair he'd tied her to, her chin lolling against her chest. Crawling weakly to her, Dean felt as though his life were draining away with every drop of blood that spilt from her. He knelt at her feet, laying his head on her lap as he began to sob, tears flowing profusely down his cheeks. He heard the sound of footsteps approaching, knowing it was Sam but unable to move. He wasn't ready to let Ronnie go. "Kiki…I-I'm sorry," he breathed as he closed his eyes. "I should have been able to save you."

**End notes:**

Ok so big action chapter here! Let me know what you think! Am I evil? Do you hate me? LOL hey yell, curse, applaud…just review please and let me know…the next chapter should be up in a day or so!


	17. Chapter 17

Painted on my Heart

**Painted on my Heart**

**By: gengen0776**

**Chapter17**

Sam watched as his brother broke down and was barely able to keep it together himself. He refused to believe that Ronnie was gone. He refused to believe that yet another demon had left a child without a mother. _And in a few months she won't even have a father, _ he thought as he approached the chair, where Dean knelt sobbing at Ronnie's feet. Gently, he brushed Ronnie's hair away from her neck and felt for a pulse. His heart leapt in his chest as he was surprised by the faint pulse he felt.

"She's alive," he breathed, barely audibly, as he struggled to find his voice. "Dean…she's alive!" Sam touched his brother's shoulder, gesturing for Dean, who was staring up at him in disbelief, to check for himself. Quickly standing, Dean replaced Sam's fingers with his own, feeling nothing at first, but then as he paid closer attention he felt it, just barely.

"Kiki!" Dean cried as he hurriedly untied her hands and feet. "You stay with me…you hear me…we're gonna get you to the hospital and…and you'll be alright."

"I'll get Riley and meet you at the car," Sam called as he hurried out of the barn back to the house.

Dean barely noticed as he tenderly lifted Ronnie's broken form from the chair. Her head lolled against his chest as he carried her out of the barn towards the car, whispering hurried words of reassurance that as they went.

Carefully balancing her weight on his left arm, Dean pulled open the back door of the Impala and eased Ronnie inside, before sliding in beside her. He laid her head on his lap, smoothing back the long dark hair that had fallen in her face. Sam returned, fireman carrying, a still unconscious, Riley and sliding him into the passenger seat with some difficulty as Dean continued to mumble the words that had now become his mantra.

"D…Dean…" Ronnie breathed her voice barely audible above the roar of the Impala's motor. Her eyes fluttered open, struggling to focus before they fluttered closed again.

"I'm here Kiki, you just hang on…hang on to me Kiki…" Dean whispered frantic for her to open her eyes again but she didn't.

"I…I love you…" A sad smile crept across her lips as she sighed, her head lolling to the side as she slid back into unconsciousness.

"Kiki," Dean sobbed, his breath hitching as his fingers slid to Ronnie's throat to check for a pulse and found none.

"We need some help over here!" Sam yelled as they entered the hospital emergence room, each brother carrying his charge.

"Please…she's not breathing," Dean sobbed as an orderly took Ronnie from his arms and laid her on a gurney. Dean watched helplessly as she was immediately surrounded by doctors and nurses who began to work on her.

"I can't find a pulse!"

"She stopped breathing!"

"Code blue, start CPR STAT!"

Dean stared numbly as they wheeled Ronnie away, longing to follow, to demand they let him stay with her, but instead he watched from a distance as they worked on her.

He felt himself being led away as he strained to hear the scene that now lay beyond his view. He turned to find Sam, leading him, with his hand firmly on Dean's shoulder, toward the waiting room, his face pinched as his eyebrows knitted with worry.

"She'll be alright…they're gonna take care of her," Sam reassured as they dropped into two empty seats side by side. Dean nodded absently as he stared at the emergency room doors, beyond which he knew Ronnie lay dying.

Before long, the local sheriff arrived, with his deputy in tow, to question them about what had happened. Taking them to a deserted examination room away from prying eyes, the sheriff left his deputy outside with instructions that they were not to be interrupted.

"I'm Sheriff Fife," introduced the lawman. "Can you boys tell me what happened?" The sheriff asked, looking from one brother to the other. Sam nodded, looking to Dean, who nodded back. The sadness and pain in Dean's eyes, making it clear to Sam that he was in no shape to make up a story about what had happened.

"The house was dark, so we thought Ronnie was still asleep--"

"Look, I know you boys probably have something rehearsed by now, being who you are—"

"W-Who we are?" Sam asked, looking nervously from the sheriff to Dean, noting his brother's lack of reaction. He sat next to Sam, looking defeated, as though he was ready to accept his fate, and Dean Winchester didn't believe in fate. "W-What do you mean?" Sam fished, hoping to talk his way out of any trouble, if only long enough to know that Ronnie was alright.

"Why John Winchester's boys, of course," Sheriff Fife replied, sounding amused. "You boys are hunters like your father, aren't ya?"

"Y-you knew our Dad?" Sam stammered, noting that the sheriff's unexpected words had even gotten Dean's attention. Sam gave Dean a meaningful look that said "what do you think?" to which, Dean simply shrugged. Sheriff Fife chuckled at their reaction.

"Jack Taylor introduced us a few years back," Fife explained. "They were working on a werewolf case together, I think."

"Y-you know what we do?"

Sheriff Fife continued to laugh at the boys' reaction. "Yeah, I helped Jack out on a couple of hunts." He paused, studying them a moment his face becoming serious as he continued. "Enough about that boys, you've gotten yourself in a mess of trouble….Now I need you to tell me what really happened."

The sheriff listened intently as Sam wove the tale of how Ronnie had been possessed and taken Sam hostage. He went on to explain how the demon had put Dean in an impossible situation of having to choose between him and Ronnie. Then how it had allowed Ronnie to speak to tell Dean about Sam being a bone marrow match for Lulu and how she'd begged him to shoot her to save Lulu. He finished, by telling Fife about the exorcism and how they'd rushed Riley and Ronnie to the hospital.

Nodding solemnly, the sheriff sighed sadly. "Okay, I'll prepare statements stating that you found Ronnie and Riley injured at the house when you arrived."

"But…what about Riley…I mean who knows what Riley remembers," Sam countered, knowing the conflicting stories could get the sheriff into trouble, not to mention bring the feds around.

"You just let me take care of Riley and you boys take care of Jack's girls." Sheriff Fife insisted as he slipped on his hat and moved towards the door. "I'll talk to you boys later." He turned and paused with his hands on the door knob. "So, what alias should I use on those statements?" A mischievous grin spread across the lawman's face as he waited for their response.

Their visit with the sheriff h ad left Dean even more despondent as they returned to the waiting room. It was as though he were disappointed that the sheriff hadn't arrested him. What seemed like hours later, a stern-looking, dark-haired woman in scrubs exited the emergency room and moved towards them. She stared down at the clipboard, containing the paperwork Sam had filled out earlier as they'd waited.

"Mr. Winchester?" She began, looking up from the paper work and ticking her gaze from brother to brother. Dean nodded unable to speak as he steeled himself for the news that the woman he loved was dead. "I'm Doctor Forestell," the woman introduced, her gaze meeting his momentarily. Her eyes were filled with compassion and empathy, allowing Dean to see beyond her stern exterior.

"Doctor how is she? Is she gonna be alright?" Sam interjected, sitting at the edge of his seat, his body tense with apprehension as he readied himself to offer Dean his support.

"Well, her spleen was ruptured by the bullet, but it doesn't seem to have caused any other damage. She's been sent up to the OR to remove the bullet and her spleen, and to assess was any further damage caused by the bullet." Doctor Forestell paused, allowing the information to sink in before she continued.

"S-so she's gonna be alright, then?" Dean stared up at her his moist eyes lit up with hope.

"I'm confident she'll make a full recovery," the doctor replied, giving Dean a reassuring smile as she spoke. Dean studied her for a moment, trying to decide if the smile was sincere, but he reminded himself that she couldn't really lie. _If Ronnie wasn't gonna make it she'd have to tell us…or at least say they were doing everything they could…_ Dean's mind reasoned as he forced a tight lipped smile at the doctor, watching her walk away.

When the doctor was out of earshot, Sam turned to Dean with a relieved smile. "See Dean, I told you she'd be alright." Sam grinned as he smacked Dean's back affectionately. When Dean turned his gaze toward him his smile quickly evaporated, seeing the guilt and sadness still etched on Dean's features. "Dean this wasn't your fault."

"Wasn't it? If I hadn't of pissed off that demon…I mean I shot her Sammy…the mother of my child…I-I shot her."

"Dean you had no choice!"

"There's always a choice." Dean turned away from his brother, without replying as he stared out the window as the sky began to lighten.

"I'm gonna go see how Riley's doin," Sam mumbled as he walked away, knowing nothing he could say would relieve his brother of the guilt he felt.

Dean watched his brother walk away, knowing he was right. The situation hadn't left him with any other choice, but it didn't make the guilt fall away to know he'd shot Ronnie to save Sam, even if it was also to save Lulu. _I could have shot her in the leg…_ yet he knew the demon probably would have laughed it off. _And that would have given it time to kill Sam…_

Dean stared out the window, without seeing the sunrise that morning as his mind kept arguing both sides of the situation.

Sam paused at the entrance of the waiting room, upon his return from checking on Riley. Riley was stable, but unconscious, he was told and his doctor promised to notify Sam of any change. Relieved that Riley's run in with the demon had left him more or less intact, Sam studied his older brother as he stared out the window. Dean's face was the same neutral mask he'd worn after their father's death and Sam knew that meant that Dean was still convinced the whole situation was his fault. _If only you'd told him Dad…how different would our lives have been? How much happier would Dean have been?_ Forcing his what if thoughts to the back of his mind, Sam struggle to find a way to help Dean through this.

"Hey, Riley's stable, but still unconscious" he informed quietly as his brother turned to look at him with red rimmed eyes. Sam forced himself to look away, to look out the window at the sunrise. _Lulu!_ He thought, the sunrise reminding him of his promise that Dean would be there when she awoke. "Dean you've gotta go see Lulu." Sam's eyes met Deans again, the despair he saw in their depths causing his heart to clench painfully in his chest.

"What? No…I…she can't see me like this," Dean stammered, gazing down at the black shirt he wore, knowing more than seeing that it was stained with Ronnie's blood.

"Dean I promised her you'd be there when she woke up."

Dean stared at his brother, with pleading eyes, he wanted nothing more than to spend time with his daughter, but he knew she would inevitably ask him where her mother was and Dean didn't know how he would answer. _How do I tell my daughter that her mother is lying on the operating table because I shot her to get to the demon inside of her? _

"Just tell her that Ronnie got hurt and that the doctors are gonna fix her up and have her as good as new and she'll see her very soon."

Dean stared at Sam in disbelief, wondering if his brother now possessed the power to read minds. _Come on Winchester keep it together, he's your brother he knows you well enough to know what you're thinking…Now suck it up and go spend sometime with your daughter…_ Noticing the voice in his head sounded strangely like his father, Dean nodded at Sam as he slowly stood. "I'll just go get washed up…do you…can you get me a clean shirt from the car?" He asked, watching a look of relief wash over Sam's face as he nodded and headed out of the waiting room. Dean headed to the front desk and forced a smile at the woman sitting there as she spoke to someone on her headset.

"Can I help you?" She asked, politely returning his smile, after putting the person she'd been speaking to on hold.

"Ummm…Marisa," Dean began, glancing at the woman's name tag as he spoke. "I was wondering if there was somewhere I could get cleaned up?" He held up his arms, showing her the dried blood on his hands and arms. "See my daughter's upstairs and—"

"You're little girl was hurt too? You poor, poor man," she cooed, giving him her best sympathetic look and Dean found himself wondering if she'd spent time rehearsing it in the mirror. "There's a washroom down the hall." She pointed, her blood red manicured, finger to her left, giving him a reassuring smile before returning to her phone call.

Dean turned on the hot water, letting it run he waited for it to get hot. As steam began to rise from the sink, he hazarded a glance at himself in the mirror. Studying his haggard appearance, he avoided looking into the eyes that were reflected back at him, afraid of the broken man he would see if he did. He cringed as he placed his hands beneath the, now scalding, water, slowly scrubbing the blood from his hands and arms. He ignored the pain the heat of the water caused him, thinking of it as penance for what he'd done to Ronnie. Forced into the situation or not, he couldn't forgive himself for shooting her. _Lulu… __the_ one word brought unwelcome tears to Dean's eyes as he thought of how he'd nearly left her motherless and how she would soon be fatherless again in less than a year.

"Dean?" Sam's worried voice drifted him to through the locked bathroom door.

"Y-Yeah Sammy I'm almost done," he called, his voice hitching, as a sob escaped his lips. There had been this whole life here, waiting for him, that he'd never known existed for over four years and now he was a part of it for just two days and it was already in shambles. _I'm cursed…_ he thought as he quickly scrubbed the rest of the dried blood from his hands. _We're all cursed, all the Winchester men…Dad lost mom…Sam lost Jessica and Madison…and now I'm doomed to lose Kiki and Lulu…_ Once the water ran clear from his hands and arms, Dean proceeded to peel the blood soaked shirt from his body, placing it under the scalding water, rinsing and ringing it out a few times until the water ran pretty clear and then using it as a wash cloth to cleanse his chest and abdomen of the dried blood that lay there. Closing the tap, he watched the bloody water drain away, before turning toward the door. Quickly wiping the tears from his eyes, Dean plastered on a forced smile as he prepared to go see his daughter, needing to be strong for her.

Sam returned Dean's smile with one of his own as he handed him a clean shirt. "Ready?" Sam asked as Dean pulled on the shirt.

"No…but my daughter needs me…" Dean pushed past Sam walking purposefully towards the elevators as Sam stared after him, searching for something to say, something to reassure his brother that things would be okay.

**End notes:**

Ok, so am I a little less evil? Let me know! Please! I am totally addicted to reviews and have been in severe withdrawal…so take a second and drop me a line and I promise to respond…even if you hated it! Tell me why! I'd love some constructive criticism if anyone has any! ;)


	18. Chapter 18

**Painted on my Heart**

**By: gengen0776**

**Chapter 18**

After a quick stop at the nurses' station on Lulu's floor, where he was informed that she was still asleep, Dean stood at her door, taking a moment to compose himself before he entered. Taking a few shaky breaths, Dean combed a hand through his hair and across his haggard face. He quietly entered the room and sat in the chair next to her bed, watching as she continued to sleep, blissfully unaware that somewhere in the hospital her mother was being operated on. Sighing deeply, Dean noticed Lulu's eyes flutter open as a smile crept across her face at the sight of him, sitting there.

"Daddee! Ucle Sammee was right!"

Dean smiled despite himself at her infectious grin and the awe in her voice that Sam had been right. "What was he right about?" he asked playfully.

"He sayed that you would be here when I wokeded up." Her grin faltered slightly as she scanned the room and found no one else there. Dean steeled himself for the question he'd been dreading. "Daddee…where's Mommee?"

"Uh…your mom…she…there was um…an accident and she…she got hurt…last night…so…"

"Mommee has an owee?" Dean nodded, taking a shaky breath not trusting himself to speak for a moment as he noted the worried expression on Lulu's face. "But they're gonna make her ALL better?" Lulu chimed hopefully.

"Uh…Yeah…" Dean replied, relief washing over him at how easy Lulu had made it for him. "We'll go see her later…if your doctor says it's okay." Lulu nodded vigorously in response. A long silence fell upon them, during which, Lulu studied him intently as though he were a shiny new toy, leaving Dean feeling exposed.

"Daddee?" she whispered after a long moment, waiting for him to meet her gaze before she continued. "Your eyes look sad," Lulu replied, her beautiful young face filled with trepidation. "Is it 'cause Mommee's got an owee?" Her question struck a cord and Dean was hard pressed to hold back the tears, threatening to flow. He forced a sad smile her way, giving her a small nod as he quickly wiped away the tears that betrayed his composure.

"Yeah, honey…I-I don't like to see your mom h-hurt," he replied, his voice hitching as he stifled a sob. _Way to go Winchester…break down in front of your daughter…I'm sure it's very reassuring. _

"But she'll be okay… right Daddee?"

"Yeah sweetie," Dean smiled reassuringly as he continued. "She'll be fine…" _I hope. _

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Sam sat in the waiting room, nervously drumming his fingers on his thigh, periodically stopping as he realized he was bothering other people waiting in the room, only to start up again. He nearly jumped to his feet as he saw Doctor Forestell broach the doorway. "Doctor," he greeted apprehensively, upon seeing her expression.

"Mister Winchester…where is your brother?" Doctor Forestell scanned the room, before turning back to Sam.

"He…uh…he had to go—"

"I see…so he had somewhere more important to be did he?" The doctor asked, her voice tinged with sarcasm. She was obviously unimpressed that Dean hadn't remained to await news about Ronnie's condition.

"His daughter," Sam replied curtly, letting the doctor know that it was imprudent of her to assume things. "She's upstairs in the children's wing."

"I…well…I had no idea she'd been hurt too," Doctor Forestell stammered.

"She wasn't," Sam corrected bluntly. "She's being treated for Leukemia…or she will be now that they know what's wrong with her." Sam watched as the doctor's expression changed and she nervously fidgeted with her clipboard. "So, are you going to tell me about Ronnie?"

"Oh …Y-yes of course" Doctor Forestell stammered, pausing to clear her throat and regain her composure. She went on to inform him that though Ronnie's heart had stopped twice on the operating table, the operation had gone smoothly.

"Can we see her?" Sam asked when the doctor had finished.

"I see no reason for that to be a problem, the anesthesia should be wearing off shortly," the doctor replied wearily. "Her vitals are strong, however because she flat-lined twice we're keeping her on a heart monitor and oxygen as a precaution. If there are no further complications, we'll remove her from them tomorrow," Doctor Forestell added, giving him a tired, but reassuring smile as she moved to leave.

"Thanks…uh Doctor?" Sam waited until the doctor turned wearily back to him, before continuing. "What room is she in?"

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Sam arrived at Lulu's door as her doctor was leaving. He smiled wearily as he entered the room to find Lulu, excitedly telling Dean about all the things she wanted to show him when they got home. Father and daughter turned to look at him expectantly and Sam noticed a dark shadow creep over Dean's face as Sam forced a smile. Lulu didn't seem to notice as she greeted Sam with an enamored smile.

"Ucle Sammee! You was right…Daddee was here when I wokeded up!"

Sam's weariness melted away as his niece's infectious grin fell on him. "Well, I knew your Dad wouldn't miss that gorgeous smile of yours for the world, and he wanted to be the first one to see it this morning."

"You know what, Ucle Sammee?" Lulu asked, barely able to keep still.

"What?"

"The doctor sayed that I can go home!"

"That's great honey!" Sam replied. Sam knew her road to recovery was just beginning and that with the chemotherapy she'd be receiving, things would probably get worse before they got better, but at that moment he was genuinely happy to see her feeling better.

"After you eat breakfast and he checks all your vitals to make sure you're ready," Dean reminded, his voice sounding like a strained mixture of happiness and overwhelming sadness all in one.

"Uh, Lulu, I need to talk to your Daddy for a minute okay?" Sam watched as Lulu nodded, her grin faltering slightly.

"Is it about Mommee's owee?"

"A little…but there's a few grown up things I need to talk to him about okay, honey?" Again Lulu nodded, her fingers absently tugging at the ears of her bunny as she watched Dean move toward the door.

"We'll be right outside if you need us okay?" Dean mumbled as he pulled the door closed behind him. "Is she…Is Ronnie?" Dean stammered as his happy façade crumbled, under the overwhelming sadness of the whole situation.

"She's fine…in the ICU…" Sam assured, going on the reiterate what the doctor had told him.

"Thank God," Dean sighed. Sam watched as relief washed across his brother's face as he realized Ronnie was going to be all right. Yet, as their eyes met Sam could still see the pain and guilt Dean felt. Sam knew it would be a long time before Dean forgave himself for choosing to shoot Ronnie, even if the situation hadn't left him much of a choice.

Sam nervously cleared his throat as he spoke again, "Listen Dean, I know Lulu's gonna want to see her mom," Sam paused, searching for a way to convey his concern without causing his brother more pain. "But, I think you should hold off until tomorrow when they take her off all those machines. It might be—"

Dean nodded, knowing Sam was right. There was no telling how traumatic, seeing her mom in the hospital might be for Lulu, but seeing her hooked up to all those machines would be downright scary. "Sam c-could you stay with Lulu for a bit? There's something I want to take care of before we bring her home."

Understanding registered on Sam's face, he knew Dean wanted to go back to the house and clean the mess they'd left behind. _A pool of blood on the porch is definitely not something we want Lulu seeing when she gets home. _"I'll take care of it, Dean. You stay here with Lulu."

"But it's my mess to…" Dean's voice trailed off as he noted the resolve in Sam's eyes.

"She needs you right now," Sam assured as he met his brother's eyes. "I've got this Dean." _It's my turn to take care of you. _Sam's heart clenched as he recalled how his brother had quickly and expertly cleaned all signs of their presence away from Madison's apartment, while Sam sat numbly staring at her lifeless form. _I owe you_ Pushing away the guilt and pain he still felt over the fact he'd been unable to save Madison, Sam hurried to the elevator at the end of the hall, without looking back. Relief washed over him, when the doors immediately opened.

Dean watched his brother hurry away, wanting to stop him, but knowing from his determined gait that Sam wouldn't be swayed. Dean stared after him as the elevator door slide closed. Again, he scrubbed a hand across his haggard face, before plastering on a smile and returning to his daughter.

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Sam returned to the hospital shortly after lunch, looking exhausted though he'd taken the time to shower and change before returning. He'd done all he could to erase the physical signs of what had happened the night before, scrubbing the blood from the porch and cleaning the master bathroom and the barn. He'd even cleared the food and dishes from the night's forgotten dinner. Though Sam knew no amount of scrubbing could erase what had happened, he hoped to help by diminishing the things that could trigger the hurtful memories that lurked within Dean's heart. _Yeah right, Dean let something go…not likely. _

Before heading up to meet Dean and Lulu, Sam decided to stop at the ICU to see if there had been any change in Ronnie's condition. Smiling wearily, Sam approached the nurse's station. "Hi," he greeted the woman sitting at the desk. She greeted him with a smile as she looked up from the paperwork she'd been working on.

"Can I help you?"

"Uh, yes, I just wanted to check on how a patient is doing," Sam explained as he scanned the corridor for any sign of her doctor. "Ronnie, I mean Veronika Taylor," he offered as she looked up at him expectantly.

"She's stable, but still unconscious," the nurse informed with a frown.

"Is something wrong?" Sam asked nervously, noticing the nurse's reaction.

"No, not at all…it's just the doctors expected her to be awake by now," the nurse explained. "But there's no reason to worry, it's not an easy thing to predict." The nurse smiled reassuringly at Sam.

Sam considered what the nurse had told him as he approached Lulu's room. He paused at her door and took a deep breath, forcing his most convincing smile for his niece's benefit. His smile quickly faded as he found the room empty. Hurrying back out of the room, he turned back towards the nurse's station, but stopped abruptly, hearing Lulu's excited voice coming from the opposite direction. As he moved toward her animated voice punctuated by short fits of giggling, Sam couldn't help but smile. Even with everything she'd been through and facing down a potentially fatal disease she never lost her smile.

Approaching the doorless room, he heard the musical sound of Lulu's laughter mingled with that of other children. He entered the playroom to find Lulu, sitting in a wheelchair with a mound of stuffed animals on her lap and Dean pushing her around to the other kids. He watched as Lulu softly spoke to a shy looking little boy with dark hair and dark circles under his eyes. Lulu contemplated the pile of stuffed toys on her lap for a moment, before handing him a stuffed brown bear. She smiled and gave a reassuring nod as the boy hesitated to take the bear. "He's a good bear you'll see," she assured when he finally accepted the toy. Sam observed the interaction between Lulu and the boy with a smile as he realized Lulu was giving away the stuffed animals he'd seen on her dresser. Dean wheeled Lulu to the next child both, turning to face Sam as though suddenly sensing his presence.

"Ucle Sammeee!" Lulu greeted with unkempt enthusiasm.

"Hey there, princess," he greeted as he moved toward her and Dean. "You ready to blow this Popsicle stand?" Sam winked as he leaned in and kissed her forehead.

"Just two more friends to give away," Lulu explained, motioning to the two stuffed animals on her lap. Sam looked up at Dean, who stood grinning down at his daughter. Sam could tell Dean was proud that she was sharing what she had with kids who weren't so lucky, kids like they had been.

"Okay, I'll just wait here," Sam declared, watching Dean wheel Lulu toward the only two children, not holding stuffed animals.

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It was a little over an hour later when they pulled up in front of Ronnie's house. Lulu, who had begun the car ride home excitedly pointing out all the places she knew, had fallen asleep within ten minutes of leaving the hospital. Each lost in their respective thoughts, both brothers were silent the rest of the way back to the house. Dean gently extracted Lulu from her car seat in the back of the car and carried her into the house. Lulu stirred a little, nestling her face against Dean's neck as he stood at the door, waiting for Sam to unlock it.

Once inside, Dean carried her up to her room where he one-handedly rid the bed of its colony of stuffed animals and lay her down. He carefully removed her shoes and tucked her under the covers as Sam watched from the doorway where he held the stuffed bunny that had once been his.

"Here, she'll want this." Sam smiled weakly as he stepped into the room and handed it to Dean, who in turn nestled the toy next to Lulu under the covers.

"Look, Sammy, it's been a long day we should probably get some rest before dinner," Dean suggested as he moved toward Ronnie's bedroom. Sam nodded wearily, rubbing his eyes as he moved toward the guest room next to Lulu's.

"Should I set the alarm on my cell phone?" he asked. Dean shrugged, wondering if Lulu would wake them in a few hours or if they would have to wake her to eat some dinner.

"May as well," Dean mumbled wearily as he entered the bedroom and was reminded of the events of the night before. Struggling to separate the beautiful act that had taken place earlier in the evening from the horror that had followed his return, Dean threw himself down onto the bed and breathed the softly dissipating scent of Ronnie's perfume on her pillow. Closing his eyes, he pushed away the images of her bloodied form and forced himself to remember the satiny feel of her skin against his as they'd made love.

**End notes:**

**Ok so not quite as evil as I thought…lol I'm a sucker for a happy ending…just gotta put the boys through the ringer a bit…Let me know if you agree! To those of you, who have taken the time to review, THANK YOU! Those who haven't yet, please, please let me know what you think! Reviews are like water to me! I'm dyin' here! LOL**


	19. Chapter 19

_**Painted on my Heart**_

_**By: gengen0776**_

**Chapter 19**

Ronnie motionless body gave no hint of her inner struggle. Though her wall had somehow survived the events of the night before, it was severely damaged in many places. Allowing the thoughts and feelings of people around her to seep into her mind and threaten to overwhelm her. Mentally as well as physically, she needed to rebuild her defenses. It was like a vicious circle, she needed to get away from all these people, but to do that she needed to get out of the hospital and that required that she at the very least open her eyes; which she couldn't do until her wall was back up. She carefully searched among the mounting voices for Dean's troubled thoughts. She knew he must be blaming himself for the whole situation and how pained he must feel, over having to shoot her. She knew his guilt, though potentially dangerous to her, would act like a beacon to lead her back to him, but she couldn't find it. Cautiously, she searched instead for the familiar feeling of her daughter, hoping that when she could focus on Lulu, she would find Dean close by. Again, she was disappointed to come up with nothing.

_Maybe, they're gone. _She thought sadly. _The doctor did say he'd be releasing Lulu today. She_ reasoned, trying to staunch the mounting loneliness at the thought that they'd left her alone. _Dean will be back. _She assured herself and quickly turned her concentration to mending her damaged wall. With every attempt she made to plug a hole a new one materialized and she knew she would not be able to do it alone. She needed her anchor, someone whose voice, whose thoughts and feelings, she could latch onto and draw strength from. _DEAN! _Her mind screamed as she was once again overwhelmed by a wave of panic and fear that was not entirely her own.

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"DEAN!"

Dean bolted upright as the panicked scream erupted in his mind. He looked around the dimly lit room, noting that dusk had come and gone as he slept. _I must have dreamt it. _Dean thought as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and slipped on his shoes. The fear and panic the scream had induced, clung to him and he began to wonder if it had indeed been a dream. Padding quietly over to the guest room, Dean hazarded a glance into Lulu's room, where she lay sleeping undisturbed. Without knocking, Dean quickly opened the guest room door and slid in. He found Sam asleep, sitting in bed, up against the wall with his laptop open on his lap. Closing the door softly behind him, he quietly moved to his brother's side and gave him a not-so-gentle nudge.

"Dean…what the?" Sam grumbled as he opened his eyes to find his brother, standing beside him in the dark.

"Shh…Lulu's still asleep," Dean hissed, putting his hand over his brother's mouth. "I need to ask you something," he added, removing his hand from Sam's mouth.

"What is it? Is everything okay?" Sam asked, noticing the worried look in his brother's eyes.

"I…I don't know," Dean replied, momentarily lost in thought. Sam was about to say something when Dean continued. "Do you think that I could have heard Ronnie calling for me?" he asked, without meeting Sam's gaze, this was crazy. "I mean in my head," he added with a sigh as he scrubbed a hand over his haggard face, unsure now whether it hadn't simply been a dream.

Sam stared at him a long moment as his brother's words sunk in. "You heard her call for you?"

Dean nodded slowly, without meeting Sam's gaze. "Yeah …I…I don't know…I think so," Dean sighed in exasperation as he raked his fingers through his hair. "Look, I'm gonna get going to the hospital…Tell Lulu I'll see her for breakfast." With that Dean left the room and quietly moved down the stairs, grabbing his leather jacket and car keys as he left.

Sam was still staring at the spot where Dean had been standing long after he heard the sound of the Impala's departure. Could Ronnie really have called to Dean? Was her gift that strong? Sam wondered as he closed his laptop and got out of bed. Stretching, he considered the other options. It could simply have been Dean's guilt-plagued dreams, playing tricks on him. Sam hoped that it was, indeed, Ronnie calling out to Dean, because that meant that she may not be as lost as they feared. Did it mean that she was conscious?

Sam quietly left the guest room and headed down to the kitchen to find something to make him and Lulu for dinner. When he considered the little information, he had about Ronnie's power he was left with more questions than answers. He hoped that Ronnie would find her way back to reality on her own, because if she didn't he had no idea how to help her.

Ronnie struggled to concentrate as the usual hum at the back of her mind, caused by thoughts of people around her, became a cacophonic din that she feared would soon drown out her own thoughts. If that happened, she knew Dean would not be able to help her back. It would take someone else to help him, the way it had taken Missouri to help her grandfather. Her wall was nearly destroyed now and she'd given up on repairing it, in favor of building a new, smaller one meant to protect her conscious mind. Instead of warding off the thoughts of others, she would concentrate on protecting her own. Suddenly, she wished she had learnt to control her power, instead of just blocking it out, but that was something she would have had to learn when her power was less advanced and more manageable. Of course, wishing it didn't make it happen, so Ronnie did what she could to hold on until someone could help her.

Dean continued to contemplate the origin of the voice that had screamed his name. Logic told him that he had dreamt it, but logic was something that didn't always figure into the equation when there was a supernatural "gift" involved. Truthfully, Dean barely knew about Ronnie's power, he didn't know how it worked or exactly how powerful it was, so there was no way of knowing if this scream could have come from her. _If she's calling out to me, does it mean that she's awake, or does it mean she needs my help? _He wondered as he neared entered the small town and turned up the main road, heading towards the hospital.

Dean suddenly realized that he had no idea what to do if she was lost within herself and he wasn't sure who to turn to for help. Who would know the extent of Ronnie's "gift" and who would know how to help her back if she was lost? _Who helped her last time? Jack….But how?_ Dean struggled to remember what Ronnie had told him about the last time she'd been lost. "_Until…my grandfather came to see me with a friend of his…she was psychic…somehow she was able to…find me and help me…find my way back." _Ronnie's words echoed in Dean's mind. So, Jack had had help. Dean wondered who the old hunter would have trusted enough to play around in his granddaughter's mind. _Missouri. _Her name materialized in his mind as if by magic.

Dean pulled out his cell phone and, ticking his gaze between it and the road, he searched for Missouri 's number. Finding it, he quickly pressed send, without considering what time it was in Lawrence.

"Hello?" A familiar voice replied groggily at the other end.

" Missouri ? It's Dean…Dean Winchester."

"Dean? Child, what is it? Is everything okay?" Missouri asked, suddenly sounding wide awake.

"Did you know Jack Taylor?" Dean asked, avoiding her question.

"I…yes I did….Why? Dean, boy, you'd better tell me what's goin' on?"

"Were you the one who helped Ronnie…when she was…lost?" Again he avoided her questions, not wanting to waste time explaining, there would be time for that later.

"Lost? Y-yes, why is she—?" Missouri began, but again Dean cut her short.

"Listen Missouri, I need to know how to help her find her way back."

"Boy, I'm not tellin' you a thing 'til you tell me what's goin' on," Missouri pressed as Dean began to lose patience. He was almost at the hospital and he needed answers.

"Look, it's a long story and I promise to tell you the details later, but right now Ronnie's in the hospital and they don't know why she hasn't woken up yet. But you and I know why and I need to help her…I-I promised to be her anchor, I promised I'd never let her get lost again."

Missouri sighed, knowing she wouldn't be getting the answers she wanted, until she helped Dean. "Well, first thing you have to do is get her out of that hospital."

"Sure, Missouri I'll just walk in there and grab her." Dean rolled his eyes as he pulled the car into a parking spot near the door. "They operated on her less than twenty-four hours ago and she's still unconscious, but hey I'm sure they'll just let me sign her out."

"Operated? Child, what in heaven's name is goin' on?"

Dean sighed, longing not to have to tell Missouri that he'd shot Ronnie, let alone why. "There was a demon…it…it possessed her…I-I had to shoot her…sh-she begged me to...it was the only way…." Dean's voice trailed off. The tears he'd been struggling to contain began to fall as the guilt of what he'd done overwhelmed him again. _I should have found another way. _"N-now she won't wake up…the doctors…they can't figure out why…sh-she should be awake."

"Okay, Dean, now, listen to me. You're gonna need to reign in all your sadness and guilt if you want to have any hope of helpin' her," Missouri stated matter-of-factly. "She'll need to draw on your strength and love. It'll be her beacon to follow, what she'll feed off of," Missouri explained. She paused a moment to let this information to sink in. "D'you think you can to that, honey? Can you put aside all that your guilt of yours?"

Dean drew a shaky breath as he wiped away the tears that had escaped. "Y-yeah, I can do it," Dean assured weakly. "So, that's it? I just sit there and hold her hand and tell her I love her?"

"It's more than that Dean. You're offerin' her your strength to draw on, to help her build her defenses back up," she stressed with a sigh. "You have to be willin' to open yourself up, to let her in." Missouri paused, again waiting for Dean to react, for him to refuse to allow Ronnie full access to his mind.

Dean chose not to respond to Missouri's comment. Truth-be-told, the idea of letting Ronnie have full access to his mind was unsettling. He wondered, if the wall he'd built around his pain and sadness could withstand Ronnie's probing and he feared what all that bottled emotion could do to her if she did get past his wall.

"Dean?"

"Yeah, I gotcha have to let her in. I get it," Dean replied as he looked up at the hospital. "Look I'm at the hospital, now, so I'll call ya back later," he added absently as he snapped his phone closed and threw it into the glove compartment. Taking a moment to compose himself, he raked his hand through his hair. H took a deep breath as he slid out of the car. He tried to clear his mind as he walked through the sliding double doors and headed for the elevator, wanting to concentrate all his love for Ronnie to pick up on the strength it gave him and to use that strength as she struggled back to him.

It had been a good idea to build a smaller wall. It had bought her some time, but now as Ronnie realized it wouldn't hold much longer her frustration at the power she couldn't control grew exponentially. "Dean," she whispered now as she realized he hadn't heard her cry for help. She wondered if he knew Missouri or someone else with psychic knowledge and power, or if she would remain lost within her mind as had so many of the women in her family. Would she waste away in some hospital room visited on holidays by her daughter? Would Dean settle down and take care of Lulu? Or would he leave her with Riley and his family to be watched over? _Riley. _Sadness welled within her, momentarily blocking everything else out, as she remembered his still form lying on the bathroom floor as the demon had led her away, refusing to let her check on him.

As Dean entered Ronnie's room his breath caught in his throat. It was always the same when he saw someone he cared about, lying in a hospital bed hooked up to all kinds of machines. Ronnie lay motionless in bed, her steady heart beat echoed rhythmically, through the beeping of the monitor. Dean willed himself to be strong, pushing aside any worry or panic that Ronnie's frail form instigated within him. She needed his strength, not his fear, and he was determined to make sure she felt only his strength and love as he entered the room. He quietly moved to the chair at her bed side and fell into it. Taking her hand in his, Dean began to whisper assurances to her, willing her to find him, to feel his love and use his strength to help her find her way back and rebuild her wall. "Come on Kiki, come back to me," he repeated over and over until it soon became his mantra.

"Dean," Ronnie's mind cried as she felt his strength and love envelop her like a warm blanket, leaving her feeling safe and protected the way his arms always did. Then, she heard his voice, drifting through the din, whispering soft and fast.

"Follow my love, Kiki, follow it back to me. Take my strength, use it, it's yours," Dean's husky voice whispered. "Come on Kiki, come back to me," he repeated over and over and she followed his words like a trail of breadcrumbs. Concentrating on his strength and love, Ronnie was able to block out the onslaught of thoughts of everyone else around her.

As she reached the edge of consciousness, she paused, knowing she needed to put her wall back up reinforced by Dean's strength and love before she returned to him. There was an underlying urgency in his voice that left Ronnie feeling she would need to draw on this strength later. She wasn't sure how long she remained there, perfecting her wall, until finally she was satisfied that it could hold against the onslaught of thoughts at a stadium rock concert.

"Dean," she whispered hoarsely, sounding ironically, to her own ears, as though she'd spent the night screaming at a rock concert. Slowly opening her eyes, she was surprised to find the room around her dark except for the small light on the wall above her head. Squinting to make out her surroundings without her glasses and in such low light, she noted the heart monitor to her left, the peaks and valleys of its monitor rising and falling in sync with her heart beat. To her right, she saw Dean sitting in the chair next to her bed, his head resting against her right hand that he held within his. She listened to the steady rhythm of his breathing for a moment. "Dean," she whispered again, gently caressing his cheek with her left hand and noticed e IV in her wrist. She watched Dean stir, sitting up he glanced around a moment as though he wasn't sure who had spoken his name. Ronnie smiled at him as he looked up at her, a surprised look on his face, his eyes filled with happiness and something else Ronnie couldn't read.

"Hey there sleepin' beauty," he greeted with his patented Dean Winchester grin, though it didn't seem to reach his eyes. "You had us worried, I thought…" His grin faltered momentarily and Ronnie could feel his guilt, flowing in with his relief.

Ronnie smiled, her most reassuring smile as their eyes met. "You…you led me back," she breathed, fighting back the sleep that wanted to reclaim her. "I…I felt your love…it…I never realized…" Tears welled in her eyes as her voice trailed off.

"That I loved you?"

"No…I…I always knew that you did…I guess I never realized…." Tears spilt down her cheeks unhindered now. She'd always known that Dean cared about her, but that he loved her, that he was in love with her. There had always been this lingering doubt within her heart that had now been erased. Suddenly, she felt overwhelmed by the thought that someone could love her that much.

"How much," Dean offered as he gently wiped away her tears and leaned in to softly kiss her lips. A wave of guilt washed over him as he reminded himself that he hadn't thought of how much he cared for her when he'd made the deal to save Sam. He quickly pushed these feelings aside, worried what finding out about the deal might do to Ronnie in her current fragile state. He gently grazed her cheek with his knuckles as he pulled back from the kiss and forced his most winning smile her way. "Well, now you know."

Ronnie's eyes fluttered closed as Dean kissed her, concentrating on the moment and the love she could feel from him. As he pulled away, she fleetingly felt a wave of guilt crash over him before he quickly pushed it away. When she opened her eyes again, she was greeted by his most winning smile and tried to ignore the mounting dread within her. "Dean, I need to get out of here," she whispered hoarsely, returning his smile with a faltering one of her own as her wall was bombarded with the grief and pain of someone who'd just lost someone. _NO! God No! Please no! _Her breath caught in her throat as the unknown voice shouted in her mind.

"I don't know Kiki…. They just operated this…." Dean's voice trailed off as he watched her smile falter. "Okay, just stay with me. You're gonna have to sign yourself out," Dean whispered as he quickly moved toward the door, holding her hand in his until he was forced to let go.

Ronnie watched Dean rush out the door, before closing her eyes and concentrating fully on holding off the overwhelming grief that was not her own. _Just gotta hold on a little longer. _She repeated over and over as she waited for him to return.

Dean hurried to the nurses' station, where a lone nurse sat looking over a patient's chart. "Excuse me," Dean greeted, trying to contain the urgency he felt at knowing that if he didn't hurry Ronnie might slip away from him again. When the nurse looked up at him, he continued. "I need you to get the doctor in charge of Veronika Taylor's case right away."

"Sir, it's the middle of the night, Doctor Forestell has gone home."

"Well, there must be someone in charge right now," Dean insisted.

"Well, there is an intern that will be doing his rounds in about half an hour," the nurse replied glancing at her watch.

"Could you get him up here right away?"

"Why, is there something wrong?"

"Listen, Ronnie, Miss Taylor is awake and wants to sign herself outta here," Dean replied, hitching a thumb over his shoulder as he spoke.

"Miss Taylor was just operated on this morning, there is no way they'll sign her out tonight."

"Yeah, I know but she wants to sign herself out against doctor's advice."

"Sir, you really should be trying to convince your friend to stay here until the doctors feel she's ready to leave, not encouraging her to leave against doctor's wishes," the nurse chastised, shaking her head.

"You obviously don't know Ronnie. When her mind's made up…well, there's no changin' it," Dean grinned. "So, the intern, can you get him up here now? 'Cause she really wants outta here and I don't know how long I can convince her to not try to leave on her own…Oh, and can you get something for her to wear home? They kinda cut up her clothes and I wasn't expecting to take her home tonight," Dean added with a wink as he moved back to Ronnie's room, praying that he could get her out of the hospital before she was overwhelmed again. "Ronnie?" He whispered, fearing the worst when he returned to find her eyes closed.

"Hey there, handsome," she whispered as her eyes fluttered open and she smiled weakly in an attempt to reassure him.

The intern arrived, within ten minutes, followed by the nurse with a fresh pair of scrubs for Ronnie to wear home. After a lengthy discussion with the intern, during which he must have exhausted every textbook response to a patient wanting to leave against doctor's orders, and a similar discussion with the attending doctor from the ER, Ronnie was finally allowed to leave. There were, however, conditions placed upon her release, the attending insisted that she be restricted to bed rest and that a nurse visit twice a day, to change the dressings on her wounds. During these visits if the nurse noticed a worsening in Ronnie's condition or that she was not following doctor's orders with the bed rest, Ronnie would be returned to the hospital.

As they drove home, Dean's gaze constantly shifted from the road to Ronnie's sleeping form. He wondered, not for the first time, how he was going to tell the only woman he'd ever allowed himself to care for, that he'd sold his soul and had barely a year to live.

**End Notes:**

**Ok so another chapter down…what'd ya think? Tell me please! Did it suck? Was it good? Tell me, tell me, tell me!**


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

_**Painted on my Heart**_

_**By: gengen0776**_

**Chapter 20**

Ronnie awoke as Dean unclipped her seatbelt and readied himself to carry her inside. "Dean, I can walk," Ronnie insisted, but Dean wasn't hearing it. He slipped one arm behind her back, hooking one hand under her shoulder as the other slid under her legs.

"You could tear your stitches," he reminded as he scooped her up with little effort and pushed the passenger door closed with his hip. "And you know if the nurse sees any sign of you not on bed rest they're gonna ship you back to the hospital."

Knowing he was right and not having the energy to put up much of a fight, Ronnie rested her head on Dean's chest and breathed him in with a weary sigh. The smell of Dean's leather jacket and his cologne flooded Ronnie's mind with memories of evenings spent out on the porch swing in his arms. Her eyelids drooped heavily as the steady beat of his heart lulled her along with the welcome memories of simpler times.

Begrudgingly, Ronnie spent the weekend in bed, allowing Dean and Sam to wait on her and look after her every need. Each time the nurse cam to change the dressing on her wound and check her stitches, Ronnie asked if she had healed enough to be let out of her pillowy prison and each time the nurse would respond negatively.

"You should just let yourself enjoy being pampered. Spend some quality time with your daughter," the nurse on Sunday morning had suggested, watching Lulu enter the room as she finished redressing the wound in Ronnie's abdomen.

"I guess you're right," Ronnie admitted, knowing that hard times lay ahead for Lulu and it might be the only quality time they had for a few weeks at least.

Ronnie was having a hard time letting someone else be in charge. She'd grown accustomed to taking care of things herself and running things around the house and at the garage on her terms, but things had gotten so out of control recently that she'd had to relinquish control of the most simple tasks.

That night, after Dean had helped her shower and dress, Ronnie sat in bed propped up against a mountain of pillows, reading about Britney Spears' latest breakdown for the third time. Sighing loudly as she put aside the magazine, Ronnie listened to the noises drifting up from the kitchen below. Lulu had long been tucked in and she could hear Sam and Dean's muffled voices mingled with the sounds of dishes and pots clanging together as they tidied up after dinner. Ronnie picked up yet another, previously read, magazine and flipped through it, hoping to distract herself until Dean came upstairs. Curiosity gnawed at her as the voices below became heated, but she resisted the urge to try to pick up their stray thoughts, focusing instead on JLo's pregnancy cravings.

"Dean, you have to tell her," Sam insisted as he picked up a dish that Dean had just finished washing and began to dry it.

"Don't you think I know that, Sammy!" Dean replied heatedly. "It's just not the right time with the shooting and Lu—"

"When is it gonna be the right time, Dean? When Ronnie's up and about again? When Lulu's better? When we leave?" Sam demanded, his voice rising in time with his exasperation. "The longer you wait, the harder it's going to be."

"I know," Dean replied, staring at the plate in his hands as he spoke. "I just…I don't know how to tell her, Sam…I mean h-how do you tell the woman you…you love, something like this? Oh God, h-how am I gonna tell Lulu?" Dean looked up at Sam, his vision swimming as tears flooded his eyes. Again, he felt a surge of anger towards his father, for never telling him he had a daughter that he had someone else to live for. "They're gonna hate me. I don't know if I can…." Dean's voice trailed off as he wiped his eyes with his sleeve.

"No, they'll hate me."

Dean gave Sam a questioning look. "W-wha? Why?"

"Because you made that deal to bring me back, Dean, I'm the reason you've got less than a year." Sam argued, his frustration causing him to forget to keep his voice down.

"Sam, I told you this is not your fault. It was my decision and my decision alone, Ronnie'll understand that," Dean assured in a forced whisper. They were silent for a long moment, the clang and clatter of dishes and pots being washed and dried the only sound. "Listen, I'll tell her soon I swear. I'm worried with everything she's been through…. I'm afraid of how it'll affect her." He turned off the water, and dried his hands on his jeans as he moved to exit the kitchen. Pausing at the entrance to look back at Sam, Dean sighed wearily. "G'night Sammy."

Without waiting for his brother's reply, Dean headed slowly up the stairs to Ronnie's room. He paused at Lulu's door to look in on her. _Why didn't you tell me, Dad? Now she'll hate me for leaving her, again. _ He quietly crept up to her bedside. Pulling her blanket up over her shoulders, he tenderly caressed her cheek, before bending to gently kiss her forehead. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

_Are you though? _ A voice in his head demanded. _You're afraid of how this will affect them, but did you even consider that before you made the deal? _ Dean paused in Lulu's doorway, struggling to reign in all these thoughts before he returned to Ronnie. Raking his fingers through his hair, Dean slowly moved toward Ronnie's room, wondering if she was asleep. Part of him hoped she was, it would be much easier to hide his pain and guilt. The other part, longed to confess everything to her, to just get it off his chest and stop delaying her inevitable reaction; for her to hate him.

He forced a smile as he entered the room. Hearing her sigh wearily, reminded him how stir crazy she must be going in her forced bed rest. Ronnie was used to doing things for herself and now she was being forced to rely on others to take care of those things, to the point that she'd had to let Dean help her shower and dress. He reminded himself that she would soon be back on her feet and that physically she'd be fine. But Dean worried that Ronnie's wall would take longer to heal. She'd been picking up stray thoughts here and there since he'd brought her home, and he worried that she would pick something up about the deal.

"Hey, come to keep me company?" Ronnie greeted, throwing aside the magazine into the ever-growing pile on the floor next her bed. "Cause if I have to read one more word about how JLo craves pickles and peanut butter I think I'm gonna lose it." Dean forced a smile in response. "Is everything all right?"

"Yeah," Dean replied, without meeting her gaze, staring instead at her dresser top filled with photographs. _No! _ His mind cried. _How can everything be okay? I have to break your heart again…. _

Ronnie frowned as she felt his sadness. "You know we're gonna have to take some pictures with you and Sam to put up there," she commented, following his gaze. "Maybe we could take a trip once this is all over…once Lulu's better."

"Y-yeah," Dean croaked. _Because I'm feeling generous, I'll give you one year and one year only…. Still it's more than your father ever got. _ The demon's words echoed in Dean's mind as he relived the desperation he'd felt when he'd kissed the demon, sealing the deal for his soul. He heard Ronnie's breath catch and looked up at her as she stiffened and stared at him in disbelief.

"One y-year…." She whispered breathlessly. "Wh-what did you do?" she demanded though she knew the answer.

"Kiki, please…."

"No…no don't 'Kiki please' me…you tell me…I wanna hear you say it." Her breath was becoming labored now as she fought back her anger and pain.

"I-I couldn't let him die…I wasn't thinking clearly…I-I felt so alone…." Dean's voice trailed off, realizing the pain his words were going to cause Ronnie.

"D-did we…did I…ever cross your mind in all this?"

"I…I didn't know about Lulu…and I…I thought…I thought you'd moved on—"

"Moved on? Y-you thought I'd moved on?" Ronnie stared at him in disbelief. "With who, Dean? This town isn't exactly filled with prospects and men don't really fall all over themselves to be with a single mother," she added, her eyes glistening with tears. "I-I promised to wait for you…I wore this stupid ring every day…I-I loved you…." her voice trailed off as her tears began to trace their way down her cheeks.

"I-I love you, t—" Dean began, the words catching in his throat as the pain of Sam's loss and his guilt for not thinking of Ronnie when he'd made that deal washed over him, so completely, he felt he might crumple to the ground. He had never been sure how she would react, yet he'd never expected her cold tone. "I-I know you're angry—" Dean began, but her hand flew up, signaling him to stop as she turned back to him, her tear-filled eyes unwavering as she spoke again.

"Get out."

"Wha-what? Kiki, please…let me explain—"

"Please…j-just leave…."

Dean sighed, his shoulders slumping dejectedly. "I'll find a motel in town," he offered as he headed for the door.

"N-No…" Ronnie whispered, stopping him in his tracks. "Lulu still needs her father…for as long as she can have one…and I don't want her to have to deal with this…on top of everything else right now…." Dean waited unsure what to do. "There's a pull out bed in the couch in the living room…" she informed as she sighed wearily, sounding to Dean like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders and he knew he was the one who had put it there.

"Okay," he replied simply as he grabbed hold of the door handle.

"D-dean…I…I just need some…some time….I need to…to deal with this without…without having to deal with your guilt and sadness too."

Dean turned back to look at her beautiful tear-streaked face through his own tears. He nodded, before turning and leaving the room.

As the door closed, a sob escaped Ronnie's lips as she gave in to the sadness and anger she felt.

Sam heard the muffled voices, coming from Ronnie's bedroom as he came up the stairs. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but somehow he knew what was happening. _Dean is telling her. _ He thought, his heart filling with sadness and guilt, knowing the whole thing was his fault. Dean had made the deal to bring HIM back and now it was tearing his new little family apart. Dean quietly slipped out of the room as Sam still stood, staring at the door.

"What, were you listening or something?" Dean asked angrily as he wiped the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand. "I guess you're happy now, she knows the truth."

"Dean…I-I'm sorry, I—"

"Save it, Sammy, there's nothing you can say to make this better, so don't bother tryin'," Dean interrupted as he brushed past Sam, heading for the stairs.

Sam stared after him for a long moment, his heart breaking as he considered the true cost of Dean's deal. _I'm gonna make this right…no matter what it takes I'm gonna make this right. _

Sam watched helplessly as Ronnie and Dean drifted apart over the next couple of days. Neither spoke to the other except when Lulu was around and when they did it was civil and curt. Sam had tried to plead Dean's case to Ronnie, to let her know that he was to blame, not his brother, but Ronnie wasn't hearing. "I just need time," she'd tell Sam, before changing the subject.

Dean was no better, telling Sam to let it go, that it was done and there was nothing either of them could do to fix it. Dean spent his days with Lulu, doting on her every whim and his evenings drinking out on the back porch, until he staggered in to fall onto the couch, or until Sam carried him inside when he passed out.

The third morning, Sam awoke to see Ronnie, standing in his doorway.

"I need you to drive me to the hospital," Ronnie informed flatly. The dark circles beneath her eyes belied her lack of sleep and Sam knew she was suffering. Sam cleared his throat, casting away the guilt, he'd become an expert at concealing, before he spoke.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine," Ronnie assure, forcing a wan smile his way. "They remove my stitches today."

"Oh, yeah. Sorry, I forgot," Sam replied sheepishly. "Gimme a sec to get dressed and I'll drive you."

"I'll wait for you in the car," Ronnie said as she slowly moved toward the stairs.

"Wait, I'll help you down," Sam called as he threw back the covers and proceeded to pull on his jeans from the day before.

Rushing to her side, he slid his arm around her waist. Sam knew if anything else happened to Ronnie, Dean would never forgive him. Though Dean hadn't outwardly asked him to, Sam knew his brother was counting on him to look out for Ronnie while he couldn't.

After Sam woke Dean and informed him, during a very uncomfortable moment, where he and Ronnie were headed and why, they set off.

When Ronnie and Sam returned from the hospital, they found Dean and Lulu asleep on the couch. On the television screen the credits of _The Wizard of Oz,_ Lulu's favorite movie, were rolling across the screen and Ronnie recalled how Dean had once said it had been one of his favorites growing up. The sight of Lulu asleep on her father's lap brought both a smile to Ronnie's lips and tears to her eyes as she remembered how little time Lulu and Dean had for such moments. _Why Dean? Why couldn't you find another way? _ Ronnie sighed, excusing herself with a vague comment about needing to rest as she headed for the stairs weary from the longer than expected visit to the hospital. There had been an emergency and the doctor had been called away, leaving only an intern to remove her stitches. So, Ronnie had opted to wait for her doctor's return to sign off on chart, giving her a clean bill of health and calling off the bed rest.

Sam could tell, Ronnie was hurting more than just physically as he watched her slowly make her way upstairs, knowing there was nothing he could do to make the situation better, short of finding Dean a way out of his deal.

That evening, Ronnie came down to dinner and they had their first real family dinner, complete with awkward silences and forced small talk for Lulu's benefit. After a few failed attempts to broach a conversation with Ronnie, Dean forgot about his food, choosing instead to find his nourishment in the liquid form of beer and a lot of it, while Ronnie picked at the food on her plate, looking tired and withdrawn.

When Lulu had finished eating, Ronnie excused herself and set about preparing Lulu's pajamas. Dean fell into his recent routine of drinking out on the back porch, staring at the spot where Ronnie had fallen when he'd shot her.

It was well after eleven o'clock when Sam heard his brother, stumbling drunkenly up the stairs and past his door. Both Lulu and Ronnie had long since gone to bed and Sam worried that Dean would wake them. Stepping out into the hall, Sam grabbed his brother's arm. "Dean, what are you doin?"

"I need ta talk ta 'er Sssammy…need 'er ta fergive me," Dean slurred as he swayed drunkenly. "Ssso mmoove outta my way." Dean wrenched his arm free from Sam's grip, and stumbled as he moved toward Ronnie's door. "Kiki…open da door!" Dean banged on the door when he found it locked. "Pleez…Keek…juss' need ta talk to ya," he pleaded as he pressed his forehead against the door. Still no response came from within Ronnie's room, and Sam could see the desperation, building within his brother.

"C'mon Dean, she's probably sleeping…. You'll talk to her in the morning." Sam rested a comforting hand on his brother's shoulder, but Dean shrugged it off.

"Nnno…not gonna wait 'til morning…." Dean spun around to face Sam, eyes filled with so much pain it made Sam's heart clench.

_This is my fault. _

"Don' hhhave time ta wassste…. Need 'er ta know…ta know how…how sssorry…." Dean's voice broke off as he slumped against the door frame and began to pound on Ronnie's door with a weary determination. "Keek, pleez I jus—"

Ronnie abruptly opened the door, interrupting Dean. "Dean just go to bed, you're gonna wake Lulu." She anxiously glanced toward Lulu's bedroom. "We'll talk in the morn—"

"Nnno! We're gonna talk nnnow!" Dean interrupted. "Pleez Keek…pl-pleez…." he pleaded, his unsteady gaze finally meeting hers.

Ronnie held his gaze for a long moment, feeling his guilt and sadness wash over her. She could feel his desperate need for her forgiveness and really who was she to deny it to him? Could she really pretend that given the same option after her father's death that she wouldn't have taken it no matter what it cost? "C'mon, we can talk…but not here." She glanced toward Lulu's room to make sure she was still asleep. "Let's go out on the porch, okay?" She looked to Sam when Dean nodded. "Can you help him down the stairs?" Sam nodded and hooked an arm around Dean's waist and guided, his swaying brother down the stairs. Ronnie quickly slipped into Lulu's room to check on her before she followed the boys down the stairs.

The cool night air bit into Ronnie's skin and she shivered as she stepped out onto the porch. She stared at the spot where Dean had shot her and felt another shiver pass through her, knowing this one had nothing to do with the cool frigid breeze

"Are you all right?" Sam asked, seeming to sense her discomfort.

Forcing herself to meet Sam's gaze, she said, "yeah, just a little cold." She moved toward Dean who sat on the porch swing, his shoulders slouched, looking defeated. When he looked up at her as she approached, she was struck full force by his pain and sadness. She felt herself sway beneath the weight of it, and then Sam's strong arm was around her, offering her support. She could feel the guilt rolling off the younger Winchester as he looked from her to Dean. Sam guided her to the swing, where she sat next to Dean.

"I-I guess I'll leave you two alone," Sam said, stepping back from the couple, wishing there were some way to fix the rift between them. He noticed Ronnie shiver again and quickly moved to grab a blanket from the other side of Dean and offer it to her, then he turned and left, knowing there was nothing he could do and that nothing would be resolved if he remained.

"Dean," Ronnie whispered, tilting his chin upwards, forcing him to look at her. Dean's pain-filled eyes widened as blood trickled from Ronnie's nose, his guilt slamming into her like a sledgehammer.

"Keek…I-I'mmm ssso sssorry…. I juss keep hurtin ya…I-I nnever mmmeant…" Tears brimmed and overflowed, tracing their way down his cheeks. "I-I juss didn' know wha' ta do…Sammy's…he's my brother…I couldn' juss let him…" Dean's voice trailed off as Ronnie was bombarded by images from his memory. She saw Sam, walking toward Dean, felt Dean's momentary relief at having found his brother, quickly replaced by the fear and pain of watching someone in army fatigues, stab Sam in the back. She felt his sorrow as he rocked his dead brother in his arms, still trying to be the good big brother, assuring Sam that everything would be all right. She felt his sorrow deepen into grief as he realized that Sam was gone even as he called out for him.

The scene changed and Dean was sitting vigil next to Sam's still form. Sam looked like he was sleeping, albeit deathly pale. Dean's grief intensified as unbearable loneliness set in when he realized that there was no one left. He was the sole surviving Winchester. Like a fast moving picture, images flashed forward before her eyes, the crossroad's demon playing on Dean's grief to make him agree to her impossible deal. Her heart crumbled as Dean considered the demon's offer of one year, knowing the outcome before he sealed the deal with a kiss.

"I ssshoulda thought of yooo…I shoulda known yoo were ssstill waitin—" Dean sobbed, his warm breath reeking of beer. "I-I'm sssorry…pleez Keek, forgive me…I'm ssso sssorry," he begged as he fell, trembling in her arms. "Ifff…iff I had knownnn 'bou Lulu…."

"Dean," Ronnie whispered in a soothing voice as she ran her fingers through his hair. She hated to see him this way, broken the way he had been when Sam had died. "Please look at me." She gently coaxed him to look up at her, her hand against his tear streaked cheek.

"I…I knnnow I don' dessserve it…but…." His voice trailed off. _Can you ever forgive me for what I've done? _ He thought, unable to form the actual words, knowing it was unfair of him to ask. Part of him hoped she couldn't, if she hated him then it would hurt her less when his bill came due. Or would it?

"I forgive you Dean. How could I not?" He glanced up at her in surprise, and she gave him a small winsome smile. "If…if I had known…known about the crossroads demon…when…when my father…" Her voice trailed off, her smile faltering as a shadow crossed her face, revealing the pain and sadness she kept hidden. Suddenly, Dean understood, she would have done the same thing to bring back her father. She understood the grief and sorrow that had led him to make the deal. "I…I understand why you did it," she whispered as he pulled her into his arms. He sighed at the feel of her warm breath against his neck. Pulling away momentarily, she drew the blanket Sam had given her over her and leaned back against Dean's chest. He wrapped her in his warm protective embrace, and she sighed contentedly

.

"I-I love you Keek," Dean whispered, his voice trembling as he buried his face into her hair, breathing her in with a desolate sigh.

The atmosphere changed drastically after that night. There were no more awkward silences, no more forced conversations for Lulu's benefit. Things were almost normal after that, at least for the next few days. However, tension levels rose swiftly as the day of Lulu's chemo treatment arrived. Everyone readied themselves for her appointment at the hospital, but no one really knew what to expect.

The day was both nerve wracking and emotionally draining. Lulu, who had been so brave up until this point, cried when she saw the needle that would deliver the chemotherapy medication and refused to remain still for the nurse to inject it into her arm. As a last recourse, the doctor had administered a sedative and had placed an Ommaya reservoir under her scalp at the base of her hairline, allowing them to inject the drugs without Lulu seeing the needle. The reservoir would remain, until her chemotherapy treatments were done.

"How long before she's ready for the bone marrow transplant?" Dean watched as Ronnie sat, whispering calming words to Lulu.

"When we see how much progress we make, we'll be able to gauge the length of her treatment. It's an ongoing process of treatment and tests to follow her progress."

Dean mulled over the doctor's words, a tremor of fear coursing the length of his spine as he realized he might not get the chance to see his daughter healthy. "But she will get better…right?"

"The fact that we caught the leukemia early on and the bone marrow transplant make her the chances of a full recovery, very promising," Doctor Kokis assured.

Dean watched Ronnie, gently stroking Lulu's hair and asked absently, "what about her hair…will she lose her hair?"

"It isn't uncommon," Doctor Kokis replied. "The important thing is that this is going to make her better."

Dean nodded, knowing that his young daughter would not see it that way if she began to lose her hair.

The therapy had left Lulu weak as she fought, with the help of the anticancer drugs, to rid her body of the tainted cells, allowing for a clean slate for the bone marrow transplant.

When they arrived home last that afternoon, Dean felt more exhausted than if he'd been chasing down a werewolf all day. He carried a sleeping Lulu up to her room, praying to whatever higher power lay above that this therapy would work quickly. More than anything, he wanted to see Lulu happy and healthy before he had to leave her again.

Ronnie watched from the doorway as Dean tenderly laid Lulu on her bed and pulled a blanket over her. He leaned in and gently kissed her forehead, before joining Ronnie in the doorway. He forced a smile her way in an attempt to reassure her that everything was going to be all right. Dean gently squeezed her hand as he took it in his and pulled her into his arms.

Sam slid out the front door, quietly closing it behind him so he didn't wake any of the house's sleeping occupants. He hoped that the exhausting first day of Lulu's treatment had sufficiently wiped out his brother, so that Dean wouldn't hear his departure. Sam stashed the small metal box in the pocket of his jean jacket as he briskly strode away from the house. He looked over his shoulder a few times to be sure he hadn't awoken anyone in the house.

He quickly arrived at a crossroads about a quarter of a mile from Ronnie's house. Hastily digging a hole in the gravel road, he tucked the box containing a photograph of him along with the other essentials for summoning the crossroads' demon. He smoothed the dirt back over the box before he stood and waited. Wiping the dirt from his hand on his jeans, he looked around unsure what to expect since he'd never actually summoned a demon before. After a few moments of nothing, he began to wonder if he'd done something incorrectly. A faint rustling, coming from somewhere behind him, caught Sam's attention and he swung around to face what looked like a twenty-something brunette in a little black dress.

"Sam Winchester, been waitin' for you to show up," the woman drawled. "Come to trade your soul for Dean's?"

"You can give me six months, I don't care how long." Sam's tone was desperate, a slight tremor belying his attenpt at bravery. Yet, he also knew he needed to remain outwardly strong for Dean's sake. "As long as I can give Lulu a bone marrow transplant first and know she'll be okay, you can take me the next day."

The demon shook her head, frowning as she made a tsking noise. "Whadya Winchesters think this is, musical freakin' souls or something? Do I look stupid to you?" She growled, her eyes flashing red.

"Musical souls? Wha--? No, Dean won't try to trade his souls again," Sam insisted, surprised that he or Dean hadn't thought of such a loophole. _If you try to welch or weasel your way out of this, the deal is off and Sam drops dead, an' he's back to rotting meat…_ Dean had informed him of that stipulation. Sam knew that was why Dean would never have considered this loophole, even if he had thought of it.

"He did it once, why wouldn't he try again?"

"Things are…different now, he has…." Sam's voice trailed off, mentally kicking himself for having mentioned Lulu earlier.

"Oh yeah, the daughter. Did you think we didn't know about her?" the demon sneered. "Do you really think Dean would let you go for her? Again, how stupid do you think I am?" The demon shook her head, sending her chestnut hair tumbling down her shoulders. "Sorry Sammy, no deal. Even if we could be sure that Dean wouldn't try to save you again, the big guy," she paused to point at the ground, with a knowing grin, "he has plans for you and they don't involve a one-way trip to hell." She patted his cheek, before turning to walk away.

"Wait," Sam called out. She hesitated briefly then slowly turned to face him. "What if I die? I mean the deal was Dean's soul so that I live, wasn't it?" Sam held his breath as he awaited a response. Could this be it, the solution? If he died did it render Dean's deal null and void?

**End notes:**

**Ok so things are progressing…only 4 more chapters after this! What'd'ya think? Has Sam found a loophole? Was Ronnie too hard on Dean? Or maybe too easy? Come on people…speak up! I'd love to hear what you think! So, come on bring it!**


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

_**Painted on my Heart**_

_**By: gengen0776**_

**Chapter 21**

The demon sauntered back towards Sam, her face pensive as she mulled over his words. "Now Sam, you're not thinking of doing something stupid are you?"

"Just answer the question."

"You wanna know if Dean gets out of the deal if you get yourself killed," the demon surmised flippantly. "Don't go fallin' on any swords there Sammy. It won't do Dean any good if you kill yourself or if you somehow convince him to kill you."

"But if I were killed before his deal came up," Sam's voice trailed off as he toyed with this newly found loop hole.

"Careful Sammy, you get this wrong and both of you end up six feet under." A wicked grin marred the beautiful features of the demon's face. "Guess I'll see you around," she called over her shoulder as she strolled away into the darkness.

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Over the next few days, Sam's mind wandered constantly back to his meeting with the crossroads' demon and its subsequent revelations. He spent most of his spare time, researching possible deaths to find one that he thought Dean would be the most able to accept. He carefully pushed back these thoughts whenever Ronnie was around, afraid that she might unwittingly pick up on them. He was sure he was doing a good job of hiding these thoughts until one morning when he awoke at four a.m. and found Ronnie in the kitchen backing muffins. "G'mornin'," he greeted as he entered the kitchen.

Ronnie turned to greet him, her smile faltering as their eyes met. "Don't do it, Sammy," she breathed, her eyes pleading with him as much as her words.

"Do what?" Sam looked away unable to deny his thoughts to her face.

"It'll k-kill him." Ronnie's voice hitched as she thought of Dean, dealing with his brother's death again.

"Whoa, Kiki what are you talking about?" Sam continued to deny the truth of her words, hoping she would think she'd somehow misread him. He turned away, moving toward the patio doors that lead out to the back porch, but Ronnie caught his arm before he could retreat.

"Stop this Sammy. We both know what you've been thinking about," she insisted, her hand on his cheek turning his face toward her and forcing him to meet her gaze again. "Tell me to my face that you haven't been looking for a way to get yourself killed, because you think it'll nullify his deal. Go ahead, if you can look me in the eye and tell me that you're not then I'll let this go," Ronnie added, her hand dropping away from Sam's cheek as she stared him down, daring him to lie to her face.

Unable to deny it any longer, Sam conceded, "I can't just let him die…especially n-not now…n-not when he's found you again and has a chance at…at a normal l-life." Tears burned in Sam's eyes as he stared into Ronnie's. "Not gonna let him give this up…n-not for m-me," Sam added as his tears broke free and traced their way down his cheeks.

"Then…then we find another way," Ronnie breathed as she struggled with Sam's grief as well as her own. "There has to be another way. Not gonna let you sacrifice yourself for him the way he did for you…. It's just a vicious circle waiting to happen."

"Musical souls," Sam laughed wryly under his breath. "Never mind," he added when Ronnie looked at him questioningly.

A creak in the stairs alerted them that someone was approaching. Quickly wiping away his tears, Sam gave Ronnie a pleading look meant to convince her not to tell Dean about what he'd been thinking.

"So, we're agreed?" Ronnie asked in a meaningful tone as she wiped away any evidence of her own tears.

"Y-yeah, definitely," Sam assured, knowing if he didn't she would tell Dean everything she knew.

"Agreed about what?" Dean asked from the doorway, his gaze shifting from Ronnie to his brother as he waited for an answer.

"Oh…uh…that I…uh I leave the cooking to Ronnie," Sam stammered.

"But, that Sam will take care of the dishes," Ronnie added with a grin.

"Oookaaay," Dean replied, quirking an eyebrow at the two of them as though he thought they were crazy.

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As the weeks went by, they fell into a routine. Lulu had her chemotherapy twice a week after which she would crash, but the days between her treatments were spent playing in the yard or at the park. True to their 'deal' Ronnie cooked and Sam did the dishes, while Dean spent quality time with his daughter. Sam could tell his brother was beginning to enjoy this taste of a normal life, and though he'd agreed to look for other options, he had decided that if there was no other way he would do what was necessary to ensure Dean could watch his daughter grow up.

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One night, about a month into Lulu's treatment, Sam managed to convince Dean and Ronnie to have a night out. Lulu was asleep early, exhausted from another bout of chemo and he insisted that he would stay home and watch over her while they went to the movies alone and spent some 'quality' time with each other. Sam knew the strain that Lulu's illness and Dean's deal had put on their already fragile relationship and he wanted to help mend it in any way he could.

Finally, after much convincing, they agreed, and Sam watched with amusement as Dean changed three times, before deciding on what to wear. Dean had been relegated to Sam's room to ready himself for their date by Ronnie, who claimed she needed privacy to ready herself. Sam was struck by how nervous they both were, as though this were their first date.

When Dean was finally ready, both he and Sam relocated to the kitchen to wait for Ronnie. Sam procured two beers from the refrigerator, offering one to Dean as they waited. They were well on to their second beer when Ronnie finally appeared in the doorway. Both men stared slack jawed at Ronnie as she entered the kitchen, wearing a jean skirt that grazed her mid thigh, with a teal swoop necked sweater and black knee boots. She tugged nervously at the bottom of her skirt as the boys continued to gawk. She hesitated a moment, feeling uncomfortable. "I think I'm gonna go change," she mumbled, turning to leave but Dean sprang into action.

"No! No, don't, you look…" Dean grabbed her arm, turning her back toward him so she could see he was being sincere. "You look beautiful," he breathed, his patented grin playing on his lips. Ronnie stared at him still unsure.

"You really do look beautiful, Kiki," Sam offered from where he sat at the table. Ronnie felt her cheeks grow warm at the compliment. It was one thing to hear it from Dean, he was always picturing her naked anyway, but to hear it from Sam seemed to make it true.

"Thanks."

"Oh, what him you believe?" Dean teased. "Is there something I should know about here?" Dean added with a chuckle, watching his brother's face grow red as he and Ronnie shook their heads.

"You'd better get going the movie starts in twenty minutes," Sam informed, quickly changing the subject.

"Alright, Samantha you'll have us out of here in a minute. What're you having a party you don't want us to know about or something?"

"Or something," Sam replied as he watched the couple head for the door. Ronnie looked back at him, her eyes filled with worry suddenly and he knew she was worrying that he was planning to act on the information he'd gleaned from the crossroads' demon. _Don't worry Ronnie, I'm not gonna do anything stupid…I promise…_ He thought, knowing she would be probing for any stray thoughts of getting himself killed. Noticing the worry leave her eyes, he knew she'd caught his message.

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"I can't believe we missed the movie," Ronnie laughed, watching as the men in the car all turned to look as she entered the local bar on Dean's arm. Her body tensed as she noted the lingering stares of some of the men in the bar, men who had never seen her in anything, but her garage cover-ups. She suddenly felt very exposed under the weight of their stares and lewd thoughts that pelted at her wall.

"Maybe we should just go home," Dean suggested, lacing his arm around her waist, seeming to notice her discomfort.

Ronnie shook her head, drawing strength from his comforting gesture. She used it to further strengthen her wall. "You just don't want me to kick your ass at pool," she quipped with a grin that him know she was all right. "C'mon bet ya I beat ya," Ronnie teased, a mischievous grin playing on her lips as she concentrated on Dean and forgot anyone else was around.

"Okay, I'll get us some beers while you set up the table," Dean chuckled. "And I'm SO gonna win," he added as he sauntered away.

Ronnie stood, watching him walk away for a moment. She drank in every detail of the man that was Dean Winchester, the only man she had ever loved. A wave of sadness washed over her as she remembered that, in less than a year, this man, who held her heart so firmly in his hands, would be gone forever. _Stop it! There'll be time enough to grieve him when he's gone. _She thought, forcing the sadness to the back of her mind and concentrating on enjoying this evening with Dean. _Besides, Sam's gonna find a way out of this deal…he has to…_

"Everything okay, there champ?" Dean asked as he returned with their beers to find Ronnie, still standing in the same spot where he'd left her.

"Um…yeah…I…I got distracted." She forced a smile to her face and all thoughts of Dean's deal out of her mind. Leaning in to procure her beer from his hands, she whispered playfully in his ear, "have I mentioned what a nice ass you have there, Winchester?"

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"Dammit!" Sam slammed his laptop shut as he quickly stood and began pacing the kitchen. _It's the only way. _He thought, raking his hands through his hair. He'd been searching for weeks for some other way to help Dean and had come up with nothing.

"Ucle Sammee?"

Lulu's sweet voice startled Sam from his brooding. "Hey princess." He moved quickly to where Lulu stood, worrying that something was wrong. "You okay?" He crouched in front of her, studying the dark circles beneath her eyes.

She nodded, scrubbing her fists against her eyes. "Can I have some mulk?"

Sam felt a grin tug at his lips as he was flooded with relief. "Sure honey."

Lulu sat at the table as she watched Sam fill a small Barbie glass with a pensive look one her pale face. "Ucle Sammee, are you mad?" she asked when he set the glass of milk on the table in front of her.

Sam forced a smile and shook his head as she continued to eye him over the brim of her glass as she drank. "Who would I be mad at?"

Lulu shrugged, putting the glass back on the table and wiping her mouth with the sleeve of her shirt. "You soundeded mad…you sayed dammit and Mommee only sayes that when she's mad."

"Uncle Sammy's just a little frustrated, honey, that's all."

"What does frustrateded mean?"

Sam searched for answer that his young niece would understand as she looked up at him expectantly. "It means….Well, it's like when you can't find just the right color crayon when you're drawing...You know how it feels when that happens?" Lulu nodded. "Well that's frustrated."

"Why are you frustrateded, Ucle Sammee?" Lulu asked sweetly, before picking up her glass and draining the rest of the milk from it.

Sam sighed, trying to remain patient. Lulu's curiosity, while endearing, was not helping to quell his ever mounting frustration at his inability to help Dean get out of his deal. "There's something I'm looking for, something important and I can't find it."

"Is it a crayon? 'Cause I got lots in my room."

Sam shook his head as he scooped Lulu up in his arms. "C'mon, let's get you back to bed."

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"Ha! Beat you again, Winchester!"

Dean chuckled as he watched Ronnie do a little celebration dance. "No way, Kiki. You've still got four balls on the table…just 'cause I scratched on the eight ball doesn't mean—"

"It means that you lost, which is just another way of saying….I won…Twice!"

"Yeah, well you cheated," Dean countered with a grin.

Ronnie scoffed at Dean's weak defense of his second loss to her. "Yeah sure and how did I _allegedly _cheat?"

"Well, look at you….How am I supposed to concentrate with you, alternating flashing me your cleavage and those legs?" Dean grabbed her waist and pulled her close, before whispering in her ear, "not that I'm complaining about the view, but it _is_ very distracting."

"So, whadya want, a rematch?"

"Uh yeah, you set up the balls while I hit the little boys room." Dean moved away from the pool table and headed towards the bathrooms.

"Wow, that was SO romantic," Ronnie called as she busied herself, collecting the balls to set them up for another game. Leaning across the pool table, Ronnie set didn't notice someone walk up behind her.

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"G'night Princess," Sam sighed as he moved to leave, after tucking Lulu back into bed.

"Ucle Sammee?"

Sam turned back to face Lulu, forcing a smile, as he did, to mask his aggravation.

"Sometimes, when I get frustrateded and just stop looking…and then there it is…my brown crayon right where I lefteded it."

Sam couldn't help but chuckle at his niece's words of wisdom. "Okay honey, tha—"

"But sometimes, I just color the hair blue instead," Lulu interrupted with a shrug.

"Thanks, I'll remember that."

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"Why, Ronnie Taylor, as I live and breath," someone drawled from behind Ronnie. Her breath caught in her throat as she turned to come face to face with a tall, dark-haired man, wearing a black cowboy hat.

"Wha-whadya want Bo?"

"We both know what I want Ronnie, and now here you are all gussied up for me—"

"I am not _gussied up_ for you. We've been through this, I am not interested in you."

Bo grabbed her arm as he leaned in, his breath reeking of stale beer and cigarettes as he spoke, "come on now, a whore like you shouldn't have such high standards."

"Let go of me, Bo." Ronnie tried to wrench her arm free, but Bo held it tighter his grip biting into her skin.

"I thought you liked it when—"

"I believe, the lady asked you to let her go," Dean's voice boomed from behind Ronnie.

"Huh, I don't see a lady here, what about you guys?" Bo smirked at the men, sitting at a nearby table, who began to laugh hysterically like a pack of drunken hyenas.

"Beg pardon?" Dean moved up next to Ronnie and ticked his gaze at the man's hand that was still grasping her arm.

"C'mon friend, everyone knows your girl here is the town whore," Bo explained, shaking his head.

"Yeah, she's a whore," one of the hyenas chuckled from the table.

"You'd better apologize to the lady or you're gonna have a world of trouble on your hands."

"Who's you knight in shining armor, Ronnie?" Bo asked, tightening his grip on her arm. "Wait, I know who you are. You're the sucker she's got believin' is that girl's daddy. I'd get one of them DNA tests to be sure, friend."

"Listen, Bobo, I told you to apologize."

"I ain't apologin' to a worthless who—" Dean's fist made contact with Bo's face before he could finish. Staggering back, Bo released his hold on Ronnie's arm. The hyenas sprang into action, flanking their friend as Dean stepped toward him his fists at the ready.

"Warned ya there'd be trouble." Dean and Bo moved in a circle, sizing each other up as everyone in the bar turned their attention to the fighting men.

"Please, Dean let's just go," Ronnie pleaded from where he'd left her beside the pool table. Though she knew Dean was a more than capable fighter, she also knew what Bo and his posse were capable of.

"I'm not gonna let him talk to about you like that," Dean replied, shifting his attention to her worried face for a moment.

Bo used the momentary distraction and nodded to his companions who seized Dean from either side.

"Leave him alone!" Ronnie cried as Dean bucked, and kicked at the men holding him, but they held fast. Bo grinned as he pummeled Dean first in the face and then began to work on his abdomen.

Ronnie cringed with every punch, wanting to run to Dean's side, but knowing that there was nothing she could do to help. She looked around, hoping someone would step forward to help Dean, but no one did. _What is wrong with these people? _As she looked back at Dean, she almost cheered as Dean kicked out and made contact with Bo's shin. Dean grinned as Bo let out a string of curse words and hopped away.

"Sorry, did that hurt?"

"Dwane, git his legs would ya," Bo growled, stalking back to where Dean stood, kicking out as Dwane crouched and struggled to immobilize Dean's legs.

"Dwane, buddy, I don't swing that –" Dean's joke was cut short by Bo's fist, plowing into his stomach, knocking the wind from him. Ronnie lowered her gaze as Bo quickly followed it with a jab to Dean's face, the ring he wore slashing the skin on Dean's cheek.

"That's enough, Bo."

Ronnie looked up at the familiar sound of her cousin's voice. "Riley!"

Bo smiled as he turned to look at Riley. "You want to get in a few punches?" Bo watched as Riley circled around him and clapped a hand down on the shoulder of one of the men holding Dean immobile.

"Let him go, Jimmy." Jimmy obliged, stepping aside as Riley circled around the back of Dean. "You too, Dwane." Dwane looked up at Bo questioningly. When Bo nodded, Dwane moved away. Finally, coming around to the other side of Dean, the man there was already moving away before Riley had to ask. As Dean began to sway Riley snaked an arm under Dean's and around his back, offering the injured man some much needed support.

"Wha-what're ya doin'?" Bo asked, a frown creasing his brow as he watched Riley help Dean.

"Thought I'd make this a fair fight."

"Huh, it's still four against two," Dwane pointed out from where he stood next to Bo.

"Oh, I don't know, I think those are pretty fair odds wouldn't you say, Bo?"

"You think 'cause you're this big army hero that fought in the war that we're s'posed to be afraid of you?" Jimmy asked, balling his fist as he watched Bo who remained immobile.

"It was the Marines, and you boys really should get going…Don't ya think Bo?"

Ronnie watched in amazement as Bo gathered his posse and headed out the door, without looking back. She quickly moved to Dean's side as Riley guided him to one of the chairs at the vacated table. "Dean," Ronnie whispered cupping his chin with one hand as the other gently grazed his unblemished cheek. Dean forced a grin, grimacing at the pain in his cheek.

"I- M'ok, Keek," Dean assured through clenched teeth as he lifted a hand, offering it to Riley. "Th-thanks…man." Dean's breath caught in his throat as the movement caused his face to blanch.

"Nah, man I owed you," Riley reminded, without meeting Dean's gaze. "The…the way I acted…the things I said."

Dean shook his head, closing his eyes as he did. "Y-you weren't…yourself."

"We should get you to a hospital," Ronnie gushed, studying Dean's bloodied face. "I'm sure you've got a couple of broken ribs—"

"No, hospital," Dean opened his eyes, gazing directly into Ronnie's.

"C'mon, then I'll take you guys home." Riley hooked an arm under Dean's again helping him stand. Ronnie quickly took her station at Dean's right, they both waited for Dean to steady himself.

"Wh-what 'bout my car?" Dean asked when they made it outside. Ronnie almost laughed. _Typical Winchester. _She thought as she helped Dean down the stairs at the front of the bar and moved toward Riley's Cherokee.

"We'll pick it up in the morning," She assured as she helped Dean into the passenger's seat and clipped him in, before quickly slipping into the seat behind him.

**End notes:**

**Ok so this was my first ever fight scene…I'm actually pretty proud of it though I'm sure there are much better ones out there…this kind of thing is definitely out of my comfort zone…in people's heads! Ok so tell me what you think please please please!**


	22. Chapter 22

_**Painted on my Heart**_

_**By: gengen0776**_

**Chapter 22**

"Thank you, for…for everything," Ronnie sighed as she walked Riley to the door. Sam had been quick to help Riley guide Dean to the kitchen when they'd arrived and was now tending to the cut on the older Winchester's cheek.

Riley slid an arm around Ronnie's waist as she walked him to the door. She leaned against him, taking comfort in the love radiating from her cousin. She was thankful that he'd come through the whole possession experience unscathed and was now her loving, caring and slightly overbearing cousin again.

"I…Ronnie…what I said…I just—"

"You weren't yourself," Ronnie interrupted. She stopped and turned to face her cousin. "Believe me, I understand more than you know."

After watching Riley drive away, Ronnie returned to the kitchen to find Sam, hovering over his brother as he cleaned the smaller cuts and bruises on Dean's face. "So, what was the fight about?"

"Oh, you know how it is, Sammy, I'm just the life of the party." Ronnie watched from the kitchen doorway as Sam's brow furrowed in disapproval at Dean's evasive answer.

"Dean was defending my honor," she offered as she moved to Dean's side. Ronnie watched as Sam's frown evaporated and he continued what he was doing, without pressing the issue.

"Okay, done," Sam said, finally. "Now, let's tape up your ri—"

"Nah, it's cool," Dean interrupted, forcing a smile to his lips. "Just wanna take a shower first," he added defensively as both Sam and Ronnie gave him disapproving looks. "No use tapin' em up twice."

"Fine, I'll help you upstairs."

Dean valiantly attempted to mask the pain that the simple act of standing caused to his battered ribs, but Ronnie could clearly see the pain in his bright green eyes. Sam expertly wove his arm around his brother, offering him support as they stepped from the kitchen. Ronnie lagged behind as she set about replacing the supplies in the first aid kit. She knew it would be easier for Dean if he didn't have to pretend he was fine for her benefit all the way up the stairs. So, she waited a little longer, pulling a bottle of water from the refrigerator. She then carried it and the first aid kit up the stairs in the Winchesters' wake.

She smiled when she arrived on the second floor and found Sam, leading Dean into her bedroom toward the master bathroom. She glanced into Lulu's room as she passed, noticing that she'd kicked off her covers. Ronnie laid the first aid kit and bottle of water on Lulu's dresser as she approached her daughter's bedside. She leaned in and kissed Lulu's forehead as she tucked her in. Ronnie made sure that Lulu's bunny was close at hand, before planting another kiss on her daughter's cheek and heading out of the room.

She entered her bedroom as Sam helped Dean ease onto the bed. She moved quietly to the adjoining bathroom where she laid the first aid kit on the counter and pulled open the medicine cabinet, reaching for a bottle of pain relievers. "Thanks Sammy," Ronnie said as she brushed past him and placed the bottle of water and pain relievers on the night table. "I got it from here." Ronnie patted Sam's arm and gave him an appreciative smile.

"Yeah, Sammy, she's got it from here." A grin spread across Dean's battered features as he winked at his brother.

"Uh, oh okay," Sam stammered, moving toward the door. "I…uh…I think I'm gonna go for a drive."

"You'll have to take my car, the keys are on the table in the entrance downstairs," Ronnie offered, giving Sam a wary look. She wondered where he was planning on driving to.

"Thanks." Sam offered a reassuring smile as he left the room.

"So, do you have a naughty nurse outfit?" Dean asked, grinning mischievously at Ronnie as the door closed behind Sam.

"Ahh sorry, Casanova, it's at the dry cleaners," Ronnie drawled as she handed Dean the pain relievers and uncapped the bottle of water. "Got a stain on it the last time I wore it to bath the elderly…Those little old men really liked the outfit for some reason." Ronnie laughed as Dean's eyes grew wide and he forced himself to swallow the water in his mouth. "I'm joking, silly."

"So, it's not at the dry cleaners?"

Ronnie rolled her eyes and heaved an exaggerated sigh as Dean handled her back the bottle of water. "You're incorrigible." Ronnie playfully cuffed Dean in the arm, before picking up the bottle of pain relievers and heading back to the bathroom.

"Is that a no?"

"You coming?" Ronnie beckoned from the bathroom doorway a few minutes later, wearing only her bra and panties.

"Be right there."

Ronnie retreated back to the bathroom. Though what she really wanted to do was rush to Dean's side and help him, knowing he was in pain, but she held back. She knew how frail the male ego could be. So instead, she prepared the towels and ran the water for the shower, allowing Dean the time he needed to gather his strength and make his way to meet her.

Dean was shirtless, when he entered the bathroom a few minutes later. His grin was forced and barely concealed the obvious pain he was in. Ronnie knew he'd taken his shirt off alone so that he could deny his pain to her, but his ashen face and the sheen of sweat on his brow gave him away.

"Hey, Tiger." She bridged the small gap between them and stood before him. Her gaze flitted between the bruises on Dean's face and those forming on his torso. There was a stark contrast between the bluish tinge of the bruises and his skin that cause her forced smile to falter. _It's all my fault. _She thought, tears welling in her eyes and betraying the calm unconcerned exterior, she was hoping to portray.

"M'ok, Kiki," Dean whispered, his hand caressing her cheek. Her eyes fluttered closed as she relished in the gentle touch of his calloused skin.

"But—"

"No buts, Kiki. I'm okay. There's no way I could ever let anyone talk about you that way." He cupped her face in his hands and gently coaxed her chin up. He could see the pain etched in her face and knew the anguished look that lay behind her closed eyelids. "Please, look at me." Slowly, Ronnie opened her eyes and met his gaze. Dean smiled as her breathtaking turquoise eyes met his. "Won't let anyone hurt you, beautiful." Dean leaned in, gently brushing his lips against hers as his right arm slid around her shoulders and pulled her to him. "I love you, Kiki," he breathed as the kiss ended and he buried his face in her hair, breathing her in with a sigh.

Pulling away, Ronnie smiled, tenderly caressing Dean's battered cheek. "I love you, too." Tears glistened in her eyes and Dean knew she was thinking about the deal. "We'd better get in there before the water runs cold." Ronnie led Dean to the toilet next to the bath and helped him ease down onto it. "Here, kick off your boots and I'll help you get the rest of your clothes off." Ronnie moved to unbutton his jeans as he removed his boots.

"Anxious to get me naked," Dean teased with a grin.

"You know it, Tiger."

"I got it, Keek," he assured as she moved to help him remove his socks. He grimaced, his breath hitching as he bent to remove his socks.

Ronnie crouched before him, forcing him to meet her gaze and admit his pain. "Let me help you," she implored. With a sigh, Dean gave in. He straightened and looked away as she made quick work of his socks. When he stood again, she held out her hand so she could assist him with his jeans. She slipped his jeans and boxers down his thighs, which he proceeded to step out of.

Extending her arms behind her, Ronnie moved to unclasp her bra, but Dean's his right arm quickly reached behind her and unhooked it for her. His hands trailed down her arms, easing the straps down as they went. She stood, relishing in the touch of his rough hands against her skin, allowing the bra to fall to the ground. Dean's hands continued their downward course, moving to graze the skin of her lower back. He leaned into her, his face nuzzling her neck as he slid her panties down her thighs. Dean sighed as he breathed her in, longing to pick her up and carry her off to bed.

"C'mon," Ronnie whispered, grasping his arm as she stepped out of her panties and toward the shower. Ronnie stepped into the shower under the spray of hot water, urging Dean to follow.

Dean stepped slowly into the shower after Ronnie. Standing in front of her, he watched as the water cascaded over her shoulders and caressed her breasts. His arms slid around her waist and he pulled her closer to him. He gasped when her warm wet breasts made contact with his injured ribs. He gave Ronnie a weak grin as she pulled away and studied him worriedly. "M'ok, they're just a little…tender."

"I bet they are," Ronnie replied, forcing a smile of her own. "Let's get you washed up, so we can tape up those ribs," she suggested as she moved carefully around him and reached for the soap and a wash cloth. She studied him as she lathered up the wash cloth, considering where to begin. She carefully reached up and began at his shoulders planning to delicately work her way down.

Dean closed his eyes and tried to forget that Ronnie was doing this for him because he was unable. Instead, he concentrated on the sensuous feel of her hands, tracing their way down his body as she lathered him up. He reveled at the tenderness of her touch and was amazed when it became even gentler against his wounded side. A sigh escaped his lips as she caressed his manhood and he reached out and lightly caressed the silky skin of her breasts. She moaned as he touched her and he knew, without looking that she was blushing. She was a shy lover he knew, always quiet, blushing when her ecstasy caused her to become more vocal.

"Dean," she whispered breathily. Ronnie's eyes were closed when he opened his. Her face was flush as her body arched toward his and she grasped at his arms. He pulled her to him again, more cautiously this time against his uninjured side. His right arm wrapped protectively around her waist as he bent to kiss her lips. He savored the silky-smoothness of her skin against his, the fingers of his left hand entangling themselves in her hair as they continued to kiss passionately. "We…we should rinse off…b-before the hot water runs out," Ronnie sighed when the kiss ended. Looking up are him through veiled eyes filled with desire, she smiled and moved out of the way to allow him to rinse off.

Dean hissed, his flushed cheeks turning pale again as the water beat down mercilessly against his battered ribs. His hand shot out against the tile wall for support as Ronnie's arm encircled his waist, helping him remain upright long enough to finish rinsing off.

When he was done, Ronnie helped him as he stumbled over the edge of the bath. She pulled a towel around him. His teeth were clenched and his skin, unbelievably paler than before. Momentarily, leaving his side she reached into the showed and turned off the water. She shivered as she wrapped a towel around herself and tucked the corner under the edge near her arm to hold the towel in place. Gracefully, she moved across the bathroom, to the counter, to retrieve the first aid kit. "Sit," she instructed as she returned with kit and set it on the edge of the bathtub.

"Yes ma'am," Dean replied with a forced smile, hoping the pain relievers that Ronnie had given him earlier would soon kick in and help to ease the throbbing pain in his side.

As Ronnie taped Dean's ribs, she noted many new scars scattered across his bare chest and arms. She looked up at Dean, who shrugged.

"What can I say? Chicks dig scars," he joked. Ronnie forced a smile as she surveyed the scars, knowing each one had potentially been life threatening. When she finished taping his ribs, her fingers lingered on a scar from a bullet near his left shoulder. She felt a rush of sadness and pain emanating from him and wondered if it was because of this scar.

"Who shot you?" she asked looking up at him.

"Just a demon," Dean replied evasively, without meeting her eyes. "Luckily, it was a bad shot," he added with a forced chuckle as he tried to mask the pain the scar still caused him. It wasn't physical pain, but mental anguish to know that it had been Sam that had shot him there. _He was possessed. _Dean reminded himself as he met Ronnie's worried gaze, knowing she could feel his pain, but unwilling to sully Ronnie's opinion of his brother.

Ronnie could feel there was more to the story, but let it go. The last thing she wanted was to cause him more pain. "Yeah, good thing," she mumbled, forcing a smile to her lips, "I should get you some clean clothes," she added as she moved away.

Dean reached out and grabbed her arm and pulled her to him. "Is that really necessary?" He asked, his hand caressed the small of her back as he looked up at her with a roguish grin. He slowly stood up, pressing her to him, left arm circling her waist. Tenderly, his right hand cupped her chin, coaxing her to look up at him as he leaned in and brushed her lips with his.

"I guess…clothes…could…wait," Ronnie conceded between kisses, lazily lacing her arms around Dean's neck. Dean's hand slid from her waist to her buttocks, giving it a playful squeeze as his other hand seized the other cheek. He moved to bend and pick Ronnie up but she pulled away. "Whoa Tiger, slow down…you are definitely in no shape for that." Taking his hand in hers, she looked up at him. "Are you sure you're in shape to be doing this?" Dean looked at her longingly, before heaving a sigh and shrugging. "Maybe we should wait."

"Don't wanna wait," Dean sighed, burying his face in Ronnie's hair. "Don't wanna waste anymore time."

"But Dean you're h—"

"We wasted so much time…all that time we should have been together," Dean breathed, his sadness and regret would have been palpable to Ronnie even without her gift. "I jus'…I just need to be close to you…c-can't get close enough to you." Ronnie could sense the urgency Dean was feeling and knew it was because of his impending deal.

"Sounds like the beer and pain killers are making a nice mix."

Dean pulled back, shaking his head, his pained eyes meeting Ronnie's again. "No…I…it's not…I jus—" Ronnie silenced his explanation with a kiss. Tonight was about the two of them and Ronnie didn't want to waste time, dwelling on what little time they had or how unfair it was that they'd been cheated out of almost four years.

"C'mon, let's get you to bed," Ronnie offered when the kiss ended, affectionately stroking his uninjured cheek as she spoke. Then slipping her hand in Dean's, she led him back to the bedroom. She set about, settling her injured hero in bed. She carefully slid the two pillows from the bed behind him, knowing that it would be hard for him to sleep any other way with his broken ribs. That done, she moved to her dresser and pulled out a tank top and a pair of pajama pants. Shedding her towel, she pulled the clothes on. She noted the disappointment etched on Dean's face as she did. "I'll be right back," she promised as she left the room, softly closing the door behind her.

Dean stared at the door a long moment, wondering where she'd gone. He longed for her to return, to feel the velvety softness of her naked skin against his.

Yet, the yearning was more than physical. He needed to feel the connection he only felt with Ronnie. Knowing, she was the only person in the world who knew him for who he truly was. The only person he'd ever let his guard down for and allowed to see the Dean behind the mask of sarcasm and bravado. _Why Dad? Why did you take this from me? _He thought as he slowly threw his legs over the side of the bed and shuffled the short distance to the dresser in which Ronnie had insisted he keep his clothes. Pulling open the drawer, he selected a pair of boxers and considered a t-shirt, but reconsidered when he recalled the agony, removing the one he'd worn earlier had caused him.

Bracing himself with his left hand against the dresser, he bent to pull on his boxers. He stood breathlessly gripping the dresser when he was done. When his breath, finally, returned to normal, he wiped the sheen of sweat from his brow and trudged slowly back the bed, feeling exhausted.

Ronnie returned a few minutes later, carrying a tray of food and her laptop under her arm. She grinned mischievously at Dean as she set the tray down on the bed next to him, giving him a clear view of its contents, before hurrying back out the door only to reappear, seconds later, carrying two more pillows. Dean smiled as he noticed the tray contained some of his favorite junk foods, a bowl of Doritos, another with buttery popcorn and an extra large bag of peanut M&Ms and to drink two beers stood uncapped on the tray.

"Thought, since we missed the movie." Ronnie shrugged as she settled in beside him on the bed. She placed the laptop on the bedspread in front of them, angling the screen so they had the best view and pressed play on the movie. She scooted close to Dean's uninjured right side as his arm circled her shoulders and he pulled her even closer. Settling against his side, she laid her head on his shoulder as the movie began. She smiled as she heard a contented sigh erupt from Dean's lips.

Sam drove into town, intent on stopping at the local bar for a drink. He longed for the mind numbing effects of alcohol and loud music to drown out the war being waged within his mind. Lulu's words echoed in his mind as he drove. _... stop looking…and then there it is…my brown crayon right where I lefteded it._ Sam came to a stop at a crossroads at the edge of the small town. He sat there, thinking for a long moment. For the Winchesters, the brown crayon was to make a deal with the devil or in this case the crossroads demon. It was what they always did to save each other. _But what's the blue crayon? _Sam thought, wondering if he was giving Lulu's words more meaning that they had. Maybe it wasn't a "from the mouth of babes" moment. Sam sighed, leaning his forehead on the steering wheel with his eyes closed as he tried to decide what to do.

"Love that movie," Dean sighed, stifling a yawn as he gingerly stretched at the end of the movie.

"I know," Ronnie replied, turning to look up at him from where she lay against his bandaged chest. "We saw it together when you were here…before."

Dean nodded, remembering the flack his father had given him for not having his head in the hunt. "Think those pain meds finally kicked in," Dean offered as he carefully stretched a little more. Giving her his patented Dean Winchester grin, sure to make any woman swoon, he added, "whadya think?" Ronnie laughed as he winked exaggeratedly at her.

Ronnie sat up and eyed him a moment. He did seem to be in less pain. There was color in his cheeks that had been ghostly pale before and as she looked in his eyes there was no sign of pain, only desire and the usual bit of sadness that never quite left them. "If you're sure you're up to it…I mean we could wait…there's no rush." She watched as his face turned serious again, amplifying the sorrow in his eyes.

"I mean what I said before…I don't want to waste anymore time." He grazed her cheek with his finger tips as he looked away, focusing his gaze on her lips as he continued, "if this is all the time I have…If I only have a year...I—" Ronnie swiftly leaned in and kissed him, a deep and passionate kiss that left them both breathless. "Is that a yes?"

"What d'you think, sailor," She drawled as she straddled herself across his thighs and began to kiss him again. Dean's hands grasped her sides, pulling her closer to him as their kisses grew hungrier, more urgent. He found the bottom of her tank top and slowly slid it up her torso, his fingers grazing her skin as they went. She momentarily broke their connection, swiftly pulling the tank top over her head and tossing it absently away. She leaned in towards him again, her lips moving from his to his cheek then pausing at his earlobe to nibble on it playfully.

Dean's hands continued to roam her back, caressing her with his finger tips sending shivers of pleasure through her body. His breath quickened as she moved from his earlobe, kissing her way to his neck, her hands running through his hair. "I want you," he whispered breathlessly in her ear as she sucked hard on his neck. His hands began to gently coax her pajama pants down off her hips, allowing him to caress the supple skin of her bare buttocks. "I want you so bad."

She eased back from his neck to look at him, her veiled eyes searching his for a long moment. In one fluid movement, she was off his lap and standing next to the bed. She slid her pajama pants slowly down her thighs with an impish grin playing on her lips. In a slightly less graceful move, Dean removed his boxers, without looking away from Ronnie's naked form. Ronnie arched her eyebrow as her gazed trailed down to his stiff organ, yet she stood unmoving, her nakedness teasingly just out of his reach. Without warning, Dean's left arm flew out and encircled her waist, pulling her to him and triggering a giggling fit from Ronnie.

"You're not gonna make me beg, are you?" Dean breathed in her ear as she pushed her warm breasts up against his bare chest, taunting him.

"Me?" she whispered breathily in his ear as she climbed gracefully back onto the bed. "I would never do that," she added as she straddled him again, sliding his firm manhood inside her. She moaned loudly, her cheeks flushing at the boldness of the sound.

Dean grinned as his hands encircled her waist, caressing her back as she rode him. With slow rhythmic movements she rode him, her hands gripping his shoulders as the pleasure overtook her. She paused for a moment, her head on his shoulder as she struggled to catch her breath. Taking this as he cue, Dean began to thrust within her, keeping the slow pace she'd begun.

"Let me…please," she murmured breathlessly in his ear. He stopped thrusting, gently kissing her neck instead until she sat back and began her slow ride again. Her face flushed deeper as she smiled shyly at him.

"You're the boss," Dean whispered with an encouraging smile, knowing Ronnie wasn't used to taking charge. He leaned in to her, his hands stroking her back as she continued to assault his senses with her fluid movements atop him. Tenderly, he kissed her lips, tracing his way to her neck with a series of breathy kissed.

Ronnie's breath was coming in loud gasps now as the pleasure overtook them and they crested together. She fell against him again, spent. "I…love…you," Ronnie whispered as she labored to catch her breath.

Her words sent Dean's heart soaring and broke it at the same time. To know love and know that it wouldn't last.

**End notes:**

**Ok so two love scenes, I know…but this one was a special request from a friend of mine…I had to oblige when she crowned me the Queen of Hotness for the last one! ;) So did you enjoy this chapter? Was this scene better than the first? Let me know! Drop me a review…it would mean the world to me!**


	23. Chapter 23

Sam drove into town, intent on stopping at the local bar for a drink

_**Painted on my Heart**_

_**By: gengen0776**_

**Chapter 23**

After a long moment, Sam eased away from the steering wheel and stared out the windshield. He noticed a church steeple adorned with an ornate cross nestled amongst the trees ahead. The road leading up to the hidden church, was unpaved and looked as though it had been long forgotten. Sam wondered if the church was even still in use. Curiosity got the better of him and he maneuvered Ronnie's car down the bumpy road to the church and parked in front of it. Cutting the engine, Sam studied the small building, from the car.

The church was located in a clearing within the woods, trees flanking it on all sides but the front. The building was small compared to many churches Sam had seen while on his cross country trek with Dean. The small red brick building reminded Sam of old time school houses and he wondered if this had once been one. He stepped from the car and strode toward the oak double doors. His hand on the handle, he paused to look at his watch, wondering if the church was open at this late hour. Pulling the handle, he was surprised to find the door unlocked. He entered quietly as though entering a home where everyone was already asleep. The door slid closed behind him as he gazed upon the interior of the church. What the church lacked in size, it made up for with its lavish décor. A deep red carpet ran down the aisle to the altar where a masterfully carved, wooden cross hung above the tabernacle. The stained glass windows that adorned both sides of the church were beautiful depictions of the Stations of the Cross. Sam crossed himself absently as he moved down the aisle, his hands trailing along the smooth wood of the pews, until he reached the middle row, sliding into it and sat on the red velvet cushioned seat.

To the left of the altar, Sam noticed the large wooden structure of the confessional. Its three intricately carved doors were slightly ajar, beckoning to all sinners to confess within their depths. Sam continued to survey his surroundings, willing them to offer him comfort and reassurance as they once had. But that was before Sam's faith had been tested and subsequently shattered, when they'd worked the case of the misguided spirit of a dead clergyman.

Father Thomas Gregory had been shot on the steps of his church and had somehow missed the light leading him on to heaven. Instead, the clergyman had remained behind, earthbound. Fueled by the mistaken belief that God had made him his avenging angel, Father Gregory's spirit had tried to offer a solution to the prayers of his colleague. He'd convinced some lost souls to become the instruments of God's wrath and strike down the sinners that had frequented his parish.

Those poor misguided souls, who had included Sam himself, had believed that the apparition was an angel of God, requesting this of them. In the end, Dean had convinced Sam, to perform a summoning spell to prove Dean's theory, that it was not an angel at all, but Father Thomas' spirit. Sam was left to wonder if he'd been misguided all along in his belief that there was a higher power of good, watching over them at all.

Sam's faith had been further tested by Dean's deal. He couldn't believe that God would just sit by and allow a good man, a man who fought with his heart and soul to rid the world of evil, to sell his soul. _Why not? God had allowed his father to sell his soul for Dean…_ His mind reasoned.

Lost in thought, Sam didn't notice the priest enter the room until he stood beside him and softly cleared his throat. "You seem troubled, my son," the priest said softly as he laid a comforting hand on Sam's shoulder.

Sam forced a tight-lipped smile at the father, attempting to mask his tormented soul from the clergyman. "Just needed a quiet place to think, but if you were closing up, I—"

"Take the time you need my son," the priest interrupted his hand still on Sam's shoulder. "I'm Father Nicholas," he introduced, extending his hand to shake Sam's. "I'll be around if you need to talk."

Sam watched the priest turn to leave, mulling over his offer. Would he think Sam was crazy? I mean sure Father Nicholas probably believed in Hell and evil, but would he believe that Dean had sold his soul? Yet Sam wondered, if finding this church wasn't some kind of sign. He longed to believe that some higher power had guided him here, to this church. "Father, wait." The words spilt from Sam's lips, surprising him, but the priest turned back to him, a look of understanding crossing his features.

"Yes, my child," he replied, moving back to Sam's side. "Did you need to talk?" He sat in the pew across the aisle from Sam and patiently waited for Sam to respond.

"I-I don't even know how to start," Sam sighed, staring down at his hands for a moment he could picture Dean's blood on his hands.

"Why don't you start at the beginning?" Father Nicholas smiled reassuringly.

Sam thought a moment. What was the beginning? Was it just that he had died and Dean had sold his soul to bring him back? Or should he go back farther? And if so how far? The day their father sold his soul to save Dean and told Dean that he might have to kill his own brother? To the moment his father put him in Dean's arms and Dean assumed the responsibility of keeping him safe? "My brother, Dean, he…he did something for me...something that cost him…cost him his…" Sam couldn't seem to get the word 'soul' to form on his lips. Would the priest think he was exaggerating?

"And you want to repay him this kindness?"

"It's…it's more than that. He…he saved me…without him I wouldn't be here, but…but it cost him…his soul."

"His soul?" Father Nicholas eyed Sam skeptically and Sam knew the man thought he was exaggerating.

Sam sighed. "I should go." He stood slowly, looking the priest in the eye. "Thanks anyway, Father."

The priest stood quickly. "Wait, Sam, please," Father Nicholas pleaded, "I'm sorry I interrupted, I just don't understand what you meant." The priest motioned for Sam to sit back down. "Please."

Sam slumped back onto the pew and sighed. How could he possibly make the priest understand? This was a modern man after all, with a modern take on the Bible. He didn't truly believe demons walked the earth. "Father, do you believe in demons?"

The priest was silent for a moment, as though wanting to weigh his words carefully. "I believe that we all have our own personal demons—"

"No Father, I mean demons, beings from Hell that walk the earth. Do you believe they exist?"

"Now Sam, I don't think y—"

"Because at the crossroads, right outside this church," Sam hitched his thumb over his shoulder. "No more that a couple of weeks ago, I tried to sell my soul back to a demon. I tried to undo the deal Dean made; a deal he's too stubborn to unmake himself."

"Why do you believe your soul is worth so little?" the priest asked in a calming voice.

"B-because," Sam stammered genuinely caught off guard by the priest's question. "I-I don't…It's just that Dean sold his soul for me. He sold it, without knowing what he was really giving up…and I-I can't let him give up what he's found." Sam stared at his hands again as his mind raced through the images of Evan Hudson as Sam had tried to protect him from the Hellhounds that had been sent to claim his soul. Sam could still see the fear in the man's eyes as he waited for the demon to collect on the deal he'd made to save his dying wife. Then Sam pictured Dean, waiting, unflinching as the hounds came for him. Dean, who was willing to give up everything to save his brother, even the possibility of happiness with the woman he loved and his newfound daughter.

"What he's found?"

"A family, Father. He has found a family. A daughter he never knew existed and a woman who loves him." Sam's voice bespoke of his growing exasperation.

"So, you don't think he would have…sold his soul to save you…if he'd known about them?" Father Nicholas asked in the same soothing voice.

Again, the priest's question gave Sam pause. What did he think would have happened if Dean had known about Lulu? Would she and Ronnie have been enough to help Dean accept his brother's death and move on? Or was Dean right? Would knowing about Lulu in the first place, have changed their life as they knew it? "I-I don't know," Sam sighed, dropping his face into his hands. "I just need to get him out of this deal," Sam mumbled from behind his hands.

"Sam, did you stop to think that it may not be in your power to change?"

Sam's hands dropped from his face and he stared at Father Nicholas as though the priest had slapped him in the face. "I think I should go," Sam stated curtly, stalking towards the door.

"Remember Sam, if God brings you to it, He will bring you through it," the priest called as he hurried after the younger Winchester. "No soul is truly lost if you have faith. You must believe that things will turn out as they should be." The priest watched Sam hurry to his car and gun the engine, before quickly backing out of the clearing and driving away.

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

"Not in my power to change…what does he know?" Sam muttered as he drove away from the church, without pausing at the crossroads. His anger at the priest's words gradually dissipated as he begrudgingly admitted, if only to himself, that the clergyman may be right. He'd already tried to trade his soul for Dean's and that hadn't worked. And his idea, that if he died before Dean's deal was up would nullify it, was questionable. Was he really willing to risk that it wouldn't work, causing Lulu to lose not only her father, but her uncle too? _ Remember Sam, if God brings you to it, He will bring you through it…_ the priest's parting words echoed in Sam's mind. _No soul is truly lost if you have faith. You must believe that things will turn out as they should be. _ Something about his words was gnawing at Sam, but he couldn't seem to put his finger on it. Father Nicholas was asking him to put his faith in God and trust that He would make things right, but Sam refused to leave this to fate or chance. Yet, this wasn't what troubled Sam. It was something else, something that had started his stomach churning as he spoke to the priest.

As he drove up to Ronnie's house, it hit him, what had been bothering him, throughout most of his conversation with the clergy man. Father Nicholas had called him Sam. Yet, as Sam replayed the conversation in his mind, he couldn't, for the life of him, remember telling the priest his name.

**End notes:**

**Okay, so only one more chapter after this! I hope you're enjoying this! This is actually one of the chapters that I am most proud of…I'm not sure what it is…except that I'm proud of how well I described that church…Silly I know! Please let me know what you think! It would mean the world to me!**


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

Three days later, Sam sat out on the porch, still mulling over his encounter with the priest. Father Nicholas' words left Sam with more questions than answers. The priest could easily have been a demon. It wasn't like demons couldn't enter churches, Meg had demonstrated that when she'd killed Pastor Jim in his church. Father Nicholas could have been a demon, trying to lull him with false hope. _ Remember Sam, if God brings you to it, He will bring you through it… No soul is truly lost if you have faith. You must believe that things will turn out as they should be. _ Why would a demon offer him hope? Unless he was close to a solution and the demon was trying to distract him from it. Had he been right about the loophole? Would Dean's deal be nullified if he died before it came due? Or could this have been something else masquerading as a priest? _Impossible. _ Sam shook his head. _When had _They _ever given a damn about us? _ It seemed more likely to Sam that it had been a demon, trying to trick him than an angel looking out for him and his brother. _Maybe I'm close to figuring it out and they want me to stop looking. _ Either way, whether the priest had been a demon or an angel, Sam was determined not to stop looking, he couldn't risk putting all his faith in a higher power that had done nothing but take from him all his life.

"Really?...Th-that's great news!" He heard Ronnie, speaking excitedly on the telephone in the kitchen. "When?...Really that soon?" Ronnie's voice grew louder and more excited as her conversation progressed. Sam wondered, who Ronnie was speaking to and soon got his answer. "Thank you, doctor…We'll be there!"

"What'd the doctor say?" Sam heard Dean ask.

"Friday…h-he said…Lulu's ready…f-for the transplant...an' it's gonna be Friday," Sam could tell Ronnie was crying as she stammered her response to Dean.

"That's good, though, right? I mean it means Lulu's gonna be all right?" Dean asked uncertainly, Ronnie's tears obviously giving him pause.

"Y-yes…I'm just…s-so happy."

"'Kay, 'cause this tears of joy thing is new to me," Dean chuckled softly.

_If the transplant takes. _Sam thought as he remained out on the porch, allowing Ronnie and Dean a moment alone to revel in the news. _Please God, let the transplant take…If you can't save Dean, please save Lulu. _

"Sam! Sammy, get in here!" Dean called from inside.

Sam stood slowly and took a deep breath. He willed all the negativity he was feeling out with his breath and forced a smile as he approached the patio door to the kitchen. He stood in the doorway a moment, watching as Dean gathered Ronnie up in his arms and swung her around. Dean turned to him as he entered the kitchen and began to recount the news that the transplant would take place that Friday. Dean's happiness was contagious and Sam was soon, genuinely smiling at the news that his niece would soon be well again, thanks to him. He listened attentively as Dean filled him in on the details he'd already overheard.

"That's awesome news!"

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Even with the hectic schedule of more aggressive chemotherapy sessions meant to ready Lulu's body to accept the transplant more easily, the week seemed to creep by. Everyone was anxiously awaiting the day of the transplant. The stress seemed to be wearing on Ronnie. Dean began to worry about the strain, when she began complaining of headaches.

On Wednesday, they had to leave Lulu at the hospital. The doctor was worried about the possibility of infection as the more frequent chemotherapy had drastically suppressed her immune system. This had been especially hard on Ronnie, who had wanted to remain with Lulu, but the doctor had explained it would be best for Lulu to remain as isolated as possible.

Later that day, Dean found Ronnie in the kitchen cooking, where she had been almost constantly, when they were not at the hospital, since the doctor's phone call on Monday. The house was filled with the aromas of the cakes and pies she'd baked that morning and was now mingling with the mouthwatering scent of baked lasagna.

"Mmm…something smells good," Dean greeted with a sigh as he entered the kitchen, to find Ronnie leaning against the counter with her eyes tightly closed.

"Hmmm," she replied absently with a forced smile as she opened her eyes.

"Another headache?" Dean moved to her side, studying her with concerned eyes. Ronnie simply nodded. She closed her eyes, wincing almost imperceptibly. Had it been someone else watching her, they may have missed the show of discomfort, but Dean could tell she was in much more pain that she was letting on.

Ronnie sighed as Dean leaned in to her, his breath on her cheek as he gently massaged her temples in an effort to alleviate her pain. "Thanks, Baby," she whispered, forcing a smile after a few minutes.

"Maybe you should…talk to the doctor about these headaches," Dean suggested, not for the first time, it was actually becoming a familiar conversation. Ronnie forced a smile and assured him she was fine.

"It's just stress," she assured, caressing his cheek as she leaned and kissed him gently.

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By Friday morning, Ronnie had cooked another weeks worth of food and stowed it away in the freezer. Dean had happily allayed her need to store the pies she'd baked and was sitting at the kitchen table, savoring the last bites of an apple pie. He'd awoken early, unable to sleep as the moment of Lulu's transplant approached. His mind raced with all the 'what ifs' he'd been pushing aside since he'd found out that Sam was a bone marrow match. What if it didn't work? What if she was still sick even after the transplant? What if something went wrong during the operation? He'd sat back and watched as the chemotherapy had ravaged and weakened Lulu, reminding himself all the while that it was necessary to ready her body for the healing Sam's bone marrow would be able to offer. But what would happen to her if the transplant didn't take? Would there be another solution? Would her fragile little body be able to endure some other treatment?

"How long have you been up?" Ronnie whispered from the doorway, looking past Dean out the patio doors at the sun that had just begun to rise.

Dean looked up at her, pushing all his worried thoughts from his mind and repeating the phrase _Lulu will be all right_ like a mantra. He noticed the dark circles beneath Ronnie's eyes as he studied her. He knew she was still getting headaches, though she denied it. So there was no way to be sure how severe or how often they continued to plague her.

Ronnie felt she'd become better at concealing her headaches from Dean as the week wore on. Whenever Dean turned his concern filled eyes to her she would smile, gently caress his cheek and softly graze her lips against his. Yet now as he stared up at her she wondered if she'd been fooling him at all.

"Not too long," Dean replied vaguely, telling her more than if he'd actually specified a time. "Couldn't sleep with your pie callin' me." He winked at the empty pie plate before him on the table.

Ronnie gracefully moved toward the patio doors. She stared outside for a long moment, watching the sunrise as though it were her first. _Or like it'll be her last. _ Dean thought as he quietly moved up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. She sighed wearily as she leaned back against his chest. "Still getting those headaches," Dean whispered in her ear. It was a statement of fact, not a question that left Ronnie struggling internally with her desire to be truthful to Dean.

"It's not so bad this morning," she replied, carefully choosing her words so that they were as truthful as possible.

"What time did the doctor want us there?" Dean asked, changing the subject. He figured, at least they'd be at the hospital if the headaches got any worse.

"Early afternoon," a voice replied from the doorway. Dean and Ronnie turned to find, Sam standing in the doorway. Sam yawned as he stretched his long limbs. "He told me the procedure starts at two-thirty, but he wants me there earlier so they can extract the bone marrow and do some kind of treatment on it," Sam added, scrubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands.

"What kind of treatment?" Dean asked, guiding Ronnie to a chair at the kitchen table before moving to the counter to pour them each a cup of coffee.

"Somethin' 'bout me and Lulu having different blood types—"

"But the bone marrow matches," Dean interrupted as he set them down each a cup of coffee.

"Yeah, but since the blood types are different they have to treat my bone marrow to remove most of the red blood cells in it so that her body accepts it better," Sam explained as he picked up the cup of dark coffee and put it to his lips.

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They arrived at the hospital a little past noon. Sam headed off with a nurse to have his bone marrow extracted while Ronnie and Dean headed to see Lulu. This time Lulu was in the bone marrow transplant (BMT) unit, where the doctors could more closely monitor her progress. It was a germ-free ward, equipped with isolation rooms for those with severely weakened immune systems. As they entered the ward, Ronnie and Dean were instructed by the nurse to slip on scrubs and masks as well as rubber gloves and booties over their shoes. Once they were properly outfitted, the nurse led them to where the doctor awaited them at Lulu's door.

Doctor Kokis explained the procedure to them. He reiterated what Sam had explained earlier, about needing to treat his bone marrow, and then went on to explain how the transplant would take place.

"This is not like an organ transplant," he began, motioning for the couple to sit on the seats outside Lulu's room before he continued. "Once Sam's bone marrow has been collected and treated it will be placed in a special blood transfusion bag and Lulu will receive the transfusion via a central line like a regular blood transfusion."

"So, there's no operation?" Dean asked, relief sounding in his voice as he looked from the doctor to Ronnie who was leaned up against him. She forced a smile as he circled his arm around her waist and he wondered momentarily, if she was suffering with one of her headaches again.

"The whole procedure takes about two hours to complete," Doctor Kokis continued, pulling Dean's attention back to him. "We'll be keeping Lulu here in the hospital for another two weeks at least to monitor her body's reaction to the transplant. She'll need to be kept in isolation while we wait for the new marrow to engraft to her bones. She'll be at high risk for infections during this time and she'll need frequent transfusions to support her red blood cell and platelet counts."

"So, two more weeks of stickin' her with needles after the transplant and she's gonna be stuck here," Dean surmised, sounding unimpressed.

"At least two weeks," the doctor amended. "We will be performing daily blood and platelet counts to monitor how well the new marrow is growing. When her counts have made it to where they should be you can take her home."

"Wh-what if it doesn't take?" Ronnie's voice was barely above a whisper as she spoke for the first time since arriving, voicing the question that was lingering at the back of Dean's mind.

"Then we must find her another donor."

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After their chat with the doctor Dean and Ronnie headed in to see Lulu. Dean's breath caught in his throat as he noted Lulu's pale face and the dark circles beneath her eyes. She smiled weakly at her parents as they entered looking as though it took all her energy to do so.

"They tookeded away my bunny."

"I know honey, but he might have some germs on him that can make you sick," Ronnie explained patiently.

"I'm alreadee sick." Lulu's eyes glistened with tears.

"I'll be back…I have to…I'll just be back," Dean stammered hurriedly as he moved quickly out the door and out of the BMT unit into the hall. He brusquely pulled off the mask, struggling to catch his breath as he fought back the tears that threatened to overcome him. He pulled off the gloves, scrubs and booties, throwing them in the receptacle beside the door and headed down the hall.

He walked aimlessly down the hall, with no destination in mind other than away. He walked past patients, visitors, nurses, and doctors, without noticing anyone. His heart was breaking and he felt like he might stop breathing if he didn't remind himself to. He came to a door at the end of the hall. With no where to go, he looked up at the door and read the lettering stenciled on it. 'Chapel' Dean might have smirked at the irony if he weren't so bereft. He longed for the reassurance that so many found in their faith, wishing that his hadn't been lost long ago.

Pushing the door open, Dean found the chapel empty. The room was stark in comparison to the many churches Dean had seen on his cross country journey over the years, but he felt a warmth in this small room that he'd never felt in any church. There were only four rows of pews set before a small altar laden with candles lit by family members for their sick or dying loved ones. Above the altar hung a large cross, the Jesus carved upon it, looking down from his cross with imploring eyes making Dean feel as though the carving were actually looking at him.

Unsure what to do, Dean moved to the altar, picking up a long match and touching it to one of the lit candles. He then lit a new one for Lulu, absently blowing out the match and putting it aside. Walking back to the pews, he sat down and clumsily crossed himself.

"I-I'm not sure…I mean I don't really know…I know I don't usually pray to you…" Dean's voice trailed off as he considered his words. _Now's really not the time to piss God off Winchester. _ Kneeling, Dean cleared his throat before continuing. "I know I'm probably not on you list of favorite people right now…but this is not about me…This is about Lulu and Ronnie…Please God, just let this transplant work…let Lulu be okay…pl-please…" Dean's voice caught in his throat as the tears he'd been fighting since he'd left Lulu's room overtook him. He began to sob as he rested his forehead against his clasped hands. "Please, let her be okay," he whispered over and over. As he continued to chant, he felt a sense of calm wash over him.

"Dean?" He looked up, to see Ronnie standing beside him. "Are you all right?" she asked, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. Dean nodded as he scrubbed the tears from his cheeks with the back of his hand. "This is the last place I thought I'd find you."

"Hmm, yeah I know…it's like it found me." Dean sat back in the pew and Ronnie slid in next to him. They sat silently for a moment, both lost in thought. Dean watched Ronnie from the corner of his eye as she stared up at the crucifix above the altar. He wondered if she felt the carved Jesus was looking down at her as he had. He watched as she closed her eyes and drew a shaky breath. After a moment, a look of calm washed over her face and when she opened her eyes and looked at him again he could see something he hadn't seen there before, hope.

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Two hours later, Dean and Ronnie sat in Lulu's room again as the doctor began the transplant. Lulu had fallen asleep after Dean had left the room earlier and the doctor had given her a sedative, explaining that children often became agitated by the sight of the needle in their arm.

Sam had joined them about half an hour earlier, holding his arm where they had extracted the bone marrow. He had yet to complain about the pain in his arm or accept the doctor's offer of medication to ease it. He now sat in the chair in the corner of the room, staring intently at Lulu's sleeping form. Sam's face was inscrutable and Dean knew his brother was hiding his emotions, trying to be strong for him and Ronnie.

"So this will take a couple of hours, if you'd like to go get something to —" the doctor began.

"No, we'll stay," the three of them cut in before the doctor could continue. The doctor excused himself not long after, explaining that he had to make his rounds.

"She'll be okay," Dean whispered as he pulled Ronnie to him.

_**THE END**_


End file.
